The More Things Change
by The Altered Destinies
Summary: Sequel to Eight Days a Week by Nigel M. and followed by The Pursuit of Happiness by Malapitan. You know the old saying. THE MORE THINGS CHANGE... the more they stay the same. Ranma chooses Akane! Akane chooses Ranma! Within the span of a day, things seem to be changing drastically in Nerima, with that one important issue cleared up. Life seemed to be settling into an almost normal
1. Things Change

author's note:

a little more than a year ago, I wrote 'The More Things Change' and put it out to RAAC. Since then, I've gone on and written other stuff, and imho,  
improved my writing a fair bit.

then I looked back at my first effort, and found it to be VERY much in need of a rewrite. And so, this is what it is. Cleaned up spelling,  
modified continuity, better characterization (I hope), and, well,  
all that other good stuff.

I hope I did the right thing. Enjoy.

-rpm

THE RECENT PAST: Togenkyou Island

Sunsets on the isle of Togenkyou were beautiful. The way that it cast a certain soft light on everything was just extremely romantic, really.  
This was why the all-male population of the isle was driven nearly to insanity, since there were no women on the isle to share such an event with, and hence kidnapp women from nearby islands, like they had just recently had kidnapped Akane. "YAAAAAAAH! GET AWAY!" Ukyou watched with mild interest as Ranma was chased by Neko-Shampoo,  
who was being chased by Akane. They seemed to have recovered from the ordeal just fine, and now that they were on friendly terms with the prince of the island, it had become a dream vacation. "Shampoo! Come back Shampoo!" Mousse yelled. "Don't you see that it is I that loves you? Shampoo!" Ukyou sighed. Not exactly the best way to spend a beautiful sunset,  
and she was hoping to share it with Ranma, but she was in no mood today to step back into the vicious circle. That's what it seemed to be for her, a vicious circle, an annoying and unbreakable pattern of her, Shampoo, Kodachi, and sometimes even Akane chasing after Ranma, while Mousse, Ryouga, and Kuno were out to pulverize him. They were on an island, they were _stuck_ there until they reached Japan, and there would probably be no progress made on anyone's part as far as winning Ranma's heart over. So, just for today, she thought, why bother? "RANMA, I'LL KILL YOU!" roared Ryouga as he blazed past. In the wrong direction. Ukyou laughed a little at that. The moron was always good for a laugh or two. As she watched the figures become small specks on the beach, she sighed once more. Okay, she thought to herself, five more minutes and then I go in there and save Ranchan's butt. She couldn't help it, it seemed. Some habits were hard to break.

"Some things _never_ change."

Blank Screen. queue title:

============================ *M productions presents...*  
============================

[show flash clips of Ranma, Mousse, Ryouga, Kunou, Kodachi, Ukyou, and Shampoo as music starts fast]

Been running so long [Show Ranma and Akane running to I've nearly lost all track of time school. They jump into the hordes In every direction that usually attack Akane every day I couldn't see the warning signs and start fighting.]

======================== *A Ranma 1/2 Fanfiction*  
========================

I must be losin' it [Show Ukyou in her guy-disguise and 'Cuz my mind plays tricks on me then in her more ladylike look]

It looked so easy [Show standard wimpy Gosunkugi But you know looks sometimes deceive back-to-back with suit-clad confident and smirking Gosunkugi twin]

====================================== *Based on stories by Rumiko Takahashi*  
======================================

Been running so fast [Show Ryouga running across various Right from the starting line locations across the world, checking No more connections maps, asking for directions, etc...]  
I don't need any more advice

One hand's just reaching out [Show all the various Jusenkyo And one's just hangin' on cursed people (Shampoo, Ryouga,  
It seems my weaknesses Genma, Ranma, Mousse, etc falling Just keep going strong into their Jyusenkyou pools]

====================================== *RANMA 1/2: THE MORE THINGS CHANGE...*  
======================================

CHORUS Head over heels [Ryouga looking at a map]  
Where should I go Can't stop myself [Kunou glomping angry Ranma-chan]  
Outta control Head over heels [Ranma &amp; Akane about to kiss No time to think (from the ice-skating episode) and Looks like then notice the presence of The whole world's out of sync everyone nearby and watching]

========================== *INSERT LEGAL JARGON HERE*  
==========================

Been running so hard [Ranma-chan running from Shampoo]  
When what I need is to unwind

The voice of reason [Mousse on his knees in front of Is one I left so far behind an angry Shampoo]

I waited so long [Ranma &amp; Akane in the Romeo So long to play this part and Juliet play]  
And just remembered That I'd forgotten about my heart

CHORUS Head over heels [Show Ukyou next to an old jukebox Where should I go in her resteraunt. She looks sad,  
Can't stop myself &amp; is soon seated by a happy Ranma Outta control &amp; Akane, then Mousse, then Head over heels an angry Shampoo, then Kunou, and No time to think then Kodachi.]  
Looks like The whole world's out of sync [Ryouga finally wanders in, looking very much lost and checking a map.  
He knocks over a lamp and the room goes dark]

(The music fades as the big piano riff hits)

PRELUDE:

THINGS CHANGE

There exists, in the universe, an incredibly powerful force. It does not move mountains. It does not raze the earth. It does not spawn the seeds of creation on barren rocks. It does nudge people down certain paths without them even aware of it's influence. There are a select few that take this force seriously but even they just shrug their shoulders and stand aside as it twists the universe in strange ways. (Well, some of them, anyways. The cult of the Oddsmakers, the most well-known group,  
live in Las Vegas, running incredibly tacky looking temples. They seem to take a great interest in professional sports, scantily clad dancers, neon,  
and Elvis.) It's that kind of a force. It is called Normality. The most commonly known effect is the fact that there will always be death and taxes in this world. Always. It's not very complicated,  
really. Normality is aided by human nature, and is in fact, shaped by it. If something persists long enough, like plants dying in a certain geographical area, mysterious disappearances in a certain region, or the Chicago Cubs never winning a baseball championship, it begins to move forward through time much like a boulder moves downhill. Pretty soon,  
that boulder gets plenty of momentum and it becomes the natural state of that boulder. It's already rolling around nicely, so why stop it? The force of Normality isn't unshakable. There always exists the possibility that the Cubs might win a championship one of these years, but the force makes it very bloody unlikely that they'll win it too many times, if at all. In Tokyo, Japan, there has been a template of Normality installed and enforced after many years of human nature carving it out. Basically, it's like this: There's going to be a boy, a girl, and an absurd number of other girls. All the girls will pursue the boy, except one which will be fairly reluctant to even acknowledge that she cares about him. The boy will be attracted to this one girl that happens to chase him the least. This sort of thing has happened consistently in the history of Tokyo. From the dawn of civilization, a primitive man ran hectically across the plains as a small army of women stormed after him. A samurai met a humble farmer and his seven daughters. A prince ran for cover as he discovers that his twelve mistresses arrived in the same room waiting to surprise him for his birthday but instead were surprised when they found out that they were all promised marriage to the prince. The list goes on. Have you ever heard of the saying "The more things change, the more they stay the same"? That is very much correct. However, lately, Normality has been suppressed. The boulder has met some rather flat geography. For the longest time Tokyo has lacked such a fiery romance as the ones of its past. Things were calm in the city. Too calm. When Normality gets suppressed, it builds up like water in a dam. Or in this case, maybe a flow of boulders in a dam. Whatever. The point is that when it finally gets released, it flows steadily and rather viciously, with alot of destruction, mayhem, and loud noise. Recently,  
the Normality had been restored thanks to a foolish martial arts master and his son. However, the hold that Normality had on this situation was weakening and it needed somebody else to get shoved into the situation.

Normality isn't picky. It doesn't care WHO is stuck with the job as long as SOMEBODY is stuck with the job.

The Tendou household was peaceful. Everybody was out doing something: Nabiki garnering funds from Kunou, Ranma being chased out in the streets by Akane, Soun and Genma out to the hardware store to buy reinforcements for the dojo, and Kasumi was cleaning up the kitchen. In the living room, Kasumi's dinner was set on the table. Someone crept in unseen, stood over the table, performed some unseen task, and left silently.

Shampoo bicycled along the walls and rooftops of Nerima, bowl of mind-altering-drug-spiced ramen in hand. She was happy. She thought Ranma is finally going to take her on a date today. With mind-boggling accuracy, she rocketed her bicycle off a roof and into the Tendou's dining room. She finally brought the bike to a stop and looked around... and noticed exactly what Ranma was doing.

She screamed.

High above Nerima, Ryouga ran. Eyes full of tears, fists clenched, and a pained expression on his face. Akane was several blocks behind, calling out to Ryouga and wondering why he was running and who he was running from. She couldn't keep up to his pace and soon lost track of him. Ryouga finally ran out of steam. He fell to his knees and started punching the pavement in frustration. Someone walked up to him, Ukyou Kuonji. Ryouga, by chance, had stopped near her store. She asked him what was wrong. He turned away from her,  
fists clenched. Then he told her. She looked stunned, walked back to her store, shut the door, and hung up the "We're Closed" sign. Nearby, a Turn Right sign suddenly jumped around as if it was incredibly happy. It bounded into the store. It flew out much faster, followed by a flurry of small, very sharp throwing spatulas.

The Kunou family ninja Sasuke bounded into the Kunou residence. He raced into the room of Tatewaki Kunou. Nearby, Kodachi eavesdropped on the conversation. Sasuke bowed before Kuno, and spoke. Something rare happened. Tatewaki Kunou was angered beyond speech. He opened and closed his mouth like a goldfish and rattled his bokken. Elsewhere, an enraged Kodachi raced into the night, armed with her ribbon and a large metal mallet.

Nowhere...

Entities were swirling in a place not quite existing, debating and arguing amongst themselves.

I SENSE THE POTENTIAL IN HIM. YES, THE TIME OF HIS DECISION IS NEAR. THIS IS THE NEXT GREAT MAGE? SO FAR HIS LIFE HAS NOT BEEN MUCH, HAS IT? WHAT IF HE GOES MAD? THE CONSEQUENCES COULD BE DISASTROUS. EVERY GREAT MAGE GOES THROUGH GROWING PAINS. HE IS NOT VERY STABLE. HE HAS BEEN TRYING FOR SO LONG, HAS HE NOT? YES, BUT HE SEEMS TO BE STUCK ON PAPER DOLLS... Why are we talking like this?  
LIKE HOW?  
LIKE THIS.  
I... HAVE NO IDEA.

The titanic Dojo Destroyer had finally found a part of a little known but very much feared school of martial arts. This, he felt, would be his first step in recovering from that disaster in the Tendou Dojo, where he first met defeat. He was depressed for months, until finally he dedicated himself once more to training and had sought out a suitable challenge. He stood in the dojo, examining his opponent. His adversary was young,  
arrogant, and overdressed. The Dojo Destroyer would have fun crushing this one. "Are you ready?" the Dojo Destroyer rumbled. "Sure." The young man grinned.

One minute later the young man was standing confidently, untouched,  
while the Dojo Destroyer was out cold, a scar burned across his chest. The young man turned his back to the destroyed Destroyer, sneering.

"Next."

===============END PRELUDES===============

"The hardest thing in life to learn is which bridge to cross and which to burn."

\- anonymous 


	2. It's The End Of The World As We Know It

========================================================= PART I It's The End of the World as We Know It (and I Feel Fine)  
=========================================================

[Evening, September]

The sun set on another dull Nerima day. Through tired eyes, a sad figure in a restaurant watched the setting sun, relieved another day was over and wondering how many more he could take. The grim demeanor he cast today was the aftereffects of one of the most unexpected and traumatic events of his life. It had been a couple of months since his life went to hell, and yet he still hurt as if it was just yesterday. He closed his eyes, and hoped that maybe he could pass through some more hours unconsciously. Soon enough, he'd achieved his goal.

"Hey... Ryouga... you awake?"

Ryouga snored, asleep, and drowned in his own personal hell of memories of past events.

He stepped out of the house accidentally one day while looking for the bathroom and when he managed to get back to the dojo (a week later)  
Akane herself dropped the bomb on him.

She greeted him with a warm hug. How could he have known anything bad would happen after a warm hug?  
"Hey, Ryouga!" she said, "where've you been? I missed you!" Ryouga was beyond stunned and suddenly high on Bliss. "Well, I, um, was in some place... aheh... lots of sand..." "I really wanted you to be here," she said. Ryouga's mind was tripping out with Happiness. He might have achieved Terminal Nirvana if she didn't stop with the affection. "Oh, Akane... I..." "You'll never guess what happened!" "Ah... Mr. Tendou won the lottery?" "Nope." "Ranma finally left?" "Guess again." "Happosai died?" "Wrong again! I'm getting married!" "Wha... er... I mean, WHAT?!"  
"Me and Ranma! We finally decided to go through with the engagement!" "RANMA?!" Ryouga went cold. "Why- how- when did you two..?" "Surprised?" She asked.

Surprise would be an understatement. He was in shock. The high dosages of Bliss were soon replaced with lethal doses of Angst. He proceeded to stand there as Akane went into detail on the day that Ranma officially proposed to her, and how they celebrated the event happily, and how they decided they were going to be married after they finished high school, and how Mr. Tendou and Mr. Saotome had quickly thrown out a surprised Shampoo. She didn't notice Ryouga flinching every now and then after one of her happy giggles and sighs.

"Akane," Ryouga asked, looking serious, taking her hand, "t-tell me,  
are you happy? With Ranma, I mean." Quietly, she replied, "Yeah, I really am. I didn't think we'd even get to this point, but I... I love him" "You didn't eat any weird spices, did you? Get hit on the head?" "No, silly! I really want to do this." "And... um... there's ... nobody else you... you...ever..." "Huh?" "Never mind." Ryouga sighed, put on his best I'm-happy-for-you face,  
and looked at Akane. "Er... congratulations Akane, I'm happy for you..." Akane gave another big hug, which didn't help Ryouga's mental state at all.

With Ranma as his main competition for Akane's heart, Ryouga felt he was sure to win. After all, Ranma treated her badly all the time and Ryouga always was so nice to her. He just couldn't imagine Ranma winning this race. But he did.

"Thanks Ryouga, that means a lot to me." "Let me go c-congratulate the Groom." He stepped out of the embrace. "Where is R-Ranma?" "He's out getting something for Kasumi. Are you okay? You look a bit pale." "I..I'll just g-go look for him. See you later, Akane." Ryouga ran out, wandering the city.  
***

Ryouga went back one more time. He just had to know. He had to make sure she was _really_ alright. Maybe she was being forced to act this way by Ranma, maybe she accidentally ate Shampoo's mind-altering ramen, maybe she got possessed by a spirit or something. Weird things happened in Nerima. He hid near the Tendou Dojo, waiting for Ranma to show up. Ranma walked down the street whistling a happy tune, his defenses clearly lowered alot (which was very unusual for Ranma). Ryouga sprang up, surprised Ranma, and grabbed him by the neck. "Damn you, Saotome." "R*ack*Ryouga, I see *wheeze* you've heard the *ack* news." Ryouga looked straight into Ranma's eyes. "Dammit, no lies now. Did she REALLY say yes?" *ack* "Yes." Ryouga loosened his grip. "She didn't eat a spiced Shampoo dish meant for you?" "No." "She isn't possessed by a spirit again, is she?" "No!"  
They stood there, frozen. Actually, Ryouga was standing there frozen,  
Ranma was being held by the neck so he couldn't move much anyways. "Do you _really_ love her?" "Yes!" Ryouga started to glow with ki-power surrounding him.

Nobody moved. Time slowed down. Ryouga cast an angry glare.

"Get this straight," he said, "take good care of her, alright? If you EVER hurt her," he closed his eyes, "I'LL KILL YOU!" he yelled, flinging Ranma over the fence and into the Tendou pond. Damn him, Ryouga thought bitterly.  
The days following this traumatic event had Ryouga reeling. He was not only lost in location but in mind. He wandered aimlessly. There were several times when he saw _her_. Or he thought he saw _her_. Ryouga's heart couldn't take it and so, whenever he even thought she was nearby,  
Ryouga ran away as fast as he could. He didn't have much left in the world to look forward to. Ryouga still had that old grudge against Ranma to settle, but killing him might break Akane's heart. No matter what, Ryouga valued her happiness.  
He lost his love, a bright angel in his otherwise miserable life. She was his only source of hope and happiness. He lost his honorable duel, which fueled him through thousands of miles on foot, across land and sea. The thirst for revenge gave him a purpose in life, an honorable and noble quest.

Nobody to love, nobody to kill, he'd lost everything.

Life sucked.

"'Scuse me, earth to Ryouga! He-LLOOO?"

He tried not to think about it, really he did. Thinking about the whole situation was hazardous. The two hazardous things about Ryouga Hibiki are his talent and his state of mind. His talent was the ability to release an incredibly powerful blast of ki. Unlike other martial artists who focus their ki by mere concentration or a mantra, his ki was generated by depression.  
Ryouga's state of mind WAS depression. He was depressed during roughly 70% of his day, and 80% of his nights. It was really amazing that Ryouga grew up to be so healthy and strong instead of... for example... like Gosunkugi. Whenever ESPers passed by the Nerima district or Ryouga wandered near them, they felt suddenly suicidal. That's how depressed Ryouga was on an average day. Deep in sleep, he growled. He saw the images of the past few weeks before him. He envisioned Ranma, happy and triumphant before him, just too damn arrogant, gloating over his countless victories over Ryouga. The kind of guy Ryouga'd love to blast to hell. In a low voice, he rumbled "shishi houkou-"

*WHAM* "HEY!" SNAP OUT OF IT!"

Ryouga, head flattened by a titanic spatula, woke up. "What?" "Ryouga, buddy, snap out of it! You were gonna blow up the restaurant!" "Ukyou, give me a break. I haven't blasted anything since last week." "Ryouga... you can see me, right?" "Clearly, yeah." "The sun set a few minutes ago." "So..." Ryouga wondered what her problem was. Ukyou was getting overly-eager to use that spatula lately. "Is the room dark?" "No... wait a minute, why aren't the lightbulbs on?" "Ryouga, look at yourself!" "Oh... am I flaring up again? Excuse me a moment, I'll be outside." Ukyou Kuonji watched as Ryouga walked, in a manner not unlike a zombie,  
out the door and ki-blasted his depression into the sky. "That idiot. Why do I put up with him?" Several dazed birds suddenly fell unto the roof of Ucchan's. They had been unexpectedly shot down by a ki-blast of angst.

She sighed, watching him slouch back into the restaraunt. At times like this she wondered why she even bothered to help him out. It was a while back, a little after she found out that Ranma and Akane were serious, and Ranma and her wasn't meant to be...

Ukyou walked, actually wandered around the streets of Nerima in a daze.  
{Ranchan, why? Why not me? I thought... I...!}  
It had been several days since Ranma made his announcement, officially becoming an item with Akane and declaring all his other engagements void.  
{Why...}  
She cried, of course. She didn't like doing that. It made her feel weak, and that was another thing that she didn't like.  
{Damn you...}  
She _begged_ him to change his mind, she yelled at him in anger for betraying her like he had, and she walked away feeling foolish, betrayed,  
and so very much alone. So, when does the pain stop? she asked herself. She decided to close down the shop for a couple of days. Her emotional state was ruining her cooking technique. Staying in the house was all she could bear to do, at first, but the depression caught up to her, and she decided to wander. Just wander. No particular place in mind, really. Maybe it would help her forget? So, she thought, maybe this is the real reason Ryouga is lost so much? She laughed bitterly at her own joke as she walked by shops, markets,  
buisness offices, and just kept on moving. A tear formed in her eye. Dammit, she thought, I am _not_ gonna go to pieces over a guy! I'm not... I'm...

"Hey, you, get a move on!" "Go 'way." Ukyou snapped out of her haze. I know that voice, she thought. That's... Nearby, in an alley, an officer was standing angrily over a ragged,  
dirty, unkept, and apparently drunk Ryouga. Oh man, she thought, he looks like a wreck! That idiot.  
"Officer! I know this guy! I'll take care of it," she said, rushing over to them. The officer turned, examined her, and said, "you'd better get him outta here, right now. We've been getting complaints." "Sorry that he's a bother, sir. C'mon, Ryouga, let's go." She pulled him to his feet, put his arm around her shoulder, and together they staggered away.

Ryouga, not in much shape to do anything, didn't, as Ukyou helped him stagger some blocks away. After some distance, his brain finally kicked in and decided to find out what was going on. As far as he could tell, he was in a commercial neighborhood, with Ukyou, helping him walk. "Wha... Ukyou... whacha doin?" "C'mon, stupid, let's get you cleaned up." "Don'wanna." "What then hell are you doing to yourself? You stupid jerk! You're gonna get yourself in trouble." "Shadup." Ukyou stopped. "_What_ did you say?" "Go'way, dammit." She angrily grabbed Ryouga by the collar. "LISTEN UP YOU IDIOT! IF YOU KEEP THIS UP, I _WILL_ LEAVE YOU OUT HERE ON THE STREET TO ROT! IF IT WEREN'T FOR THE FACT THAT WE'RE FRIENDS, I'D KICK YOUR ASS RIGHT NOW, GOT IT? NOW STOP PUTTING UP THE ATTITUDE AND SNAP OUT OF IT!" Ryouga blinked, then snarled. "Lis... listen up, y... you bitch..." Ukyou's fist clenched. She started to do that blue glowing bit that Akane did so well.  
Ryouga, ignoring her flaring battle aura, continued, "I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP! I DON'T NEED ANYBODY! GOT THAT?! LEAVE ME ALONE!" "You... you... you jackass!" She looked around for something to hit Ryouga with, and picked up a nearby bucket full of water. -clang- *SPLASH*  
"Bwee!" She blinked in surprise. "P-chan?" She picked up the squealing,  
snarling piglet with the yellow bandanna. "YOU were P-chan?" P-chan glared at her. She started shaking, covering her mouth. "HAAHAHAHHAHAHA! Oh, this is funny." She continued giggling, with P-chan still held up by his bandanna. He squealed angrily and tried to get loose. "Say, I wonder what Akane'll think if she finds out, eh?" "BWEEEEEEE! BWEBWEBWEBWE!" "Calm down, I'm just joking!" She patted P-chan on the head. He settled down, but still looked angry. "C'mon, piggie, let's get outta here." She couldn't wipe the smirk off her face. No wonder Ranchan kept on calling Ryouga P-chan! Ha! Then she remembered Ranma and her mood crashed back down. "C'mon,  
pig-boy, stop squirming." P-chan stopped struggling and settled into a piggish sort of grumpiness.

After he sobered up, Ryouga didn't mind Ukyou's offer of help and refuge. She was one of the few people Ryouga considered as a friend. After all, she had helped him on several occasions to try to win over Akane. The other "friends" of his were either people he didn't want to come into contact with (Akane and Ranma) or were living with hazardous people (Mousse and his situation with Shampoo and Cologne).

Ukyou set up the attic of Ucchan's to serve as a room for Ryouga, with pig-friendly plumbing added by him. She didn't mind Ryouga's presence,  
just as long as he helped out at the restaurant. Besides, she was scared that his self-destructive habits would run wild if someone didn't watch over him. She was every bit as surprised as Ryouga was about Ranma's decision,  
maybe even more. Before the news, she was confident that in the end,  
she'd win Ranma's heart. She believed she was cuter than Akane, less psycho than her other competitors for Ranma, could cook better than any of them too, and knew Ranma for the longest time. She, as did the other fiancees, put up much protest and property damage when they found out about his decision. For the first time, Ranma actually showed a little backbone when dealing with the female furies, which sent Kodachi and Shampoo over the edge and into a kind of Fatal Attraction behavior. But unlike the rest, Ukyou cared more about how Ranma felt as well, and was the first to surrender to her loss (after much stomping around with her battle spatula and strongly resisting the urge to begin some serious property damage). She even sent a congratulations card.  
It didn't change the fact that she was devastated. Maybe as much as Ryouga. However, Ukyou was never one to stand still. She was determined to get on with her life. Her personality had obtained a slightly hard edge to it in dealing with recent events, but she felt she was dealing with it far better than certain other girls.

Chinese Amazons are a very unstable lot.

Take for example a certain purple-haired Chinese Amazon known as Shampoo. At the moment she was behind her store, the Nekohanten, armed with a sword and practicing on straw dummies. When she had found out that Ranma had proposed to Akane Tendou, (Shampoo had accidentally bike-crashed her way into the moment he was proposing to Akane.) she wasn't sad. *slash*  
She wasn't filled with angst. *whoosh*  
Oh no, not her. *whack*  
Shampoo was _mad_.

It has been said that hell hath no fury like that of a woman spurned. Whoever coined this phrase possibly met a Chinese Amazon, and may have even married one. The source of her aggravation was indeed from being spurned. It had set off a mixed set of emotions within her. Shampoo had come to actually _hate_ Ranma. She didn't stop loving him, but she also hated him at the same time. For a while, she had gone on a violent streak, which had done nothing for her except earn her a court order to stay away from the Tendou residence for a short time. In between the love and the hate, a sort of I-don't-care-anymore mentality was growing, but not fast enough to prevent her anger from slowly and surely heating up over time. Sooner or later it would boil over.

Meanwhile, in the kitchen, her great-grandmother Cologne was cooking up food and contemplating her dilemma. She had to have great granddaughter married to a strong warrior, and Ranma Saotome was the first to be able to defeat Shampoo.  
Unfortunately, Saotome had made his choice, and it wasn't Shampoo. Furthermore, he had found a point of leverage when he discovered that their residence in Japan was not exactly legal and angrily threatened Cologne with deportation if she or Shampoo had put any more extreme measures to pressure him into marrying Shampoo or made any threat on Akane. Cologne suspected Nabiki Tendou's hand in this treachery, since Ranma certainly was never clever enough to come up with such a plan.  
However, such a threat made against her was a grievous insult, and Cologne was beginning to resent the tremendous lack of it she had always gotten from Ranma. Sure, he was a strong fighter, but he was too smart for his own good sometimes.  
Cologne hadn't written off the idea of ensnaring Ranma yet. She just stopped putting pressure on him for the moment. It was time to get a backup plan. She couldn't return to China and allow Shampoo to come home twice in dishonor. Cologne was determined that Shampoo _would_ find a husband in Japan before ever setting foot in China again.

On the roof of the Nekohanten, Mousse was watching the stars come out. Mousse felt like he was one lucky duck. At last, there were no more rivals for Shampoo's heart! The only things that stood in his way now were that old ghoul Cologne and Shampoo herself, but that would not be enough to stop him. Mousse stood up and rang out his new battle cry: "You will be mine,  
Shampoo! Oh yes, You will be mine! A-HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Alone in the family garden, Tatewaki Kunou stood, bokken at the ready,  
practice targets around him. Kunou was one of a long line of kendo masters, and his arrogant behavior served to remind everyone of that fact. He had been, until a year ago, the undefeated kendo champion of Furinkan high. Undefeated, that is, until the evil sorcerer Ranma Saotome had come to town. Using various black arts he had thwarted Kunou on various occasions. Kunou went to extremes in finding ways to defeat Saotome. He had his ninja spy on the Tendou residence frequently. He had allied himself with an incompetent mage that played with dolls too much and wrinkled old trolls with bizarre abilities. He had even gone through an extremely hazardous training technique which had indeed improved his mighty skills even more but had temporarily left him with amnesia and had permanently installed the reflex to slice nearby watermelons with blazing speed, accuracy, and in even slices.

What would drive a man to such extremes?

Primarily, it was his extreme obsession with Akane Tendou and the Pig-Tailed Girl. Akane was the girl whose heart he had long chased after. Akane was like a goddess of war, strong, unconquerable, and beautiful. The pig-tailed girl was a mysterious figure. She was to him a modern day Venus, strong in vitality and beauty. The cur Saotome had time and again dared to stand in Kunou's way in his quest to win the hearts of these two women. Anyone who knew Kunou wasn't surprised that he decided to chase them both. He was always in extremes. Kunou was extremely enraged when he heard the news that Saotome had the gall to claim his engagement to Akane was now official. His rather limited reasoning capacity would not allow for the possibility of Akane not being his. However, there was a spark of intelligence within Kunou's mind which realized something: If Ranma was truly to dedicate himself to Akane only, that would mean... that would mean the Pig-Tailed Girl would now be free! More than ever before, Kunou was _extremely_ fixed on the pig-tailed girl. This point was emphasized by the four meter tall poster of her hanging from his ceiling (Now that Akane's poster was down, there was more room). The price of pig-tailed girl photos from Nabiki had tripled in price and yet Kunou did not even raise a hint of protest. Another hint of his mania was the twenty page love note he was in the middle of writing.

Kunou's sister, Kodachi, would normally be somewhere in the house,  
cooking intentionally toxic food or scheming to assassinate Akane Tendou. Run of the mill wicked sister stuff.

Unfortunately, she violated the court order restricting her from going anywhere near the Saotomes or Tendous.

The phone rang. Kunou's eyes widened. "SASUKE! HALT!" Sasuke appeared suddenly before him. "Master Kunou?" "Don't answer the phone." "But Master, what if it's mistress Kodachi?" "Have you no ears, man? Do _not_ answer the phone. Do you understand?"  
"... Yes Master." Kunou breathed a sigh of relief. The phone rang on. He'd let the answering machine pick it up.

"/Greetings. You have indeed reached the sanctuary of the great and noble Kunou family. Alas, we are unable to respond to your calls at the moment, so please leave thy name, phone number, and the message which you wish to impart upon our ears after the tone. Thank you./"

*BEEP* "Hello? Brother dear? Sasuke? Daddy? Is anyone there?"

Kunou could have bailed her out, but why bother? It wasn't that he wasn't close to his sister. He was, in a sense, ever since the time their father had abandoned them both for a long vacation in Hawaii. It was just that it had been so long since the Kunou house was so peaceful,  
and Tatewaki had just discovered this _really_ good takeout restaurant.

Gosunkugi hauled a big stack of books into his room and carefully organized them. These books were at an old bookstore, one of those dusty kinds that you only find in the out-of-the-way places. Gosunkugi had heard of a rumor about some magical books there and so without hesitation he tracked down the store and sure enough, there was a shelf dedicated to magic! The owner had warned that messing with magic could be dangerous,  
but Gosunkugi didn't care. After all, life was risk. There was one book... one book that seemed to beckon to him. He heard whispers in his head when he just looked at it. It spooked him. Gosunkugi wasn't one to try overwhelming projects, and _that_  
particular book, he felt, was something he shouldn't mess with until he got the thing with the paper dolls figured out properly. He thumbed through several other books until he found an interesting spell. "Hm... the supernatural assassin." he mumbled. "summons a spirit to kill the person who you wish eliminated. The summoned spirit may take on the appearance of the summoner, but no other unusual effects known." Gosunkugi sat there. He thought about it. "Aw heck, why not?" he mumbled, and read the instructions. He put several candles on his head, drew a circle on the floor, and began chanting:

"Forces of darkness Lords of shadows bring me a spirit to kill the source of my sorrows!"

He sighed.  
That was an incredibly stupid rhyme.  
It would be a miracle if he didn't end up offending some otherworldly spirit with his prose. He laughted at the thought of hell on earth being released by really bad poetry.  
Outside, the winds blew harder, thunder rumbled. From within, Gosunkugi's candles flickered out. He looked at the circle in anticipation. Suddenly, he heard a voice, a deep demonic voice:

"We're sorry, all spiritual assasins are currently under union strike and are unavailable for service. We hope to settle our differences with management soon and return to duty. Until then, leave your name, phone number, and address, and we'll send a representative to you immediately after the negotiations are done. Have a nice day!"

Gosunkugi sighed. He kneeled in front of the circle, treating it like a rather large phone.  
"Um... hello? I'm Hikaru Gosunkugi, my number is..."

Outside, a gentle drizzle had just begun to fall, darkening the skies and making travel undesirable by Jyusenkyou-challenged folk. In the Tendou household it was a typical day. Genma-panda and Soun were playing their infinite rounds of shogi, Kasumi was cooking in the kitchen, and Nabiki was talking to her squad of assistants on the phone. Ranma was sitting, watching television, with Akane leaning on his side. This wasn't typical. If this was a preview of married life, it wasn't bad. Not bad at all. It was a big surprise to many that Akane and Ranma liked each other at all. Most people who saw Akane and Ranma together usually saw the pair yelling at each other and Ranma running away from a well armed Akane. There were several times when Akane was almost lost to him. Being as thick-headed as he was, it took all of those several times (when she was taken by that Kirin guy, that Toma guy, almost getting dumped for that Shinnosuke guy, etc etc etc the list goes on...) for him to finally realize exactly why he was fighting so damn hard any time Akane got in trouble. He really did care about her. And one day he realized how short life was and thus proposed to her and she happily responded with a "Yes!"

At least, that's how he thought it went.

Since the engagement was made official, they'd gotten along much better. They both thought it probably had something to do with their little post-engagement celebration, but this isn't THAT kind of a story so the details aren't needed and it would be sufficent to say that their relationship took at least one step forward. She'd only punted him through the roof once since then, and that was a big improvement from before. Not only that, but no more badgering from his dad or Mr. Tendou. However, that didn't mean all was well in Nerima. The major threat of massive property damage was increased from it's already very high levels. Tatewaki Kunou had stepped up the frequency and ferocity of his attacks,  
as well as increasing his wooing of Akane and especially of the Pig-Tailed girl. Ranma was especially worried about Ryouga. He knew that Ryouga's ki-blasts were fueled by depression, and he was afraid one day he'd wake up to see a Mega shi-shi houkoudan wiping out the entire city.

"Hey, Ranma, you notice that Ryouga's been hanging out at Ukyou's alot lately?" Akane asked, slightly derailing Ranma's line of thought. "Well, yeah." "You think Ryouga and Ukyou are... y'know..." The thought had occurred to them before that those two might have had something together, but they hadn't thought of it since that disasterous vacation to the Cave of Lost Loves. Ukyou and Ryouga? Ryouga and Ukyou? Either way it didn't sound too bad at all. "Well," Akane continued, "I think they'd make a sweet couple." "Hm... you think so?" "Hey, how about we do a little matchmaking? Ryouga's always seemed so lonely." "Why Ryouga, that sly little pig. Him and Ukyou, eh? That wouldn't be bad at all. Why not?" Ranma knew that despite their rivalry, Ryouga was an honorable guy. Very loyal to people too. Besides, if Ryouga got a girlfriend, it would be like diffusing a nuclear warhead. And if that girlfriend was Ukyou, then there's two potential problems solved with everyone happy. There was still the problem with Shampoo, and he knew that the current solution to that problem wouldn't work in the long run. He immediately thought of Mousse, and possibly coming up with a plan later. But then again, he didn't think too highly of Mousse's intelligence, so his enthusiasm was limited.  
"Speaking of pigs, I wonder where P-Chan went. It's been a month, I'm getting worried." "Ah, he'll be alright. He always comes back, right?" Ranma wrote a mental note to himself: Buy small black pig ASAP. Get bandanna from Ryouga. Akane snuggled closer to Ranma. "Hey, Ranma, what do you want for dinner? "Kasumi hasn't planned anything yet?" Akane smiled proudly and said "I'm cooking tonight." "Akane," he said, holding her close, looking deeply into her eyes. She felt his breath on her lips, his hands on her shoulders. She leaned forward so her forehead was touching his. "Yes?" she whispered. "We're going to be married soon, y'know? I don't wanna die." He smiled. She blinked and gave him a light peck on the lips and then a swift elbow to the gut. "Jerk..." she said with a smile, resuming her previous position leaning against him.

"Now, I'm not saying that your cooking hasn't improved," said Ranma. Akane smiled. "I'm just saying that it's still incredibly bad."

*WHAM*

Akane examined the new sunlight that she added to the roof. "When will he learn to keep his big mouth shut."

"Me and my big mouth," Ranma groaned, taking the scenic route _high_  
above Nerima. Off he went, hit by the drizzle and transformed into a girl, over the Tendou's, past Furinkan High, waaay up there. At the rate she was going, it looked like Akane was going to tie her record for distance. {Seems like Akane hasn't lost her touch, eh? Hm... at let's see... speed... trajectory... a-huh... I oughta be landing really far today.}  
As Ranma flew past the Nekohanten, she spotted something. {Oh, wait,  
what was that down there? Hey, it's Mousse. Haven't seen him in a while. Guess I'll say hi.}

"Heeeeeyyyyy Moooouuuuuuussee!"

Mousse looked around from under his umbrella. He adjusted his glasses. He looked around again. Cloudy skies and still streets greeted his eye.

"Strange," he muttered to himself, "now I'm hearing things."

There was a room. Actually, it was more like a garage. Strewn on the floor were various mechanical bits, wrenches, ratchets,  
bolts, some oil spots, and miscellaneous stains from working with large mechanical items. On the walls were various blueprints and sketches. A Mishima Heavy Industries calendar was hung there as well, opened up to Miss June in the cockpit of a Poison-1 assault hoverjet. Supported by various metal frames were several strange items, such as a large potted plant, a park bench, a turn left sign, a trashcan, and a large sign. Out from under the turn left sign emerged what appeared to be a little blond girl. This was, in fact, Tsubasa. He'd been making several dramatic improvements in the durability of his costumes. There were two major reasons why, really. First, Ukyou, his love of a lifetime,  
had a tendancy to get very violent, and those disguises were not cheap to replace. Second, the crowd that she was a part of had a tendancy to cause large explosions or other various disasterous effects, which also wrecked his costumes. Maybe in the short run, a ceramic-armor mailbox or a teflon-cushoned turn left sign might be expensive, but in the long run, he felt it would pay off.

*WHAM*

Ranma crashed down into a pile of trash cans. She got up, brushed herself off, and promptly got slammed back into the trash cans by another flying (now crashing) person. To be exact, it was a skinny, brown-haired teen. "Ouch," the newcomer said, "dammit, I hate when Shinobu acts like that..." "Gedoffameee..." Ranma muttered. Suddenly, the stranger stood up. "Oh, sorry about that. Let me help you up." He helped Ranma up and they both began brushing themselves off. "Hi there, Ataru Moroboshi. Sorry about that." "Ataru Moroboshi? Hey, I've seen you on TV. Something about aliens..." "Whatever it was, it wasn't my fault." "Er.. sure. I'm Ranma Saotome." They shook hands. Ataru looked at Ranma carefully. Normally, he wouldn't hesitate to try and hit on a girl, or at least get in a cheap feel, and this girl was pretty cute. But something deep in Ataru's soul warned him that something was wrong. He hadn't had this feeling since he met that guy who dressed up like a girl... hm... it couldn't be. She was just too cute. But...  
his gut instinct was warning him, so he just had to ask. "Say... you're a guy, aren't you." Ataru said. "Er... yeah." Ataru was relieved that he listened to his instincts. "What's with the sex change? I mean, I felt'em when I landed on you. Those things are obviously not just cotton stuffed under a bra." "Long story." Ranma muttered. Ataru figured maybe it was one of those weird sex-change zapguns that those obnoxious aliens sometimes carry. He found out about those from personal experience. "So, tell me, what were you doing in the garbage pile?" asked Ataru. "My fiancee hit me." "You're engaged to a violent man?" Ataru asked. "Er... no. I'm engaged to a girl." "Let me get this straight," said Ataru, "no joke intended, but you got a sex change, and then got engaged to a girl? Is she..." "No!" "Are you..." "No!" "O-kay... so, you've got a strong fiancee, huh?" "Yeah, especially when she gets angry. Got me with an uppercut today. What happened to you?" "Ex-fiancee, spinning toss." "Hm. I'm familiar with that. Say, where am I anyways? I kinda lost track while flying outta the Furinkan area." "You're in the Tomobiki area right now." Suddenly, the crackling sound of electricity was heard around the corner. "Daaaarling! Where are you?" a feminine voice called out. "Damn! It's her!" Ataru yelled. "Her? Your ex-fiancee?" "No," he replied, "my... wife... in a sense... she kinda forced herself on me, y'know? The overly affectionate and deadly type." "Yeah, I can sympathize. She a Chinese Amazon by any chance?" "Nope. Alien Oni Devil. Look, I gotta get outta here. See ya later." "Bye." Ranma watched Ataru run down the street, shrugged, and went on her way.

At the side of a house, a person dressed all in black crept. He picked the back door lock. He crept in and closed the door behind him. Minutes passed. He crept back out, looking very puzzled, and walked into the night.

\- end part 1 - 


	3. One More Time

============= Part II One More Time =============

Ryouga was having one of those days. Business was incredibly busy at Ucchan's, and it actually managed to drain his endurance. Then it was his turn to do the big cleanup, thanks to some overzealousness and a big gamble in a poker game against Ukyou. Just when he'd finished washing dishes, he accidentally splashed himself with cold water. To add insult to injury, for some odd reason, that night was the night that the gas wasn't working.  
He was stuck as a pig, and it looked like it'd be that way for a while. It had obviously put him in an incredibly rotten mood, mainly because he remembered all those nights as a pig... with _her_. And finally, he couldn't find his way back to his room. Ryouga sighed, his piggy ears flopping in depression, and faded into unconsciousness. A moment later, through a groggy half-consciousness, he knew he was being held. It was a welcome feeling. Nobody had held him like this since Akane. Then he got whapped by something cold.

Ukyou was running her father's cart, back out in the open road. She was confused... didn't she own a resteraunt? She shrugged off the feeling, since she just didn't have time for that. The line was long, in fact it seemed neverending.  
"Yessir, may I take your order?"  
"Yessir? Hey, Ucchan, s'me!"  
Ukyou blinked. She peered closely. "Ranchan? Hey! What'll it be?"  
"Delux pork okonomiyaki for me and my wife," he said with a smile,  
pulling Akane next to him (seemingly out of nowhere).  
"Y-your wife?"  
"Hi, Ucchan!" said Akane. Ukyou winced at the sound of _Akane_ calling her 'Ucchan'. Who did she think she was? Despite these feelings, she found herself smiling and nodding, waving hello. The sense of a loss of control angered her, as she watched herself pull out the ingredients...

Ryouga woke up quickly with a loud squeal and looked around in a panic.  
Something was hitting him, something was tossing him around.

Ukyou struggled to get a grip on the okonomiyaki but it kept on squirming off of her spatula. It started springing around, as if it was alive. Akane and Ranma frowned, looking at her in shame.  
"Gosh, Ucchan," said an amused Akane, "what's wrong with your cooking today?" "Yeah," said Ranma, "it's just as bad as Akane's!" Ukyou's face was in a panic as she tried to stop the okonomiyaki from squirming, while her ears were tortured by the sound of Ranma and Akane laughing at her.  
"I-it's a temporary problem, really!" said Ukyou weakly, "I'll have it ready! I will!"  
"You know, Akane," said Ranma, "I think she's as much a tomboy as you were, maybe more."  
"Yup!" happily agreed Akane.  
Feeling a rush of panic, Ukyou looked at herself. There was something... something _wrong_.  
"Something wrong, Ucchan?" asked Ranma.  
Ukyou blinked, then felt around her chest. It was... alarmingly flat.  
Definitely too flat. Oh no... nonono...  
Ranma blinked again. "Heeey, Ucchan, you're a guy after all!" Suddenly, everyone was laughing at Ukyou. Ranma, Akane, Ryouga, the other Tendos, the guys from high school, middle school, and elementary,  
_everyone_, at her. Even the okonomiyaki was bouncing up and down.  
"STOP MOVING!"  
*WHAP*  
"BWEEEEEEE!"

Bwee?  
Ukyou's eyes opened and she stumbled back and forth unsteadily as she woke up... standing... in the kitchen.  
"BWEE! BWEE! BWEE!"  
"Huh?" She rubbed her eyes and yawned. "Oh... Ryouga. What're you doing in the kitchen... what am I doing in the kitchen? How'd I get here?"  
Ryouga snorted a bit and looked at her crossly.  
"What? What did I do?"  
*snort*  
"I just don't understand you at all, you pig. Let's see about getting some hot water... oh yeah, the gas is out. Hm..." She sat down, thinking of what to do. P-chan sat on his hindquarters and lowered his head, ears slumped down as well.  
"Bweee."  
"Yeah, yeah, I know, but you'l just have to live with it tonight."  
"Bwee?" wondered P-chan.  
"I had the weirdest dream, Ryouga," said Ukyou as she settled into a chair. "I'll... tell ya about it later."  
Unable to sleep just yet, the chef and the pig stared idly out into the silent night streets.

The next morning, Ucchan's opened uneventfully for the early morning crowd. Opening at five in the morning was something Ryouga would rather not do, but it wasn't for him to say. He was grumpy, which was normal,  
although this morning there was a new source which fueled his irritation.  
"G'morning, Ryouga," said Ukyou. Ryouga grunted an acknowledgement and started arranging the tables and chairs. Ukyou blinked, then resumed cooking the orders for a few customers that were already waiting. There was something different in that grunt. Ryouga must, she assumed, be upset about something. "Something bothering you?" "What happened last night?" he asked in an irritated tone of voice.  
"What do you mean 'what happened last night?'"  
"You were slapping me around with your spatulas... you were COOKING me!" Ryouga's face took on something of a sneer.  
"I was doing it in my sleep, okay? It was an accident. Didn't I apologize already?"

"Ya hear that?" one customer whispered to another.  
"The lady likes it rough."  
"Funny, I didn't think she was the type..."

"So... what was the dream about?" asked Ryouga.  
"Nothing, don't worry about it," answered Ukyou.  
Considering the way that Ryouga's mind worked, she should have seen the next comment coming from a mile away. But she didn't.  
"It had something to do with Ranma, didn't it?" At those words, Ukyou winced and gave Ryouga a mean glare.  
"I had a dream about him, so what?" she shot back.  
"I don't understand what you ever saw in him," grumbled Ryouga.  
"He was brave, and sweet, and..." listed Ukyou.  
"He led you on, he lied to you, he was a freeloader..." calmly countered Ryouga.  
"Oh shut up," sniped Ukyou as she tossed out some okonomiyaki to waiting customers with ease and started on new ones. "It's not like you're any better."  
"What's that supposed to mean?" wondered Ryouga.  
"Leeeeet's see," started Ukyou with a smirk on her face. "One," she started, lifting a finger, "You took advantage of Akane over and over..."  
"I DID NOT!"  
"...by sleeping in her bed as her 'pet'. Don't you deny it." Ryouga hung his head low in shame.

This, of course, gave the morning crowd even more to talk about.  
"Boy, they're kinky."  
"That boy is a love slave? What a pervert."

"Two," said Ukyou, lifting another finger, "you're totally untrustworthy with a girl's heart. How many times did Ranchan make you fall for him?" "Don't remind me!" "If you were REALLY faithful to Akane, IT WOULD'VE NEVER HAPPENED!"

"Didja hear that? That boy has a *boyfriend* and a girlfriend!" "Kids these days, all perverts."

"Three," said Ukyou, lifting another finger, "you always picked a fight with Ranma for no reason at all."  
Ryouga blinked. "No reason? There was plenty of reason! Thanks to him, I've-"  
"-seen hell, yeah yeah yeah," dismissed Ukyou. "Half the things you blame him for wouldn't have happened if you weren't so much of a jerk to begin with."  
"Hey!"  
"Then there's your total lack of direction..." "That isn't my fault!" "Whatever." Ukyou tossed Ryouga a mean grin, while he shot back a bit of a glare, then they both went back to work.

"You were as bad as me," he muttered. "Ex-CUSE ME?!" yelled Ukyou. Ryouga pointed a finger at Ukyou. "You heard me." "I most certainly am NOT as bad as you were!" "Let's see... YOU were after Ranma too, for ruining your life. Wasn't that the reason?" he pointed out. "Thanks to him, you've... oh...  
seen hell?"  
"Hey, that's different than-  
"Then you ambushed Akane while you were pretending to train her once!" "Okay, there was that. Shut up already, I give up." "Ha." Ryouga had the Smirk of the Righteous while Ukyou had the Scowl of the One Ticked Off By The Righteous.

"Still... don't see whatever you saw in Akane," muttered Ukyou. "She was sweet, and gentle, and caring," said Ryouga, his eyes getting a bit glazed in sweet memeory. "She was violent," said Ukyou. "Don't deny that. You _can't." "Er..." "And she was short-tempered." "Maybe she was, sometimes," murmured Ryouga. "Her cooking was _terrible_." "Well, yeah. And?" wondered Ryouga. "And she'd kill anyone that would tell her that," replied Ukyou. "She was violent, short-tempered, cooked POISON, and... she was more manly than YOU." "Look who's talking, the girl that Ranma thought was a GUY for so long!" retaliated Ryouga. "You're more of a tomboy than Akane!" Ukyou fumed while Ryouga stuck his tongue out and 'biiiiiiih'ed at her. "OH YEAH!" roared Ukyou. "YEAH!" shot back Ryouga. "IS THAT SO!" yelled Ukyou, putting her face right in front of Ryouga's with the most angry expression she could muster. "THAT'S SO!" snarled Ryouga. "WELL AT LEAST I DIDN'T GIVE UP SO EASILY!" Ryouga blinked. "Give up?"  
"Yeah, give up. Did you ever tell Akane how YOU felt? No! You never had the GUTS! At least I tried my best with Ranchan!" "And your best wasn't good enough! So there! HA!" "Why you..." "And right now you're EXACTLY the same position as me, so a lot of good your 'best' effort did, eh!"  
"Ryouga you JACKASS!" Ukyou pulled out her Uber-spatula and swung in a manner that would make the baseball players of Japan proud. Ryouga was caught by the swing at full force, and flew off into the sky (at Standard Martial Artist Altitude (known as SMAA, which is why the Nerima residents would often comment on events like this by saying, "boy, he got smaahed")).

Lost again.

If Ryouga wrote an autobiography, he figured that would be the title. His life nowadays was like his sense of direction, incredibly unclear. Clearly, there would have to be changes made in his lifestyle. For the first time, he thought about the future. With no immediate concerns (such as a longtime rival or a love to pine over) he had not much else to think of. So he did what he usually did in times like this, which was wander aimlessly through Tokyo (he hoped it was still Tokyo) and let fate control his destination.  
He had to go to school again. This much was clear. There weren't much prospects for an uneducated martial artist, really. Not in this day and age. He hadn't gone to school for quite a while, and he knew that he'd probably have to take some sort of test to determine where he belonged... given the odd circumstances of his lifestyle. Of course, this was Nerima,  
and Furinkan did indeed have contingency plans for situations such as his. After all, it wasn't uncommon that wandering martial artists pass by Nerima and suddenly need education. Ukyou was proof of it. After high school, he didn't know. He shrugged and decided to answer that question another day. With the burning issue of the minute resolved, his mind slinked back to darker issues. In particular, Ukyou's words were nagging at him. It was incredibly embarrasing, the list of stupid things he did, and he hoped that he'd never do them again (or at the very least, if he did, that nobody would point it out to him). Then there was the matter of giving up. He had to admit, that was true. At least Ukyou told Ranma how she felt. Ryouga never managed anything close to that. _Damn you, Ranma_ he thought sadly, _and damn me_. His mind was soon locked on that issue... of giving in with a whimper instead of a bang, and by the time he walked by Hokkaido it was buzzing in his head like flies on a corpse.

It was nagging at her.

She thought she'd killed this issue already, but Ryouga's words were surprisingly sharp to her, bringing back the old feelings. Ranchan was with a girl that was less understanding, less patient, less womanly, more tomboyish, more violent, and was the only person Ukyou knew that ever managed to cook Primordial Soup (complete with budding new life forms). There was no way Ranchan could _possibly_ be happy with her. It had to be a conspiracy or something. They _did_ pull that trick on her once... trying to make her believe that Ranma and Akane really were getting along. Of course, last time it didn't work. They wouldn't be forcing Ranma to try that again, would they?

No way.

As sunset hit Japan, Ryouga was wandering back in the right city again (he didn't know he was ever in the _wrong_ city, he just assumed that parts of Tokyo suddenly became very rural). He really didn't notice this,  
however, due to his mind still occasionally echoing those nagging doubts. Finally, darkness covered the city, and this finally made Ryouga take a good look around. And when he did, he felt, at the very least, surprised. He was right at the gates of the Tendo Dojo. {The last place I wanted to be at...} he thought, looking miserable.

"JERK!" "IDIOT!"

Ryouga's eyes narrowed. That was Akane... and Ranma... fighting? He entered the gates cautiously and leapt into a nearby tree. From that vantage point, he had a perfect view of the main room. From that area, he could plainly see Akane having another yelling match with Ranma, although Ryouga was too far away to hear properly on what they were arguing about. An internal battle began to rage in ernest as he saw Ranma start yelling back at her in an even louder voice. She didn't deserve this, not Akane. He cursed Ranma repeatedly as the argument raged. Didn't he tell Ranma to treat her good? Didn't he?! Ryouga could watch no longer, and was getting ready to join the fray (and bludgeon Ranma into a pulp). Then there was silence. Ranma, looking a bit embarrased, said a few quiet words to a fuming Akane, who was turned away and fuming. Then, she turned to him with a softened expression, and said a few quiet words of her own. They walked to each other slowly, muttering what apparently seemed like apologies,  
then joined in a hug. After a while, they talked again, their voices becoming light and carefree, then became more teasing as Ranma ran from Akane cheerfully, towards the dojo, and Akane chased after, laughing. Ryouga could feel the love. It was slowly drowning all his anger in a sickening flood of love, generated by the loving couple that had raced off. Ryouga knew, what he just witnessed, it was true love.  
He felt tired. Revenge seemed a faraway thing. Anger was a distant echo. The time for fighting, he knew, was over. It was all over. Any dreams he had in the past, over. And he found himself almost ready to just quit.  
That moment of rare introspection was shattered as two feet slammed into Ryouga's skull from above. Apparently, both parties were taken entirely by surprise, as they both scrambled, lost their grip on the tree,  
and fell to the ground below. As he struggled to get up, Ryouga felt a solid *CLANG* on his head.  
"Ryouga you IDIOT! What're you doing here?"  
"U-Ukyou?"  
Realizing that they were obviously making alot of noise, the two scrambled up and into the night before Ranma or Akane came out of the dojo to check.

"So, what were you doing there?" asked Ryouga.  
"Just passing by, that's all," replied Ukyou. "And you?"  
"Oh, er, same thing, same thing."  
They both sighed as they looked out of Ucchan's front window, gazing at what few stars were visible with all the city lights obscuring the night sky.  
"Hey, Ukyou, could you help me join Furinkan High?"  
"Join?" She looked at him strangely. "What do you mean, join?"  
"I... wanna go back to school."  
"Oh?"  
"Yeah. You might say I'm starting over."  
"Me too," she said quietly.  
"What?"  
"Nothing, nothing. We'll take care of it tomorrow, okay?"  
"Thanks, Ukyou."  
"No problem, sugar." She stood up, yawned, and stretched. "Oh well,  
guess I'll turn in for the night."  
"Hey, Ukyou," said Ryouga, his face looking a bit tense.  
"Hm? What now?"  
"I'm... sorry about what I said today."  
"Oh." She hadn't been thinking of that, and really forgot about it until he brought it up. Her mind was stilll somber from what she'd seen at the Tendo residence. Watching those two, it was hard for her to take,  
but it was clear that they were in love. Her dream was dead, long dead,  
and she realized she'd best start moving along in life. It didn't make it any easier to be around Ranma, and her feelings for him didn't just change instantly, but it was, in her mind, a small step towards moving on. It was also a good idea to not make any more enemies, and with that in mind... "I'm sorry too, Ryouga. See ya later."  
Ukyou left for her room, leaving Ryouga in the darkness, staring out at the infinite night sky. The world... was indeed a cold and lonely place,  
and big too. Science could back him up on this fact, since a great majority of outer space was cold enough to be lethal to most life forms on earth.  
At the moment, however, Ryouga was just thinking along philosophical lines.  
"Ukyou?" he said quietly.

Ukyou was about to close her door when she heard Ryouga call out,  
desperately. "Ukyou? Ukyou? Where are you?!" Hearing the desperation in his voice, she quickly rushed out and found him still out in the storefront.  
"Ryouga?!" she said, rushing to him. "You okay?"  
"Yeah... um..." He looked distinctly embarrased.  
"Hm? What? Hey, what's bothering you?"  
"Could you show me where my room is? I can't seem to find it and I don't wanna end up sleeping on the floor here again."  
_This_ is what he was shouting about? Now where's that spatula...

*CLANG* "IDIOT!" *CLANG*CLANG*CLANG* "DON'T SCARE ME LIKE THAT!"  
"Ow! Cut it out, you violent manic!"

*CLANG*

-end part 2- 


	4. Ryouga the Girl Magnet!

========================== PART III Ryouga the Girl-Magnet!  
==========================

[Evening, Near the End of Summer]

Back at Ucchan's, Ryouga had just finished helping Ukyou close down the store. He locked up the doors and headed to the back area of Ucchan's for what had become a nightly habit for both of them. "Alright then," Ryouga said, a smile growing on his face, "let's get started." If there was one thing that brought out a little sense of fun in him lately, it was these nightly sessions with Ukyou. Ryouga admitted to himself that he was still a bit inept at it. Usually, it was him that ended up having to do the work. He always had to put on some protective gear. If it broke, it was going to be a fairly annoying situation to say the least. It also made him a little tired. At first, he was somewhat inept, enough so to make Ukyou whap him at times, but he was getting better at it. Sure he ended up doing all the work, but seeing how it cheered up Ukyou made him feel better.  
And if he played his cards right tonight, she'd be the one having to work hard. "Oh my," Ukyou taunted, "feeling lucky tonight?" Ukyou enjoyed this nightly ritual as well. She'd normally rather have Ranma here, but she wasn't sure she was ready to face him again without a major emotional breakdown. Besides, it was nice to see Ryouga cheer up a bit, even if he usually ended up doing all the work. Ukyou turned around, bent forward a bit, opened a drawer, and took out a small package. She smiled wickedly and turned to face Ryouga.

"Okay, the game's poker, seven card draw, aces wild. Loser cleans the dishes and the grill!"

Hikaru Gosunkugi glanced nervously out at the night. He hadn't been resting well ever since the time he tried to summon an assassin spirit. Exactly why this was so eluded him. Shouldn't that have made him feel better? For once, his magics had actually managed to work and he had made contact with The Other Side. Well... at least he managed to leave a message on the automated reply system anyways. Still, he felt nervous and edgy. Recently, he had a nightmare where he was looking rather healthy and hansome, and suddenly ran into an angry and demonic version of himself,  
looking like it came straight out of hell.  
That was silly, he thought. If that stupid supernatural assassin came through anyways, he _should_ be able to have some control of it, right?  
He drew up the magic circle once again, tied candles to his head, and bent down to speak into the circle. "Er... hello?" he meekly said. "Supernatural Assassins, may I help you?" said a soothing voice.  
Probably one of a succubus, he thought.  
"W-well, yes, I'd like to cancel a previous order." "Cancel?" He could almost hear the demoness blinking.

[The week after]

It was once again closing time at Ucchan's. Ryouga couldn't take it anymore. The same damned routine, day in, day out. Wake up, feel sorry for himself for a couple of hours while working as a waiter, eat some okonomiyaki, wallow in angst, eat some okonomikayi,  
sleep. The card games were nice, but he feeling cooped up. He was beginning to wonder if he was becoming a nuisance to Ukyou. He was also beginning to get a little sick of okonomiyaki, but he felt he'd be killed by Ukyou if he revealed that little fact. He needed to get out, that's what he needed. "Hey, Ukyou, wanna go out?" This threw Ukyou off a bit.  
"Er, go out?" "Well..."  
Ryouga didn't notice her fidgeting. He was wrapped up thinking about his own problems. "Yeah, see a movie or something. I just gotta break out of this routine. You're right, I should get on with my life. I can't hide in here forever, right?"  
Ukyou wasn't sure what to say. It felt good to see Ryouga finally shake out of his slump. She guessed that maybe she just got used to having depressed Ryouga around, and this new direction Ryouga was a surprise.  
"Besides, if you don't guide me around, I'll be lost for weeks" Ryouga said, smiling at his own joke. He used to really deny that his sense of direction was lousy. He wondered why. Ukyou smiled warmly "Yeah, sure. Let's get outta here." {Looks like you're getting your sense of humor back, Ryouga.} She thought. Ukyou looked at Ryouga and she imagined what he'd be like without the bandanna... and maybe with a pig-tail... and some dental work... and a red Chinese shirt... "Hey, Ukyou, I'm not too much of a bother, am I? I mean, me staying here for the past few months."  
"No, no. I'm glad you're here," Ukyou answered. "I really needed the help around here," she said, smiling. She looked at Ryouga and thought about somebody else.  
"Good," he replied. He saw her smile and it reminded him of someone else too.

[October, Monday Morning]

It was the school season. It was a potential disaster in body-counts and property damage, Ranma thought. His engagement to Akane was well known, but everyone also knew they didn't plan on carrying out the wedding. It wasn't exactly common knowledge that they'd finally gotten serious about it, and he didn't know how his many rivals would react. So far, nobody had taken any action, but the word was spreading across school slowly.  
The Chem Club, the Akane Tendou Stormtroopers, Tatewaki Kunou,  
Gosunkugi Hikaru, Ryouga, all those nuisances out there waiting and ready to blow up.  
Ranma thought he'd spotted Gosunkugi earlier, except that he was looking a bit taller and carried himself rather arrogantly. Also, Ranma was surprised Gosunkugi was in a suit. Maybe Gosunkugi was going for the suave romantic tactic in order to win Akane over? It was hard to imagine him as anything like that.  
Kunou had rallied the forces of his kendo club, and rumor was that there was going to be a massive ambush on Ranma at the end of the day.  
However, the news of the day was when he found out that Ryouga had joined the ranks of Furinkan High. Ranma was going through the halls when he spotted what he thought was Ryouga. Yup, there's the bandanna, the mega-smasher umbrella, but... that was a school uniform he was wearing.  
Feeling that this merrited further observation, he looked more carefully and spotted Ukyou walking with him, yanking him in another direction whenever he seemed to be veering off-course. They went to a schoolroom,  
Ryouga went in and she waved goodbye.  
This, to Ranma, looked interesting.  
He ran up to Ukyou and they had a general how's-the-weather conversation. Topics such as the-restaraunt-is-doing-great,  
Kodachi-is-still- in-jail, and you-got-a-court-order-on-Shampoo-too? were idly discussed.  
Finally, Ranma got to the point. "Was that Ryouga I just saw with you?" "Yeah. He's going to Furinkan High now." "Really? Hope he doesn't try to kill me." "Oh... don't worry about it, Ranchan. He's been kinda calm about it. It took a month for him to stop radiating ki accidentally, but he's almost back to normal."  
"What made him decide to start school?" Ranma asked. "He said something about getting on with his life." {Hmm} Ranma thought, {speaking of getting on with life...}  
"Er... Ukyou, how are you... I mean... are you..." Ukyou put on her best artificial smile. "C'mon, stop worrying about me!" Suddenly she leaned on him, "or... are you still interested in me? Hmm?" She tilted her head on his shoulder and batted her eyelashes. Ranma stumbled back a bit "No! I mean... er..." "Hey, just kidding, just kidding!" She stepped away. Deep inside Ukyou's subconscious a voice muttered {notmarriedYETnotmarriedYET}  
Then Ranma ever-so-gently, (as gently as only Ranma could) slipped in the topic of Ukyou maybe being interested in Ryouga.

"So, Ucchan, dating Ryouga?" *CLANG*  
"Argh! Sorry! Get this spatula offa me!" *RIP* "Whaddaya mean, me dating Ryouga?!" "Well, hasn't he been living with you?" "Yeah..." "For several months?" "So what?" "And now he's going to the same school as you." "Wait just a minute!" "And I'm seeing you walking him to his classes..." "It's his lousy sense of-" "And you two walk together all the time, right? How romantic!" He elbowed Ukyou a bit. *CLANG* "IT'S HIS LOUSY SENSE OF DIRECTION, YOU IDIOT!" "Ouch. Sorry, sorry, just teasing ya! Get this thing off me!" *RIP*  
"Seriously, Ucchan, maybe me and him don't get along, but he is a nice guy. Really loyal. Very honorable. You should think about it." "Yeah, right." "By the way, Ucchan," Ranma asked, "mind if me and Akane came by the restaraunt later? She wants to get some cooking tips from you." His expression suddenly became desperate. "PLEASE SAY YES."  
"Fine, whatever." she mumbled. "Hm?" "Er... I said yeah, come on over!" Walking away, Ukyou was thinking about things. "Well," she quietly said to herself, "maybe I've lost a fiancee, but at least I've still got my best friend." {But} she thought, {I want my fiancee back.}  
{Sheesh} Ranma thought, {she's getting a little violent, kinda like Akane used to be.}  
Nearby, a potted plant stomped off angrily. After getting outside,  
Tsubasa dumped his disguise and went away muttering. "Great, just great. First Ranma, now this Ryouga guy. That's it. Time to get serious." He began thumbing through his Mishima Heavy Industries catalogue,  
particularly in the weaponry section.

Somewhere in the crowd, Gosunkugi was hammering straw dolls everywhere,  
but that never worked anyways so nobody cared. Gosunkugi felt that after the big experience he had with The Other Side maybe he ought to go back and work on the basics again and see if he could get that right. He wasn't sure why, but he felt like he was being watched by someting... something that probably felt a bit embarrased about the dolls.

A large crowd, literally a swarm of people, were gathered in the soccer field of Furinkan High. The Chem Club, the Archery Club, the Kendo Team,  
the Soccer Team, almost every male organization that existed, were all gathered at that field.  
Once upon a time, Akane had faced hordes of boys every morning in her daily walk to school. Those days ended when everyone (but Kuno)  
surrendered and accepted Ranma as her fiancee. However, there was something... magnetic about Akane that captured their imaginations, and when they heard that Ranma was finally actually serious about wanting to marry Akane, they felt that it was time for one more try. Just one more try before Akane was forever unavailable to them.  
The Kendo Team, led by Tatewaki Kunou, was at the center of the mess. "I tell you now that the honor of defeating that wretch Saotome shall go to ME! Akane shall be MINE!" The team stood protectively around him,  
their bokkens readied "Hold on there, Kunou," the leader of the Sumo club rumbled, "we've got a right to chase after Akane as well." The leader of the Chem club looked smug. These fools may have better strength, but their minds were vastly inferior. He smiled to himself and patted a small remote in his pocket that was rigged to several mines that were planted in the field just hours ago. "You all insist upon the right to pursue Akane Tendou?" Kunou yelled.  
"Very well then, we shall decide today who has the right to be in this grand pursuit! Be warned that I shall show no mercy to those who stand between me and my true loves!" Quite a few people seemd a bit confused. Kunou's speeches always were a little on the fancy side. "FIGHT!" Kunou bellowed. The swarms of students charged at each other. Bokken vs. tennis racket, hockey stick vs. golf club, and all other sorts of mayhem broke out. "Fools!" the chem club leader yelled, "You don't know it yet but you're already dead! HAHAHAHA!" With a dramatic flair, he took out the remote, held it high, and pressed the button. Then he realized something. Him and the rest of the Chem Club were on the field of battle too.

*****BOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM*****

Meanwhile, somewhere nearby, an interesting conversation was taking place. "Gosunkugi! Time to give up your lunch money! Get down from that tree, you little wimp!" A gang of thugs was surrounding a tree in front of the school, yelling at a rather skinny figure in a tree. "You're making a mistake." "Don't think so, geek." There was laughter in the crowd. "I'm going to count to three." "And then what, Gosunkugi? Gonna cry?" a rather large thug said. "One." "I am just _so_ scared." "Two." "Boys?" Everyone reached into their clothing and took out their weaponry.

"Three."

*BOOM*BOOM*BOOM*BOOM*BOOM*BOOM*BOOM*BOOM*

[Evening, Nekohanten]

Shampoo had held back as long as she could. No more. She opened her weapons cabinet. That violent Akane Tendou took her fiancee. HER fiancee. Shampoo picked up a steel mallet, examining it carefully. Shampoo had done so much for Ranma! She cooked for Ranma, she fought for Ranma, she even tried several mind-altering drugs on Ranma. All without success. Did Akane do any of this? She thought not. He was so damn inconsiderate, wasn't he? Didn't she tell him how much she loved him? What a jerk. Of course, SHE made him into a jerk. It was all her fault, that little BITCH. Shampoo put down the mallet, looking unsatisfied. She picked up a wicked looking sword. It was the same sword she used to try and kill Ranma before she found out Ranma was a boy. Looking satisfied, she closed the weapon cabinet and ran out the door.

"Akane, I KILL!"

taptaptaptapthudthudthudthudSTOMPSTOMPSTOMP==SLAM==stompstompstomp thudthudthudthudtaptaptap...

"Mousse, what was that? Did someone open the front door?" "I think it was Shampoo going out to kill somebody. Probably Akane. You think we..." Cologne sighed. She was sure nobody would get hurt, but if Shampoo violated that court order, they'd have to bail her out of jail. That wasn't cheap. "Yes, Mousse, let's go stop her."

[Evening, Ucchan's]

Ukyou sighed. {Patience, Girl. Take deep breaths.}  
"Ukyou, are you okay?" "Why ya asking, Akane?" "Seems like you're having a hard time breathing. Maybe we should take a break?" Ukyou looked at the scene in front of her. She had tried to see where Akane's cooking skills were by starting with something that was a little above basic cooking, like Okonomiyaki. There's Ukyou's okonomiyaki, nice and neat, covered evenly with sauce. And then there's Akane's... Akane's... No. Ukyou couldn't bear to call that monstrosity okonomiyaki. That would be blasphemy. It was egg, flour, dead animals &amp; vegetation, and some really nasty looking spots all mixed into a mound. Nope, that's not okonomiyaki. Absolutely not. Ukyou went to something simpler, like sunny-side up egg. Akane made them. Quite burned indeed, and the yoke was ruined. Ukyou opted for something simpler, like scrambled egg. Didn't work. It looked just like the alleged sunny-side up egg. She tried out sushi. How hard could raw fish be? Akane's sushi was somehow transformed into pulpy roadkill. Her Ceasar salad was almost right, except that the salad looked like it had been through an industrial strength shredder.

There was one bright spot. Akane cooked a pretty decent curry. It was rather bland, somewhat not quite right, but much more edible than Akane's usual cooking. The most important thing was that it didn't look toxic, it didn't taste toxic, and it wasn't hazardous.

At least, not to humans.

"Yes. A break. That would be good." Ukyou tried not to sound too tired. It seemed to Ukyou that Akane's sense in the kitchen was every bit as bad as Ryouga's sense on the road. If you point'em one way, they'll veer off in an entirely different direction, totally oblivious to the possibility of doing anything wrong until it's too late. Two hours of intensive training wasn't having much effect. She was baffled as to why Akane could handle curry but not salad.  
Suddenly a chair sprouted arms and legs and ran towards Ukyou. "Ukyou! Let's go out on a date!" Calmly, Ukyou held her titanic spatula like a golf club and swatted the chair across the room and out the door. "Damn that Tsubasa." Tsubasa flew outside and hit a brick wall. He unsteadily got up and examined his disguise. Not a scratch! He happily walked home, his day a personal success already.

Ryouga was looking at his cards. {Two deuces, two jacks, and a five. Hm... two pair, not bad, not bad.}  
Ranma was looking at his as well. {Er... how's this go again?}  
"Hey," Ranma said, "you heard about the big fight at school?" {Stall for time, this story should be amazing enough. Oh, I see, I've got two tens...}  
"What fight?" {Ranma is stalling. I've got him now.}  
"Bunch of guys in the courtyard got beat up." {Er... A jack, a queen,  
two tens, an ace... is that anything?}  
"That's not unusual. By the way, I'm raising you by ten." "You haven't heard the strange part." {Er... is two tens enough? Yeah, sure! I mean, ten is a pretty big number, right?} "And by the way,  
I'll see your ten and raise you ten more." "Okay. What's the strange part?" "They say it was Gosunkugi that beat them up." Ryouga looked puzzled. "Gosunkugi? That's the skinny guy that got sick eating Akane's lunch once, right?" "That's the one." "The one that has a bunch of paper dolls?" "Yup." "Him?" "They swear it was him."

Somewhere in the city Gosunkugi was running for his life. A large mob of angry thugs was chasing him through alleyways and streets. "This time we'll beat the hell outta ya! Come back here ya geek!" Gosunkugi raced on. He wasn't going to face this bunch. Hell no. Time to run like a maniac, all the while muttering "why me why me why me why me why?" "Hey," one thug asked, "wasn't he a little less cowardly this afternoon?"

Ryouga was briefly distracted by the television news broadcast. "NEWS BULLETIN: Rampaging pig injures 12, causes massive property damage. Film at 11."

He went to the television and turned it off.

"I'll go see if the boys want anything, " Akane said, walking across the restaraunt, to where Ryouga and Ranma were playing cards. "Hey guys, you want anything to snack on?" "No, thanks Akane." Ryouga quietly said, looking away. "Are _you_ cooking?" Ranma asked, suspicously.

*THUD*

"Hey, I was just joking!" Ranma said, covering the spot on his side where Akane elbowed him.

"Ranma still insulting you, Akane?" "Yeah," she replied, "sometimes he's still such a jerk..."

In the distance, an explosion rumbled. Nobody noticed.

Meanwhile, Ryouga was getting ticked off at Ranma. "Hey you jerk! You're engaged to her now! Start showing some respect!" "C'mon, Ryouga, me and Akane were just playin' around. She didn't boot me through the roof, did she?" "You're still a jerk. I'd kill you, but I don't think Akane would like that. Understand?" Ranma sighed. {Looks like some things never end. Me and Pig-boy'll probably be picking on each other for years} Then Ranma noticed something that Ryouga was wearing around his neck. "Hey, what's that?" He pointed at it. "Compass. Ukyou gave it to me." "Is that so? Say, have you been walking with her to school lately?" Ryouga blushed. "Well, yeah, but..." "Hey! Great! You two will make a great couple! My rival and my best friend dating each other! Take good care of 'er, pal!" "Huh?" Ryouga was puzzled. "Come on now, you've been living with her for several months now, you sly PIG. She gave you a cute little compass, you help her around the store, you even walk together everywhere! Gosh Ryouga, I didn't know you were such a romantic!"

*WHAP* "mmrrrfff?"

"Listen up Saotome, okay? We walk together 'cause..." Ryouga winced,  
He hated admitting his weaknesses to RANMA, "of my lousy sense of direction. The compass was just a gift to help out with that little problem. She walks with me at school _just_ because of my... directional problem. I'm staying here because I'd feel EXTREMELY uncomfortable staying..." he glanced at Akane, "where I used to stay. Got it?" Ranma finally spit out the umbrella that was rammed into his mouth. "Hey, hey, just kidding! No need to overreact, okay?" "Whatever." Ryouga narrowed his eyes. It'd been a while since they'd gotten into a fight. He could easily see one starting now. "Fine. Gimmie one of those bandannas, will ya? P-Chan lost his." "That isn't funny, Saotome." "I went to a pet store," Ranma said in a low voice, "and bought a small black pig. Get it? All I need is a bandanna."

The sound of an explosion, like a wall falling down, sounded off in the distance. It wasn't made by anyone in the store.

*WHAP* "Mrgmph!" Ranma yanked the bandanna out of his mouth. "Whatcha do that for?!" "I guess I just missed beating you up. Been a while, eh?" "Why you..." Ranma muttered.

Akane and Ukyou were busy talking, taking a break from the kitchen destruction derby that was Akane's Cooking Technique.  
"Hey, I'm seeing you and Ryouga together alot lately. Are you two..." "What? Me? And that idiot! Absolutely not!" Ukyou said, not aware that her blushing was easily seen. "He gets lost bringing food to the customers! Look at this room Akane! No walls between seats, the tables are simple, how on earth can a guy get lost in here!" {She's really acting strange} thought Akane, {Ukyou's usually not this angry. That's usually... usually... me}  
"Gotta admit thought, it's nice to get someone else to do the dishwork. And did you know how strong that guy is? When I gotta clean under the heavy equipment, Ryouga's useful. Despite his stupidity, he's a nice guy. He has his moments." "Don't tell me you didn't even think about it?" "About what? Me and him?" "Admit it, he is kinda cute." {Then why the heck don't you marry HIM?} Ukyou thought. And then she thought about Ryouga. "Well," Ukyou said, "those fangs are kinda charming. And he does look cute when he's totally confused. But he's no Ranma..." Ukyou became distracted when she noticed Ryouga pounding a bandanna into Ranma's mouth. "Damn. Akane? Excuse me a moment." Ukyou stomped off in Ryouga's direction. "Hey, Ukyou? What's going on?" Akane was worried. She hoped that the conversation didn't make Ukyou feel uncomfortable. Akane followed close behind as Ukyou walked towards the boys.

*CLANG* "STOP PICKING ON RANCHAN!" Ukyou yelled. "OW! Stop doing that!" Ryouga stood up and turned around. "Dammit,  
you violent maniac, put that thing away!" {Wow} Ranma thought {_this_ scene is really familiar} He sat back. {This could be interesting}  
{Haven't I seen this done before?} Akane thought.

taptaptaptapthudthudthudthudstompstompstomp**BOOM**

Suddenly, the front door of Ucchan's was reduced to splinters. Everyone looked at the remains of the door. and who was standing in it: Shampoo. "Akane..." Shampoo said, shaking in anger, "I KILL!" Ranma got up from his seat only to be hit by a thrown bonbori in the face. Ukyou removed her spatula from Ryouga's head and charged at Shampoo. She swung at Shampoo's midsection, hitting nothing. Shampoo swung her sword at Ukyou's spatula, slicing the handle in half. Ukyou was stunned. {Oh shoot, she's really mad.} Shampoo raised her sword again.  
"Not nice girl get out of way." Ukyou couldn't let anyone die, even the person that stole Ranma from her. "Shampoo, don't do this." She reached for her mini-spatula. "Get out of way. I kill Akane NOW!" Shampoo reared back with her sword. "NOOOO!" Ryouga roared. He yanked the bonbori from Ranma's face and threw it at Shampoo's face. The weapon hit hard, knocking Shampoo out cold. "Hey, Akane, Ukyou, you okay?" Ukyou was shaken. She'd never seen Shampoo that mad before. "Yeah,  
I'm fine. You didn't have to help, y'know." "Oh, excuse me! I just rescued you, y'know." "Rescued?" "Akane, are you alright?" Ryouga anxiously went up to her. Cologne and Mousse walked in. "I see we were too late to prevent property damage. I offer my sincere apologies. Shampoo will pay for the door." Mousse saw Shampoo lying unconscious on the floor. "SHAMPOO! Speak to me! Wake up!" Cologne observed the beaten Shampoo. "What happened to my great-granddaughter?" "She was about to kill Ukyou. I threw a bonbori at her and knocked her out." Ryouga said. "Sorry about that, Mousse. We couldn't stop her any other way." "I could've stopped her" Ukyou muttered to herself. Cologne narrowed her eyes. She examined Ryouga carefully. "So, you defeated my Shampoo?" Mousse looked up with an oh-no-not-again expression on his face. Akane and Ukyou began to realize what Cologne would probably say next. Ryouga was clueless. Ranma was unconscious.

"Son-in-law." Cologne said.

At those words, Ranma snapped his eyes open. "YAAAGH! OLD GHOUL!" *WHAP*  
Cologne removed her stick from Ranma's head. "Not you. Not at the moment, anyways. I am talking to him." She pointed to Ryouga. "ME?" Ryouga was angered. "Just you wait a minute, dammit!" Ryouga looked anxiously at Mousse and Ranma, as if looking for help. Ranma was just watching Ryouga panic as if it was a tv show. {This} he thought, {is definitely entertaining}. Mousse was beginning to look murderous. "Ranma you BASTARD! This is all your fault!" Ryouga was furious. "What's the matter with you? She was gonna kill Akane! Where the heck were you?!" Ranma was taken entirely by surprise by the sudden topic switch.  
"She took me by surprise, okay? Back off Ryouga!" Ranma didn't like this one bit. Ryouga was making him look bad in front of his fiancee, HIS fiancee. And Ranma's face was still hurting. "See what I mean? What's with letting your fighting skills slip like that? If _I_ wasn't here, who knows what might have happened!" *WHAM* "Hey stupid, what about me?" Ukyou was red with anger. "It's not like I can't fight without my spatula, y'know!" Cologne went to Shampoo and woke her up. "Shampoo. Wake up. Say hello to your latest future husband." Shampoo sat up quickly and hugged the nearest thing: Mousse. "Oh Ranma! Shampoo so happy!" She stopped and looked at who she was hugging.

*WHAM* "STUPID MOUSSE!"

"Shampoo, you shall marry Ryouga and take over the Amazon tribe." Cologne looked Ryouga over. {Not bad... very strong, a good fighter indeed. Yes, he shall have to do. Rather him than Mousse.}  
Mousse was furious. "Wait! That's not fair! He doesn't love Shampoo! I do! I should be th-" "You fool, you have yet to defeat her in combat! You know the rules." "Shampoo no want stupid Ryouga! Shampoo want Ranma!" "How about it sonny-boy? Come on, don't tell me you don't find Shampoo attractive?" Cologne asked Ranma. "It's not entirely too late, y'know."  
"That's alright. Ryouga can have her." "RANMA YOU BASTARD!" Ryouga stomped on Ranma's foot.  
"We had best leave before overstaying our welcome, yes?" Cologne was thinking of the court order. She was grateful that nobody called the police yet. Shampoo gave Ryouga an angry glare. Mousse recognized that stare. It was a stare he was subjected to hundreds of times before, and Ranma once before. At that moment, Shampoo _really_ didn't like Ryouga. It was clear to Mousse that Ryouga was not a direct rival for Shampoo's heart, it was just stupid Amazon law getting in the way. He sighed. {I guess there's no other options left. I'm gonna either have to beat up Shampoo or kill that old ghoul.}  
Ranma was thinking of the implications. {Hm... Ukyou _might_ have a thing for Ryouga, and now he's engaged to Shampoo. Well, that's two problems off my back!}  
Shampoo had other ideas. {Shampoo engaged to Ranma first! No marry Ryouga!} Then she remembered her original plan. {Shampoo almost forget! Kill Akane!} "Aiy-Yaah!" She leapt for Akane's throat...

[Later]

Kodachi was in a foul mood. For some strange reason, nobody was home to pick up the phone. Nobody could bail her out. And Ranma seemed to be out of the house all the time too. Curse this day! The local authorities just didn't understand, she was on a task too important to be interrupted! So what if the plan involved the death of Akane Tendou? She was in the way. Kodachi was determined to capture her Ranma's heart, even if it meant chemicals and handcuffs. Restraining orders be damned! The cell she occupied was empty, which was a relief for her. She would refuse to be locked up with common criminals and peasants. Then her cell door opened. "YOU!" Kodachi yelled. {It's the ramen wench!}  
"Aiy-yah! You!" Shampoo yelled. {She crazy psycho girl!}  
Kodachi bellowed for the guards "I will not stay in the same cell as this lowly waitress peasant! Remove her at once!" "What you talking about, stupid girl! You get out of Shampoo's cell!" They looked at each other, battle auras flaring brightly. Two hours later the riot squad managed to stop the fight.

[The next day]

Ranma was _mad_. {That jerk Ryouga, makin' me look bad like that. It ain't my fault Shampoo surprised me. Damn Pig.} He sat by the pond,  
fuming. Leaning on his back was Akane. "C'mon, don't feel bad about it. Ryouga's just really protective about his friends, that's all. I'm sure he didn't mean to be so hard on you." {Revenge, you dirty little pig. Ah... I got it!}  
Ranma jumped into the pool, getting instant Ranma-chan. With an evil grin she bounded away. "Be back in a while, Akane!"

Tatewaki Kunou sat in the front of his abode, enjoying the weather and comtemplating a most important decision. He closed his eyes deep in thought. Then he opened them suddenly. "I shall have them both!" he yelled. He quickly picked up a cellular phone and dialed. "Hello? Yes,  
I would like to have an order of beefbowl and vegetable stir fry delivered. Yes, this is the Kunou residence again. Thirty minutes you say! The Gods themselves would protest in waiting at such length!" "Hey! Kunou! Anybody home!" Tatewaki Kunou knew _that_ voice. "Hello? Very well, I shall await 30 minutes. Good day." He hung up the phone and looked around. "Pig-Tailed Goddess! My love!" Kunou rushed to her, arms outstretched. *WHACK*  
"Oh good, you're here." She removed her elbow from his face and ran out into the street.  
"Ah, she had spoken of me with approval! I shall win her heart yet! WAIT FOR ME MY LOVE!" Kunou happily raced after his heart's desire. "Neither the ravages of time nor the boundless stretches of space shall come between us! 'Tis no mountain high enough, nor any valley low enough! Pig-tailed girl, I love youuuuuuu!"

Ryouga was sweeping the front of Ucchan's. He took a deep breath. The mornings were getting cooler, the air more enjoyable. He closed his eyes and relaxed. Then something glomped him.  
He opened his eyes to see Ranma-chan giving him a big bear-hug. "Hey,  
what the hell are you doing!" Ryouga yelled. Ranma-chan looked up to him, evil smile included. "Ryouga, my MASTER,  
my DARLING!" she yelled, loudly. "PLEASE don't hurt me!"  
"Yaaah! You pervert! Get offa me!" Ryouga was now not only angry,  
but sickened. He elbow-smashed her off.  
Undaunted, she pulled herself to him again, closed her eyes and pulled herself towards him.  
{OH MY GOSH HE'S GOING TO KISS ME!} Ryouga froze in horror. A deep protective reflex was set off and he shoved her away, scrambling backwards at the same time.  
"Heheheh, gotcha." Ranma-chan muttered. "W-what? Ranma, what are you up to?" Ryouga said, grabbing her by the collar.  
"YOU! Cease thy vile activities now! So commands Blue Thunder!" Kunou roared. Ryouga let go of Ranma, looking angrily at Kunou. "What do YOU want?" "I had seen what barbarian actions you had committed against this helpless beauty! How dare you even touch her!" Kunou raised his bokken. "Worthless dog! I had always known you were a low sort, Hibiki, and now I know why you frequently were in the company of that vile sorcerer Saotome! You had learned the black arts from that unholy enchanter and used what thou had learned to enslave the pig-tailed girl!" "Hey, wait just one moment!" "SILENCE, FIEND! I had seen with MINE OWN EYES this innocent lass proclaim her affections to you! See?" He pointed his bokken at Ranma, a dramatic look on his face. "She smiles at you even now, after you dare strike at her! Stand aside, lovely goddess, I shall smite this wretched infidel!" Kunou charged. "Ranmaaaa... I'll get you for this..." Ryouga muttered. Ranma looked at him with big girly-eyes and said, "Hey, hold this" and threw something at Ryouga, who caught it one-handed. "What the... a watermelon?" Silently, Ranma shoved Ryouga towards the charging Kunou...

"HIBIKI, DIE!" *whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*  
*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*  
*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*

"There, ya jerk," Ranma said, "now we're even."

The various warring tribes of Furinkan had finally reached an agreement. The quest to dispose of Ranma, everyone agreed, was a worthy one. The problem was overcrowding on the battlefield.

The solution?

There was a knock on the Tendou household. Ranma opened the door, but nobody was there. Just before he closed it, he noticed a piece of paper taped to the door. "What's this?" he said to himself.

FURINKAN HIGH SCHOOL CLUB ASSOCIATION: PROJECT "FREE AKANE" ROTATION SCHEDULE ====================================== Attacks to be held every Tuesday and Thursday Tenative schedule for October 1st week: Kendo Club / Chem Club 2nd week: Football Team / Tennis Team 3rd week: Homemaking Club / Sumo Team

"They have _got_ to be kidding." Ranma muttered.

Kodachi smiled.

She'd finally been released from that horrid jail today, and while she was stuck there, she was busy thinking about a possible formula blend originating from a rather unusual source. She'd gotten an extract from Sasuke, who had obtained a sample of the item when doing routine surveilance on the Tendos. Apparently, he'd overheard that the old letch of the Tendo home had somehow obtained some 'fall in love' pills, and sought to obtain them. However, the many twists and turns those pills took were too difficult for him to follow, as he lost track of them while being distracted by great hardships (or so he told the Kuno siblings...) bvt managed to keep track of the last of the pills. Akane had accidentally swallowed it, while the family was vacationing at the beach, but managed to spit it out into the ocean. From there, it was consumed by a octopus, which began chasing after Happosai. After that, it was a wild, hour-long chase with a harpoon gun for Sasuke of epic proportions that would have made Jacques Cousteau proud. When the octopus was finally caught, there was still enough of the pill left to take in for analysis.

The effort he'd put into it had earned him a one day vacation, which,  
by Kodachi standards, was rather generous.

Kodachi's first analysis of the drug impressed her. Very interesting blend of chemicals, and she felt replication should be possible. Maybe she could even improve on the original formula. In her lab, she had worked hard to break down the substance and copy its properties. The result of her labor was now in a small vial which she held up to the light. She put the vial down and went to a room full of wigs, makeup, and clothing. "What to wear, what to wear..." She knew that the risk of being spotted by one of the Tendou family was high, and appearing before the Tendous again might land her back in jail, so she decided on going in disguise. "Ah, I know just the thing!" She pulled together various items. {The plan was perfect} she thought, {and ironic too. Wearing the guise of one of my most hated rivals!}  
Kodachi, in her disguise, held up a vial of clear liquid, and sounded off the patented Kodachi-laugh.

"Ohhohohohohoho! Ranma darling, you're MINE."

Ryouga was angry. Furious. Really ticked off. "How dare he!" Ryouga yelled, "How dare he do this to me! Saotome, I will get revenge!" Ryouga took a walk to calm himself down, but realized too late that this was a bad idea.  
He was already lost.  
It was a school day tommorrow. It would probably take several days for him to make it back to Ucchan's. Then he heard someone happily humming down the street.  
Ryouga turned around to see who was approaching. A girl. Red hair. Pig-tail. Red Chinese outfit. RANMA. Looking at some little glass container, too... He hid behind a corner and waited for her to come by. As she walked past, he lunged out and grabbed her one-handed by the neck. "Ha! Got you,  
you jerk!"  
"Ack." "Oh, what's this? Looks like a potion or something. You were gonna play another little joke on me, eh?" "Ack." she said. There's not much you can say when you're being choked. "Well. Ha ha." He took the container, opened it, and forced the contents into her mouth. "C'mon, swallow!" He kept one hand over her mouth and hit her in the stomach. *gulp*  
He tossed her on the floor. "I've given up on my vendetta against you. I just want to get on with my life, alright? See you later." Ryouga walked away. "Now to find a pay phone..."  
The girl was extremely, incredibly, hazardously, unbelieveably _mad_. She glared at Ryouga as she fixed her clothing. {HOW DARE HE! HOW DARE HE! HIBIKI SHALL DIE SLOWLY FOR THAT! SLOWLY AND PAINFULLY! DIE DIE DI-}

The potion finally hit.

"Daaaarling," She purred, as she looked at the figure in the distance, tilted her head to one side, and grinned madly. She giggled uncontrollably and raced towards him. Ryouga felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around. Kodachi, still in her disguise, glomped onto him and gave him a _very_ deep and _very_  
long kiss. Her hands traveled across Ryouga's back and sides. While she was doing all of this, Kodachi decided to get two handfulls of Ryouga rear end. Ryouga's brain was shorted out. He was blindsided, so he had no idea who was doing this. He focused his eyes on the person. It was a girl. {Good.}  
This was his first intense physical contact with the opposite sex, and at the moment it was... good. Great. Niiice. Unfortunately, Ryouga's brain finallly snapped back into it's standard operating system and had a good look at exactly _who_ was kissing him.  
Red hair. {I prefer brunettes, but red isn't bad.}  
Chinese outfit.  
{She wears it well.}  
Pigtail... {Wait... no... something's wrong... _oh_no_}  
_Deep_ within Ryouga's soul, he screamed in horror. He turned _very_ pale. She finally disengaged from the kiss, nibbled his ear a bit, and looked at Ryouga with red-hot passion in her eyes. Ryouga stumbled back, holding his throat, spitting everywhere, and wiped his mouth alot. "RANMA! HAVE YOU GONE INSANE?!" He yelled.  
Then he noticed _how_ she was looking at him. "Darling? Something wrong?" she said, in a sultry low voice.  
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! GET AWAY FROM ME!" And thus, the pursuit was on, with Ryouga smashing through walls in a panic-stricken run, with Kodachi happily chasing after...

\- end part 3 - 


	5. Ranma and Mousse's Operation True Roman

=========================================== Part IV Ranma &amp; Mousse's "Operation: True Romance!"  
===========================================

[Early Fall] October

The back door of the Nekohanten flew open suddnely, disrupting the tranquil mode of the surrounding area.  
With a violent sounding *WHAM* a boy in white chinese robes flew at sub-sonic speeds out of the doorway and into a pile of trash.  
"STUPID MOUSSE!"  
"S-sh-shampoo..."  
-SLAM-  
Mousse closed his eyes and sighed. Ranma was out out of the way.  
Things should've gotten easier, right?

It was a nice, mild fall day. The air was cool, the sun not unpleasantly warming to the skin, and a gentle breeze blew the leaves slightly. It was a nice day to be in the forest, as long as you weren't in front of a red umbrella. It zoomed through the wind, sliced a tree,  
curved in it's flight path, and landed neatly in Ryouga's hand. "Hah... I've still got the touch." Ryouga snapped the umbrella shut, held it like a sword, and took a few practice swings.  
Ukyou sat nearby up in the branches of a tree. "Hey, where'd you learn to fight with that thing anyways?" she asked, pointing to Ryouga's umbrella.  
"Oh... well, it's a kinda long story."  
Ukyou looked around. The sun was fairly high in the sky. The forest was fairly empty. "Well... seems we've got time." "I, ah, guess you're right," he shrugged. "Anyways, it all started a little after Ranma ran away from our man to man fight." "Are you STILL calling it 'running away'?" said Ukyou in disbelief.  
"Yes I am!"  
"He waited for ya THREE DAYS, y'know."  
"He could've waited ONE MORE DAY! WOULD THAT HAVE BEEN SO HARD?!"  
Ukyou scowled. "Who ever heard of waiting FOUR DAYS after the fight was supposed to take place, huh?"  
"Why are you defending him anyways?!" shot back Ryouga.  
"I am NOT defending him! I'm just saying you're being STUPID!"  
Ryouga stood there, simmering. "Oh yeah? Well at least I didn't turn myself into A MACHO CROSSDRESSING UNCUTE TOMBOY!"  
Immediately after he said it, Ryouga felt extreme alarm and panic. {Did I actually say that? Oh no!} He quickly blamed it all on being near Ranma too much.  
Unfortunately, Ukyou didn't care to think about any explanations. "WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!" she roared, with the power that only an enraged woman could generate. "Wait! No! I didn't mean it!"

*CLANG*CLANG*CLANG*CLANG*CLANG*CLANG*CLANG*CLANG*CLANG*CLANG*CLANG*

An hour later...

Ukyou sat under the shade of a tree, humming absentmindedly some tune she'd heard from somewhere, sitting by a fairly beaten up Ryouga.  
"Sorry I pounded you like that," muttered Ukyou.  
"Sorry I said... what I said," mumbled Ryouga.  
"You okay?"  
"Yeah, sure, I've been through worse. How's your spatula?"  
Ukyou held it up to the sunlight, where a notable impression was evident. "Well... the dent shaped like your face is kinda surprising... I guess I swung it really fast that time. Oughta be easy to fix, though."  
"Oh... good."

Birds flew by.  
Crickets chirped.  
The cool gentle breeze flowed by.

"Say... what were we talking about anyways?" asked Ukyou.  
"Dunno."

A few minutes later...

"Just remembered," said Ukyou.  
"Remembered what?" wondered Ryouga.  
"What I was asking."  
"You were?"  
"Yeah. I was asking about your umbrella."  
"What about it?"  
"How you learned how to use it like a weapon?"  
"Oh that... okay." He sat up, stretching a bit and held his umbrella in his hands, looking thoughtful. "I stumbled into this dojo while..." Ukyou glared at him, "... while wandering around China. It specialized in... how did they put it? Oh yeah, 'Unorthodox Weaponry' Martial Arts."  
Briefly, he glanced at Ukyou. "Hey, you wouldn't be a member, would you?"  
"What? What'd make you ask that?"  
"Well, you _do_ use spatulas, and they did have a kitchenware division." "Nope. Coincidence." "Oh. Anyways, they had a division for umbrellas and since I had to carry around an umbrella anyways, I figured I'd learn how to use it." "Umbrella. Martial. Arts. Right..." "Okay, it sounds weird, but I'm telling you, it was there. Now that I think about it, it was weird. I thought I was in China, but I stumble into this dojo with everyone speaking perfect japanese. Hmm...Anyways, I was getting really good at it." For a moment, he smiled with pride. Then it faded off into a blank expression. "But... but while I was there I forgot about my vendetta with Ranma. I guess I was distracted by learning a new fighting technique. Anyways, it was a nice time. The senseis were good teachers, and I met a few people..."  
"Like who?"  
"It's hard to remember... there was this guy I used to spar with all the time. He was quiet, kind of intense, but polite. And then there was his sister... she was nice to me." "Oh? A girlfriend?" teased Ukyou.  
"What?"  
"She was your girlfriend, riiight?" continued Ukyou.  
"N-no! Hey! It wasn't like that!"  
"Suuuure."  
"Hey!"  
"C'mon, I'm just teasing. Calm down, pig-boy. C'mon, finish your story."  
"Alright... and don't call me pig-boy." Ryouga scowled briefly, then resumed. "Eventually, I thought I was ready to continue after Ranma, and I knew that he was headed for China, so I left. It was kind of abrupt,  
but I had to hurry. I spent too much time there already, and Ranma might've left China and gone anywhere."  
"Ever wonder how things might've been if you didn't leave?" wondered Ukyou.  
"I could've leared a few great techniques from the sensei... although at the time I thought I was good enough to beat Ranma. Guess I wasn't after all."  
"Ranma Ranma Ranma, stop talking about _him_. What kinda techniques did the sensei do that you didn't?" queried Ukyou, shuffling slightly and lying back against the tree.  
Ryouga leaned back as well, eyeing the rather nice beginnings of a sunset in the sky. "Well, he could ki-blast with his umbrella. Had something to do with the carving on the handle. I think. He could guide his umbrella around alot better than I just did. Another thing he did was show me some design principals in making combat umbrellas. There were all sorts of ways to make umbrellas. There was one design contained blades,  
one that extended to become a staff, one that held poisons, all sorts of stuff." "Sounds neat. Wonder if they did anything that fancy for giant spatualas," wondered Ukyou, taking a look at her own weapon and mulling over some weaponry modifications.  
"The best designer that the school ever had was this gaijin guy, kinda fat and arrogant. Great designs, though. Last I heard about him was that he went to a life of crime in some big American city."  
"Sounds familiar..." "Anyways, as part of training, every student builds his own umbrella. This one," said Ryouga, as he lifted his umbrella, "was one of several I built during my stay. It's for sheer hitting power. Breaks cement nicely."  
"Several?" "One was cut in half during my first fight with Ranma. Anyways, all of mine are identical." "What is that thing made of anyways? It's really heavy." "I Don't know. I just went to this warehouse one day with my master. He said something about good quality and told me to use this stuff if I was going to use the design that I had laid out."  
"So... you just left one day?"  
"Yup."  
"And you never visited there again?"  
"Actually... I could never find it again."  
Ukyou rolled her eyes upward. "Figures."

They sat under the tree, in silence, as the sun sank towards the skyline, talking of miscellaneous things. Of school, and of shop, mostly.  
However, Uyou couldn't help but notice something seemed to be bothering Ryouga.  
"Something bothering you?" she asked.  
"Eh? Oh, nothing, nothing." said Ryouga. He hoped to get away from his troubles with this little trip to the woods, but they wouldn't get out of his head. Actually, the memory of what he thought was Ranma-chan giving him a deep french kiss was still haunting him. Ryouga was permanently scarred by that memory. He tried to block it out, but as with any truly horrible event, the memory of it just kept on back, making Ryouga sick to his stomach. Dammit, his first kiss was from RANMA? Blech. "I'm glad we're out here. It's nice to leave the city every now and then." said Ryouga. "Speaking of leaving things... Ryouga, you feeling any better about..." "Hm?" "Y'know, about Akane." "Oh, that. Well... I dunno. I still feel, well, uncomfortable. How about you?"  
"You took the words right outta my mouth." The two looked out into the woods silently for a moment. "Well, the best we can do now is wish Akane-" "And Ranchan," Ukyou added. Ryouga gritted his teeth, "Yeah, and him, a happy marriage. But still... I can't help but think that there's still time for me to do something about this. I can't let it end like this. I just can't..." He closed his eyes.  
"Hey, it's getting dark. Let's get back." She gave him a light elbow.  
"You ready to practice on your directions?" "Yeah, sure, no problem." "Don't forget to use the compass." "Yeah, yeah. Quit nagging." "Who's nagging?" "You are!" "Shut up!"

Much Later...

Ukyou and Ryouga sat at a table within Ucchan's, playing a round of poker.  
"You did good today, Ryouga. Ten hours. Big improvement. Used to take you two days to get back to the house.." "Thanks. By the way, you done?" "Yep. Show'em." Ryouga displayed his cards with confidence. "Three aces. Beat that." Ukyou flashed her cards with more confidence. "Full house. Hah!"

Suddenly, the creak of the front door was heard. They both turned their heads to see standing in the open doorway... Shampoo. Strangely, Shampoo had a look of ... it was hard to describe. It was something like mild boredom mixed with the look of being stuck with a job that she really didn't want. She turned away, looking at someone neither Ukyou nor Ryouga could see. Shampoo then nodded her head, sighing, and closed the door quietly.

_boom_

The door exploded into splinters, but in a strange way. Compared to the other times Shampoo smashed down doors and walls, this effort was weak, with a noticeable lack of enthusiasm. The door exploded _lazily_. Shampoo once again appeared, and turned to an unseen person once more.  
"I have to?" she asked the unseen person. Then she sighed, lazily pointed a bonbori at Ryouga, and with a deadpan face and a not very enthusiastic voice, said, "Nii hao. Ryouga." Shampoo turned away,  
looking again at the unseen person, then continued, "You. Come. Marry. Shampoo. Now." It sounded very much like she was reading from a script,  
and not doing a good job of it as well. She looked back one last time,  
turned to Ryouga again, rolled up her eyes and said "Wuoda. Airen." From outside, the other person was finally heard. "Bah! Great Granddaughter, you're embarrassing me! This is a disgrace. I'm going back to the cafe." Cologne threw down her cue cards in disgust and stomped back (yes, _stomped_, even though she was using her stick to walk around) to the Nekohanten. Ryouga spoke to Shampoo first. "You... really don't want this, right?" "No." Ukyou asked, "you can't break this engagement?" "No." Shampoo closed her eyes. She sniffled a bit. Ryouga knew what was going to happen next. He'd seen something very similar plenty of times at the Tendou's. Suddenly, Shampoo burst out into a full Soun Tendou Wail (tm). Through the gushers of tears she was able to sob "Shampoo want Ranma!" and began to sink to her knees. Ryouga took off a bandanna and offered it to her. She blew her nose in it and offered it back. Ryouga politely declined.  
After all, there was more where that came from.  
Mousse came in. "Shampoo? Is Shampoo in here? Oh, what's Mr. Tendou doing here, and crying again too?" "Mousse," Ukyou said, slapping his glasses down to his eyes,"that's Shampoo." Mousse ran up to her, arms outstretched in a gesture of love. "Shampoo! *WHAM* UGGH!"  
Shampoo, still crying, returned her fist to her side. Mousse extracted himself from the wall. Ukyou sighed. "Another exciting Friday night, eh Ryouga?" "Isn't it?" Ryouga nodded solemnly. "Hey, Mousse, wanna join in the poker game? Wait around until Shampoo calms down anyways." queried Ukyou.  
"Oh, sure. Thank you." Ukyou looked over at the wailing Shampoo. "Anybody ever sat down yet and had a long talk with her yet? She should've gotten over it by now." Mousse looked at Ukyou curiously. "Have you? Gotten over it, I mean..."  
"Well... sorta, yeah. Definitely more than she has." In the back of Ukyou's mind a familiar chorus began {NOT married YET! NOT married YET!}  
"Maybe someone ought to, before this whole thing gets out of hand,"  
Ryouga suggested. "She was really psychotic before." "Has Ranchan ever talked to her about it?" "Is that such a good idea?" Mousse asked. "Well, he talked things over with me. I felt better about it." She said. {No I don't} she thought to herself. "Maybe it'll work for her?" The boys looked deep in thought. Ryouga was wondering how quickly she'd maim Ranma. Mousse was wondering if he should begin dipping into the passion spice supplies and cook up something for Shampoo. Then Ryouga remembered another problem of his. "Hey, Mousse. Look, I don't mean to offend you, but will you hurry up and beat up Shampoo?" "WHAT?" "Or have you forgotten? The old ghoul has shoved ME into being her next son-in-law! I don't wanna marry Shampoo!" "You want me to hurt Shampoo?!" "Look duck-boy, I don't see any other alternative at the moment. C'mon, be a man and beat her up! Hey, she's still sobbing now! Get over there and hit her with something heavy while she's distracted!" "I... it... just... to strike now... that would be dishonorable. Besides, I just couldn't hurt her!" "What? You think Ranma beat Shampoo HONORABLY? Some big arranged fight? Let me tell you, he beat her totally by accident, and when she was fighting with someone else! You tell me how HONORABLE that is, eh? Go and be a man! Hit her while she's not looking! Just get her off of my hands, okay?" "Guys," Ukyou interrupted, "we're gonna have a poker night over at Ranchan's in a couple of days. You guys wanna come? I mean, Mousse, you might be able to get together with Ranma and come up with a plan to get Shampoo. He's told me he wants to help you out." "Oh really? Why?" Mousse was suspicious. "You remember when she attacked Akane?" "Oh." "How about you, Ryouga? C'mon." She knew he might have a hard time going back there, but she hoped this final test would push him to get over Akane. Had she thought more on this, she'd have discovered something surprising about her motives. "Um... if it's all the same to you, I'd rather not..." "C'mon, don't be such a baby." "Who're you calling a baby?" "Who do you think, pig-boy?"

"Ucchan," Ranma muttered, "I don't believe you did this." Before him, Ranma had a considerable number of his "old friends". Mousse was there, sitting next to and looking at Shampoo, who was sniffling into the bandanna that Ryouga had given her several days ago. Ukyou was there shuffling the cards. Akane was sitting next to Ranma,  
looking uneasily at Shampoo. Ryouga looked shellshocked. Every now and then he'd glance at Akane and Ranma. Whenever he glanced at Akane he looked more depressed. Every time he looked at Ranma, Ryouga looked more horrified. Ranma had earlier asked Ryouga what was bothering him, but Ryouga just screamed and hid behind Ukyou. Then Akane punched Ranma and told him to stop picking on Ryouga. The potential for disaster was fairly high already. All they needed was Kunou and his sister. "Ranchan, c'mon, you agreed to this. Besides, you need to do something about Shampoo. In fact... maybe now would be a good time?" Ranma sighed. He wasn't going to look forward to this. What was probably going to happen was Shampoo would glomp unto him and Akane would boot him through the roof. After all, that's what always happened in the past. Resigned to his fate, Ranma walked to Shampoo. "Shampoo, we need to talk." All eyes turned nervously towards the pair. They knew what Shampoo was capable of, and were ready to tackle her to the ground if she went on a homocidal rage. "You want talk to Shampoo?" She looked sad. Ranma looked around. "Tell you what, follow me." They both headed outside. This puzzled everyone. "Hey," Mousse said, holding Ranma by the shoulder, "what are you doing?" "Look, she's upset already. I'm trying to reject her as gently as possible. We're gonna be on the roof. If you hear any crashing noise,  
get up there and help me."

And so Ranma and Shampoo stepped out of the room and to the roof. "Shampoo, you gotta understand..." Ranma muttered. The two sat out on the roof in the moonlight, Ranma continuing to talk, and Shampoo turning away, looking more empty by the minute.

Meanwhile, back in the room, the card game resumed. "I fold," Akane said. "I'm in," Mousse followed. "I'll raise ya ten" Ryouga confidently said. "Mousse, y'think they're gonna be okay up there?" Ukyou asked. "I'm sure. But keep your weapons ready." "By the way," Ukyou said, "Ryouga, what's bothering you so much?" Ryouga looked noticably ill when Ranma was in the room, and it didn't go unnoticed. "I don't want to talk about it." Ryouga firmly said. Suddenly there was the loud sound of feet running and Ranma yelling. Everyone stood up. Mousse whipped out baseball bats, Ryouga held his umbrella at the ready, Ukyou gripped her mega-spatula, and Akane hefted her mallet. "Yaah! Get her away from me!" Ranma yelled and ran into the room.

What followed wasn't what they expected.

"O-hohohoho! Ranma darling! Wait!" Everyone stared blankly at Kodachi. "Her?" Ukyou asked. "Oh, I guess she finally got out of jail," Akane added. "She was in jail?" Ryouga asked. Suddenly, Kodachi stopped in her tracks. "Ryouga darling?" Everyone looked at Ryouga. "Ryouga DARLING?" Ukyou asked angrily. "What?" Ryouga asked. He was as confused as the rest of them. "Ryouga darling! *glomp* I've found you at last!" Ranma looked at Ryouga. "Hey, Ryouga, when did this happen?" "I don't know! What's going on? Help!" "Oh, Ranma darling! I've got a gift for both of you!" With lightning speed, she whipped out two bouquets of black roses. She threw one at Ranma, which exploded in front of his face, and shoved the other in Ryouga's face. "Ack." Ranma said, holding his nose. "I can't move" Ryouga mumbled. "Yeah, paralysis powder. Good thing I held my breath." "Ah, at least I've caught my Ryouga darling! Come, give me your lips!" Suddenly, Kodachi was pried off by a titanic spatula. "Get off him, girl." "Oh-ho-ho, so you're after his heart as well, are you?"  
"What? NO! Of course not! It's just not nice to go around poisoning and kissing people! Get out of here!" She pointed at Kodachi with her spatula.  
"Kodachi," Ranma asked, "you're after Ryouga now?" Suddenly, Kodachi turned to Ranma. "Ah, my darling Ranma! I don't know what to do! Shall I pursue the hansome Ranma or shall I choose the herculean Ryouga?" Kodachi closed her eyes deep in thought. Then opened them. "I cannot bear to depart with either! I must have you both!" She ran to Ranma, bouquet in hand. Suddenly, a mallet crashed into her head and she was booted unceremoniously out by Akane. "I don't believe her! She's EXACTLY like her brother Kunou!" "Alas! Did someone utter my name? I, Tatewaki Kuno AM HERE!" boomed the bokken manster. Everyone was startled by his sudden appearance. "Uh oh." Ryouga was worried. He was still paralyzed. "Greetings. I have come in search of the pig-tailed girl and... YOU!" Kunou yelled, pointing his bokken at Ryouga, "You enslaver and abuser of women!" and then noticed Ranma. "AND YOU! EVIL SORCERER! I shall smite thee BOTH!" "Help!" Ryouga squeaked, "I'm still paralyzed!" Reflexively, Ranma punched the charging Kunou. Ukyou caught him with her assault spatula and flipped him out the door, where he would have exited this little scene except that he collided with the returning Kodachi. Both crashed onto the floor but recovered quickly. *CRASH* Yet another Tendou household wall came crashing down, revealing an angry Shampoo, with bonbori in hand. "Where stupid crazy girl?! Shampoo KILL!" "Guys," Ranma said, "this is getting ugly. RUN!" "Why?" Akane asked. "You want the house wrecked even more? We're running out of insurance companies, an' Pop and Mr. Tendou aren't gonna be happy." "Oh. RUN!" Ranma, Akane and Mousse stampeded out through the Shampoo-made hole in the wall. Ukyou was about to join them when she heard Ryouga squeaking pitifully "I can't move! Help!" Ukyou sighed, hefted Ryouga onto her back and put his arms around her neck. "C'mon, let's get outta here." "Ranma," Mousse asked, "what happened to Shampoo?" "Back there, I think, about to kill Kodachi." "Oh, good."  
The five of them could be seen, four shadows hopping across rooftops (Ukyou was still carrying Ryouga with difficulty) followed by two other figures. "Hibiki, stand your ground you coward!" "Ryouga darling! Ranma darling! Wait!" And finally there was one figure at the end waving bonbori and yelling,  
"Crazy psycho girl, I KILL!" Suddenly a large explosion burst and a section of roof nearby was severely damaged. Tsubasa, flying in the Mishima heavy industries aircraft POISON-1, came into view and he turned on the loudspeakers. "HIBIKI, LET GO OF UKYOU _NOW_" Everyone ran faster. Ukyou screamed "I don't believe this! TSUBASA! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" Ryouga muttered to himself "Why me?" The eight figures raced into the night, chased by a mini-jet. It was just another night in Nerima.

[the next day]

Mousse was waiting in front of Furinkan High school. He had an arranged meeting to attend. Ranma came up to him.  
"Good. You showed up," said Mousse.  
"Hey, I'm not Ryouga." Briefly, Mousse looked nervous. "Ranma, you and Akane still are okay,  
right? I mean, you still want to marry her, yes?" "Well, yeah." "Good to hear it!" Mousse said, giving a large grin and patted Ranma on the back. {I wonder why he's asking} Ranma thought, and then dismissed it as just an icebreaker in conversation. "Yeah, yeah, whatever. Anyways, I need your help, and I think it would help us both in the end." "Really?" "I've got a plan." Mousse looked at Ranma suspiciously. Maybe Ranma always was the best when it came to martial arts battles, but it's been known that his scheming skills were sometimes woefully inadequate. "You sure about this?" "Well, maybe Akane doesn't think this is a great idea, but that doesn't mean much. You know your way around those weird spices Cologne always uses, right?" Mousse looked uneasy again. "Well, yes." "Good. Now here's the plan..."

Akane was walking along the Nerima streets, which was usual. She was walking with Ryouga, which wasn't. Normally after school she'd be accompanying Ranma, but he said he was going to meet with Mousse to work on a plan that Akane suggested was destined for disaster. Also, Ukyou had asked Akane to guide Ryouga home since she had to attend to some business about her restaraunt which forced her to leave school earlier than everyone else, including Ryouga. "Akane, tell me something," Ryouga said. "Yes?" "Has Ranma been acting... strange lately?" "Strange? Like how?" "Er... I dunno. Acting a bit... um... happier, maybe? Not looking at you so much anymore? Dressing up in your clothes? Something like that?" "What? No, I don't think so. Why do you ask?" Ryouga was looking a bit shaky. "Hey, Ryouga, you okay?" "Um, er, yeah. Fine. Just feel a bit of a cold coming on." "Good thing you've got such a nice girl like Ukyou waiting at home to take care of you."  
"W-what?"  
"Aren't you two ... y'know..." "No! No, we're not!"  
She stopped walking, and turned to face him. "Why not?" Ryouga was surprised at this. {What's she thinking? Why is she asking me if I'm dating Ukyou?}  
"I mean," Akane continued, "you've been mooching off of her for several months now, she always helps you around, and there must have been _some_  
reason why you moved in with her to begin with, right?" "Er..." Ryouga realized that nobody ever told Akane how he felt, not even himself. To explain that now would be too awkward. "You've always seemed so lonely, getting lost so much and not having a home. Now you two are getting along great, and you're telling me that you two AREN'T in a relationship?" "Well, yes." "Why don't you go for it?"  
"It's just," he stumbled. {Akane... I still...} "I mean..."  
"C'mon, don't you think she's cute? I think you'll make a great couple." "I, ah, I'm just not interested, I guess. Okay?"  
Finally, they reached Ucchan's. Ukyou was sweeping outside. Akane whispered into Ryouga's ear, "Think about it, okay?" then waved goodbye to Ukyou. Ryouga waved goodbye to Akane as she walked away. And waved. And waved... *CLANG*  
"OUCH! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?" "Snap out of it!" Not picking his words with tact, Ryouga yelled back, "What's your problem? Jealous?" Ukyou narrowed her eyes and turned around, walking into the store. "I am _not_ jealous." "Suuuure," teased Ryouga, who for some odd reason just felt like teasing her.  
"THAT'S IT!" With alarmig quickness, she pulled out her mega-spatula and slammed him into the sky. As he sailed past a flock of birds, Ryouga wondered if he'd find his way back before sundown. He could camp out if he had to, but he'd rather not.

Outside the Tendou residence, someone in a suit stared at the house. "Well, this is the place... but I don't see him here. Maybe he's on a trip or something. Ah, well, I'll just check back in a couple of weeks."

Meanwhile, at the Tendou kitchen...

A pot boiled, its steam writhing with magical essence. Two figures stood over it watching with interest. "I'd have done this sooner, but the old ghoul always watches over what happens in the kitchen," Mousse solemnly said. "So this is the stuf, eh? You sure about this, Mousse?" Mousse smiled. "Well, it sure worked on ... it worked. I'm sure of that." "Well, let's get to work. Where's Shampoo?" "She should be over at the Nekohanten by now." "Alright, get to it. Good luck."

Ukyou sat in her store, fuming. Then she cooled down. The side-effects of what she had just done finally dawned on her. "Oh no, he'll be lost for days." She ran out the door in search of him. {That jackass... now I've gotta go find him.?}

Mousse spotted Shampoo sitting at the window table of the Nekohanten in a gloomy mood. "Are you okay, Shampoo?" "Leave Shampoo alone." She replied, with not much emotion in her voice. "You look terrible. Did you even eat yet today?" Mousse knew Shampoo's habits. Ever since Ranma decided, Shampoo had a considerable loss in appetite. She did eat rarely, and right now seemed to be the right time. "Look, I'll leave this out here for you," he said, leaving a bowl of ramen in front of her, "just leave the bowl and I'll clean up." Shampoo sighed. Mousse hovered nearby. He knew that he had to be nearby when the spices took affect. He also knew that he couldn't act suspicious or else she'd know there was something going on. Normally she would already be suspicious, but in her depressed state she let her defenses down. Mousse really didn't believe in this plan. He'd thought of it on his own plenty of times before but dismissed it as a dishonorable way to win over her heart. However, as time had gone by, he felt that his own window of opportunity was running out fast. Mousse was becoming desperate enough to resort to this trick.

Shampoo picked up a fork...

Ryouga wandered the streets of Nerima, aimlessly. He didn't know where to go. His camping equipment was still back at the restaraunt. Camping out without it would be rough. Staying at the Tendou residence, as a boy or as a pig, would be just as rough. Ryouga decided to turn back and see if Ukyou had calmed down any.  
Maybe, he hoped, just maybe she'd be sane. Then he realize he was already lost. Again.

Mousse eagerly watched as she ate the ramen. And ate. And ate... Now was the time! He stood up and was about to step into her line of view when suddenly she stood up and yelled "Wo ai ni!" and ran forward happily. "My darling!" Mousse yelled, his arms outstretched.

Shampoo ran right past him and out the door.

Mousse looked alarmed. He looked around. He saw Ryouga walking outside in the street, in perfect view from the window seat. "NOOOOOO!" He banged his head on the table in frustration. "THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!"

"Nii hao! Ryouga! Wo ai ni!" Shampoo cheerfully yelled as she glomped onto Ryouga. "Yaaaah! Get off! Get offa me!" To say that Ryouga was alarmed would be an understatement. This time around Shampoo was VERY enthusiastic and VERY agressive. She was also holding him _really_ tightly. "You come marry Shampoo now, yes?" "NO NO NO! GET AWAY FROM ME!"  
Nearby, Mousse was sneaking away. He didn't like the idea of artificially gaining Shampoo's love, so he didn't put too much spice in. This had turned out to be an incredibly good idea, because if he had gone ballistic with the spices Shampoo would have been obsessed with Ryouga for years. For now, at least, Shampoo would be chasing around Ryouga only for an hour or so. Until then, Mousse didn't want to be around. After all, things could get ugly, especially when the drug wore off and Shampoo found herself in a compromising (or at least incredibly embarrasing) position. She'd be mad, and if there was one thing he leared from all the years of abuse it was that he shouldn't try to make her made -at him- when she was -already- dangerously hot tempered.

{Damn damn damn damn where IS that idiot? He's gonna be lost for a stupidly long time! Good thing this is the weekend. Where IS he?}  
Ukyou walked quickly through the local streets, hoping that Ryouga hadn't wandered off too far. Then she saw him. Wrapped by Shampoo. Tightly. And not getting out of it. "Why that..." {Here I was worried about him and he's going around acting like some playboy! Who does he think he is?!}

Mousse arrived back at the Tendou dojo. This wasn't unnoticed by Ranma since Mousse was _supposed_ to be romancing Shampoo at the time. "Yo, Mousse, what are you doing here?" "I'd rather not talk about it." "Talk about what?" "Exactly. Just let me hide here until things settle down." "C'mon, tell me." "Look, don't get mad, okay?" "Fine, just tell me." "Well, it went like this..." In a low voice Mousse explained the disaster of the day. When he was done, he looked at Ranma, expecting to see an angry glare or something similar. Ranma was red in the face, holding his hand over his mouth. Then he burst out laughing. "This is GREAT! I don't believe this! Shampoo is chasing after RYOUGA? Oh man, I gotta get some air." They both went to the front gate, Mousse in a serious manner, Ranma laughing all the way.

Then Ryouga ran by. "Go away! I don't want you! Get lost!" He frantically yelled. He was followed closely by Shampoo, who was almost within arm's reach. "Ryouga! You marry Shampoo yes!" As quickly as they arrived, they zoomed by. Then Ukyou showed up,  
strolling in the direction where Ryouga and Shampoo had gone. She idly twirled her battle-spatula, looking somewhat tired. "Hey guys."  
"Hiya Ucchan."  
"Hello, Ukyou."  
"He went that way, right?" she asked in a somewhat weary voice.  
They both nodded.  
Ukyou sighed. "Okay. See you guys later." She strolled down the street, practicing a few swings with her mighty cookware instrument, a promise of much violence to come. Mousse and Ranma stood there for a moment, silently. Then they both quietly went back inside the house. Sometimes it's best to be out of the way when the action starts.

\- end part 4 - 


	6. Come Out And Play

================= Part V Come Out And Play =================

"Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate."

\- Thomas Jones

It was definite fall weather, Ryouga's favorite kind since the traveling is easier when the weather was mild as it usually was in the fall. He was enjoying the air, sweeping the front of Ucchan's. Suddenly,  
he sensed someone watching him. "Hey, Ryouga, you done out there? It's time to go, we're gonna be late." "Oh, yeah, I'll be done in a moment." Ryouga looked around at the surrounding neighborhood, searching for something out there, maybe hiding behind a trash can, maybe in the trees,  
or hiding in the shadows. He thought he saw nothing and walked back in. "Guess it was just Ukyou I was sensing" he muttered. He put the broom away, looking around one last time, then walked with Ukyou down the street. As they walked away, someone stepped out of the shadows, brushing leaves off of his suit. "So, you're here."

Tsubasa had really outdone himself, he thought. He proudly sat in his new creation built out of miscellaneous Mishima Heavy Industries weaponry and technology: The Postal-110. Ceramic armor on the outside, cushoned inside to sustain shock impact, high voltage tazer, high-powered rapid-fire tranquilizer gun, and built in mini-bike for getaways, and several other interesting toys, all packed into a large mailbox. Tsubasa had given up on the severe weaponry when he realized that Ukyou would probably be in close proximity and in danger if he didn't aim carefully. Tsubasa waited patiently, his new creation parked on a city street,  
ready to ambush Ryouga if he came by.

Sasuke was outside running an errand for his master. Specifically he was putting a letter addressed to the pig-tailed girl in the public mailbox. He came upon one, opened it, and dumped the letter inside. "HEY!" The mailbox yelled. Sasuke jumped back, startled severely. He stood a safe distance away as the mailbox suddenly grew tank treads and drove off towards two unsuspecting figures a block away...

Ryouga walked along with Ukyou, on the way to the usual poker night at the Tendou residence. As usual, he didn't want to go. And as usual,  
Ukyou picked on him until he agreed to go. "Why do you seem so scared of Ranchan lately, Ryouga?" "Scared? Who's scared!?" Ryouga yelled, trying to muster all the confidence that he could find. It didn't work.  
"You are, stupid. C'mon, tell me what happened! I promise not to tease you." "Promise?" Ryouga asked, looking warily at Ukyou. "Promise." "Well, y'know, I've never kissed a girl yet." Ukyou put a little distance between herself and him. "Hey, what're you..."  
"No! Hold on, I'm getting to the point! Er.. anyways.. I've never kissed a girl before, until recently, and... er... I don't think this should count as a first kiss."  
"Huh? Someone kissed you?"  
Ryouga nodded, looking quite embarrased.  
"Sooo, who's the lucky girl?" she asked.  
"Rmma," he mumbled.  
"Can't hear ya, speak up," she prodded.  
"Ramnnn," he mumbled.  
"Ran... Ran...," Ukyou blinked, trying to think of any girls she knew whose first letters started in 'Ran'...  
"Look, sugar, I can barely hear you. Now spit it out."  
"It was... Ranma, okay?"  
Ukyou stopped walking. "Ran...ma?"  
Ryouga nodded, looking very grave.  
"Noooo," she said.  
"Yes," said he.  
"Er... was he a he or..."  
"He was a she. But it still didn't make it feel any better." Ryouga shivered at the memory. feeling ill.  
"Oh... um... just a quick peck in the cheek or something, right? Hm?"  
Ryouga winced. "Tongue." "Aw! Now that's gross!"  
"And he groped me. He even grabbed my rear." said Ryouga, shaking with anger and revulsion.  
Ukyou stared at Ryouga, stunned. Then she laughed.  
"HEY! Stop laughing! This isn't funny!" Ukyou just couldn't take this seriously. Ryouga must be mistaken, right? Suddenly, Ryouga sensed danger. "Ukyou," he said, "there's trouble." A nearby public mailbox rumbled to life and turned to face Ryouga. A megaphone popped out as well. "Hibiki! Surrender! Now!" "Tsubasa?" she called out. "I do -not- believe this." Ukyou muttered,  
getting her battle-spatula ready. "Go away, ya pest!" Ryouga yelled. "Oh, is THAT the way it's gonna be?" Tsubasa yelled. "Fine!" Suddenly, various interesting items which were probably all weaponry popped out of the mailbox, all pointing at Ryouga. "I do _not_ believe this," said a very nervous Ryouga. "Run!" Ukyou yelled. And so two figures blazed quickly through the city streets pursued by a rampaging mailbox.

Mousse, Akane, and Ranma sat in the living room of the Tendou residence,  
watching televisiona and talking.  
"Hey," Ranma said, "Ukyou's a little late today." "In a hurry to lose again?" Akane teased. "Hey, I am getting better at it." "Yes, that is true," Mousse added, "he used to lose everything before. Now he only loses almost everything." He nodded solemly to emphasise the point.  
"Wiseguys," Ranma grumbled. "Still, it's unusual for her to be late on poker night."

The person in black was perched in a tree near the Tendou residence. He'd put this off for a while, but now he had nothing better to do so... Suddenly, he was knocked off the tree and fell face-first into the pavement. He heard a giggle and a cry of "What a haul!" and sprang back up, twirling something in his hands.  
"WHO DID THAT?!"  
Happousai stopped in his tracks and turned around, looking at the figure in shadows curiously. "Yeeeeees?"  
"Did you... just run over me now?" he asked in a polite manner.  
Happousai looked, amused, at this newcomer. He was dressed a bit formally, with the black suit and all. A bit young too, maybe one of Ranma's classmates that wanted revenge? That sort of thing seemed to be happening alot. "Sure did, sonny boy! What can I say, I'm in a hurry, now if you'll excuse me," he said, pausing to sniff an undergarment.  
"No... you should be more considerate to people who might kill you,"  
replied the stranger.  
"And who dares challenge me?" the old troll asked. "I am Ryo Muhoshin, who the hell are you, troll?"  
"Here, youngster. Catch." Happousai flung a bomb at him. He batted away the bomb with his umbrella. "FOOL!" Ryo yelled, "You think you can defeat me with simple firecrackers? Idiot!"  
"Heh. Looks like I'll have to use a special technique of the Anything Goes Martial Arts on you." "I can just kill you quickly. It'll be easier for all concerned."  
With the speed of lightning, Happousai ran behind Ryo, grabbed him by the seat of his pants, yelled "HAPPO-WEDGIE-SATSU!" and yanked his underwear up violently. With an *ACK* Ryo collapsed to the ground. "Nnng... aargh... kill you... old man..." "Yes, yes, so everyone says. The name's Happousai, MASTER Happousai,  
of the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts. Don't mess with master martial artists, m'boy. You could get hurt." And so Happousai bounded away and into the Tendou home to enjoy the day's catch. "Okay," the wedgified victim said, straightening out his undergarment,  
"after I beat up Hibiki, the freak is DEAD." "Freak?" Happousai asked, standing in front of Ryo. "Um..."  
"Did you say... freak?"  
"Didn't you leave already?"  
"I'll leave when I want to. But you..." said the old master, as he used his pipe to fling Ryo to a wall, rendering him unconscious, "should be more respectful to your elders."

"Ryouga! Got any bright ideas?" Ukyou yelled, running as fast as she could. "Well, one or two," Ryouga answered, "lemme see how this works out." Ryouga jumped to the air, waaaay up high with that absurd hangtime that's reserved for martial artists, and out of view of the Postal-110 assault disguise. "Darn! Where'd he go!" Tsubasa yelled. He shifted the visor of his postal-mech left, right, and finally up, where he saw a fiery Ryouga falling down fast. "Oh boy."  
Ryouga descended like a comet, hands first, with a glowing sphere of energy glowing inbetween them. With a yell of "SHISHI HOKOU-DAN!" the ball became a blast as he crashed into the Postal-1 with his ki-blast leading the charge, kicking up an incredible dustcloud which covered the impact site up entirely. "Ryouga! Are you alright! Ryouga!" Ukyou yelled, sounding very worried. "AAAARGH!" yelled Ryouga, as he was flung out of the cloud at high speeds, wrapped up by a net, and impacted solidly into a wall. The Postal-110 emerged from the dustcloud barely scratched. "SURRENDER HIBIKI! THIS IS THE LATEST IN HI-TECH ARMOR, WITH TITANIUM ALLOYS, CERAMIC-" "Ceramic?" Ryouga asked, confused, as he cut the net away using one of his bandanas as a blade, "like pottery and plates?" "SHUT UP! CERAMIC PLATING, AND.. AND.. ALL SORTS OF STUFF! YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY HOPE TO WIN!" "Ceramic... ceramic... hm..." Ryouga was briefly lost in thought, then he suddenly charged straight at Tsubasa, whipping out his umbrella and using it as a shield. "Ryouga! What are you doing!" yelled Ukyou. "Alright then, have it your way," Tsubasa muttered. He reached down and pulled several triggers. Ryouga ran on, his umbrella withstanding the impact of high-speed net projectiles, tranquilizer darts, rubber bullets, and tazer wire, rearing his arm back with a finger pointed out. Finally, as he got into striking distance of Tsubasa's "disguise", he lowered his umbrella to strike. "BAKUSAI-TEN-" "Gotcha!" Tsubasa yelled, getting a clear shot at Ryouga. "KETSU!" The Postal-1 was destroyed with a spectacular explosion, sending the mechanic transvestite flying across the skies. "When did _he_ start using mecha?" wondered Ryouga.  
"Hm, dunno. Ryouga, you ok?" Ukyou asked.  
"Yeah, let's get going before any other surprises show up." "How'd you know that move was gonna work? I thought that move only worked on rocks." "Just a hunch."

Ataru Moroboshi was walking casually along doing nothing in particular. He'd managed to get out of the house, and away from his so-called-wife.  
It was girl-hunting time.  
Suddenly a little blond girl flew right by him and crashed into a stack of garbage cans. Ataru noticed long blond hair, and his curiosity was raised. He noticed a skirt and his curiosity was even greater. Suddenly, internal warning systems switched on in Ataru's head. His hands, ready to get a quick feel, retracted to his sides. This was the same feeling he got like before... "Hey," he said, "you alright?" "Yeah." a tiny voice replied. "You're a guy, aren't you?" "Yup."  
Ataru shook his head. "Man, there's sure alot of transvestites going around Tokyo these days."

It has been known that Tatewaki Kunou has often attacked Ranma Saotome on many occasions. What was somewhat unclear was why Kunou's attacks were rather lacking in inspiration or foresight and seemed very much like randomly chosen times of attack for the most part. The closest Kunou had ever come to a strategic attack was when he tried to use Ranma's fear of cats against him, which didn't work out that great at all. However, what was not understood by Kunou's foes was WHY Tatewaki Kunou had such a random attack pattern. Actually, the timing of his attacks were not so much random as they believed. Kunou usually sets off to attack his foes whenever one of the following *conditions was met.

1) Kunou had heard some information about his foe which angers him,  
thus prompting him to seek out his enemy and serve justice. 2) Kunou had just finished watching something inspirational such as "The Seven Samurai" or such, and thusly inspired, marches on to glorious battle. 3) Kodachi really gets on his nerves, thus revving up Kunou's fighting spirit. 4) Kunou's father was visiting, giving Kunou the urgent need to do something that required Kunou to leave the home.  
5) Kunou had just spent a long amount of time viewing his picture collection of "the Pig-Tailed Goddess" or Akane Tendou. 6) Kunou had absolutely nothing better to do (i.e. he's bored.)

*Notice that actual **planning and scheming do not play a factor here.

**Actually, the planning and scheming genes were inherited by Kodachi. Tatewaki just inherited an inflated belief in the importance of self. Both were spared the dreadful 'Pineapple fetish' gene that was so prominent in their father.

On this day, Kunou had just finished watching "Lone Wolf and Cub",  
flipping through his "Pig-Tailed Girl" photo album during commercial breaks, had a long arguement with Kodachi over the destruction of certain photos (he used her Ranma pictures as target practice and she used his Pig-Tailed Girl photos in the same manner), was called by his father who announced he'd be visiting for dinner, and was informed by Sasuke that Hibiki was once again traveling towards the abode of his longtime nemesis,  
the evil sorcerer Saotome, undoubtedly to scheme heinous deeds. The final insult was when Sasuke had reported that Hibiki had destroyed the mailbox in which Sasuke had deposited a letter adressed to the Pig-Tailed Girl (he strongly suspected that she lived with the Tendou family since he saw her there often.)

This was plenty of motivation.

Somewhere deep in Kunou's mind, gears spun, engines revved, and his massive ego roared, demanding justice. It was time to turn on the extra adrenaline, turn off those acursed pain sensors, and activate the battle mode.  
It was Time To Smite. "My sister, I shall be back later today! For now, I go to smite my enemies!" Kunou strode out the door with his bokken in hand. And then he quickly strode back in. "By the way, our dear father is coming by to visit so you might wish to cook something for him. I suggest the arsenic laced fugu."

Ryouga and Ukyou walked into the Tendou dojo, looking a bit worn. "Sorry we're late, guys" Ukyou said, "but Tsubasa ambushed us today."  
Ranma blinked. "Tsubasa? Then... why do you guys look so worn out?"  
"He's started using mechs," said Ryouga.  
"Oh." Ranma blinked, then shrugged. Things ceased to amaze him after all the things he'd seen while living in Nerima.  
"Again, sorry we're late," apologized Ukyou.  
"Don't worry about it. Have a seat. I'm finally on a roll." Ranma proudly said, pointing to a modest pile of chips. Ukyou and Ryouga sat down. They both seemed to be a bit tired, as if they had ran a mile. As usual, Ryouga sat as far away from Ranma as possible. "Hey, Ranchan," Ukyou asked, "have you been feeling okay lately?" "Yeah, why?" "Nobody hit you on the head or anything like that?" "No..." "Oh well, never mind." Ukyou glanced at Ryouga, who looked confused.  
She surpressed the urge to snicker, or to tell Ranma what Ryouga thought he did.  
Everybody looked at their dealt cards, some in disgust, some happily,  
some keeping a straight face. "I'm out" Ramna said. "Me too" Ryouga added. "RANMA SAOTOME! RYOUGA HIBIKI! PREPARE TO DIE!" "Huh?"

Many observers of Tatewaki Kunou wonder why on earth Kunou totally _ruins_ the element of surprise almost every single time whenever he charges at his foe with the ridiculous battle cry of "[insert name here]  
PREPARE TO DIE!". Many feel that it's the rough equivalent of yelling "here I come, beat me up!" Why does he constantly ruin his advantage time after time?

It's still a mystery.

Kunou was sailing high in the air, bokken held high overhead, flying towards Ryouga, who whipped out his umbrella, blocked the attack, and flung Kunou back out. Ryouga then ran outside to continue the battle,  
muttering "I know, I know, don't damage the dojo."

Ryo slowly got up and started brushing the dust off his suit. Much to his relief, it didn't get damaged in the melee. The sounds of battle caught his attention and so he took position in a tree near the Tendou residence once more and observed the action. He was pleased to find that Hibiki was fighting with someone.  
He dug around in his pockets until he found a small piece of paper and a pencil. Then he observed.

Ryouga went outside, followed by the rest of the Poker Night crew. "Feh," Kunou sneered, "Such cowardly tactics from one such as yourself. STAND AND FIGHT!" He charged, swinging with blazing speed. Ryouga was barely blocking the strikes, unable to block them all, using one hand to hold the umbrella, the other to tear off a small amount of bandanas from his head. He then flung the bandanas at Kunou, who amazingly began knocking them all away. {Wow, he has improved} Ryouga thought to himself,  
{just not enough}. As Kunou was busy swatting away the bandanas, Ryouga leapt in foot-first and nailed Kunou on the side of his face. Kunou stepped back, stunned, and then resumed his fighting stance. "I fight on"  
Kunou said, showing his grim determination.

From within his hiding place, Ryo began to write. [Still has sledgehammer model depleted uranium umbrella. Defense weak. Amazing trick with bandanas as distraction/attack.]  
Actually, Ryo had no idea what the umbrella was made of. He only knew that it was incredibly heavy and extremely painful if one got hit by it.

Kunou charged and this time his battle aura was actually visible. He swung down hard and fast at Ryouga's head, which caused Ryouga to raise his umbrella in defense. Suddenly and in the blink of an eye Kunou pulled his sword back and swung low this time, catching Ryouga off-guard and connected solidly with a blow to the gut which sent Ryouga stumbling back and open to several more solid hits by Kunou's bokken. Any normal person would be on his knees by now, but this was Ryouga, who could withstand the impact of a full-force kick in the head in battle situations and not be affected (as Ranma had once learned). Ryouga lept back to get some distance, wiped the sweat off his forehead, and focused on his enemy once more. Off to the sides, Ranma wasn't sure what to make of this. "Now, either Kunou hasn't taken me on yet with his full effort, or Ryouga is a bit out of practice."

Ryo looked puzzled. He scribbled in his notes. [Ryouga's super-endurance now increased? Took hard hits, wasn't stunned.]

"I hope Ryouga doesn't get hurt." Ukyou said.  
"Aaaand why's that?" Ranma asked, grinning.  
*whop* "This isn't the time to joke around." {Enough} thought Ryouga. {One big assault oughta end this} Ryouga tore off even more bandanas with one hand, readied the umbrella with his other hand, and began to glow with a fiery yellow aura. Kunou's battle aura was flaring as well, as he assumed a ready position, getting ready to unleash his fastest flury of strikes. Ryouga flung his bandanas at Kunou,  
creating a swarm of spinning, buzzing cloth, and flung his umbrella which spun like a top towards its target. Kunou was a blur, striking away the bandanas, but was being cut despite his best efforts. Then the umbrella slammed into him, knocking him back and dropping his guard, allowing the remaining bandanas to pelt at him. Finally, Ryouga held out his hands and yelled "SHISHI HOUKOU-DAN!" unleasing a blast of energy that hurled Kunou through the air and solidly outside of the Tendou fence.

Ryo looked fascinated. He wrote enthusiastically into his notes. [New trick: Ki-blast attack? "Shishihowdedodan?" Overall, minimal use of umbrella, lots of bandanas.]

Ryouga turned around to the sound of clapping and cheers. "Hey, nice show!" "Good going, Ryouga!" "Ah, I coulda finished him faster*OOF*"

Ryo took a deep breath, looked at the Tendou residence, and made a decision. "Maybe later." He folded his notes, then stuffed them into his jacket. Then he scaled a nearby tree and waited for Hibiki to leave, pulling out a mini-tv to kill time.

The late night festivities finally wound down and everyone went on their way, some with a little more money and some with a little less. Ukyou was happy: she hit the jackpot. Ryouga came out even. Mousse did almost as well as Ukyou. Akane managed to not loose too much at all and Ranma, as usual, came out of this the big loser. Ryouga didn't care too much, he just wanted to get very far away from Ranma, especially if he turned into a she. And so, with winnings in hand, Ukyou and Ryouga walked back to Ucchan's. "You feeling better now Ryouga?" Ukyou asked. "Yeah. Feel good as new. Guess it was enough rest... or those bottles of Megavolt Cola." "That stuff's not good for your health y'know." "It seems like from their motto they don't care. How did it go? Hm... 'Megavolt Cola: Caffeine Crazy!'"

Nearby, Ryo had fallen asleep watching on a badly dubbed American show about a lab mouse bent towards world domination. Suddenly, he woke up. "Damnation, fell asleep! Where are they! Where are... ah, there they are." He jumped down to the street, readied his umbrella, and went to pursue his target.

"Excuse me! Pardon me!" someone asked, running towards Ryouga and Ukyou. "Hm? Who's that? Gosunkugi?" "Dunno, Ryouga. Looks kinda like him, doesn't it?"  
The man finally caught up with them, meeting them at a bridge above a waterway. "Hi there. Excuse me. Sorry to ask, but I've been wandering around here for quite a while now..." Ryo knew he should just go for the kill,  
but he just loved ambushing his adversaries boldly,  
"Gosunkugi? Is that you?" Ryouga asked. It _looked_ like Gosunkugi,  
but a bit taller and with a bolder attitude in a suit.  
This threw Ryo off his stride. He resembled somebody Ryouga knew? Hm... it could come in handy later, but at the moment that question nearly ruined the dramatic mood Ryo was in. "Er... no. I've been looking for the Hibiki residence. Would either of you know where that may be?"  
"Well," said Ryouga, looking embarrased, "actually I don't know,  
although I really should. I..." He paused, examining Ryo. Ryouga noticed the man had an umbrella, which seemed to nag at deep warning systems in Ryouga's mind, but failed to pull up the appropriate warning in time. Another thing that should have warned Ryouga was the apparent lack of rainclouds.  
The two inch blade at the end of the umbrella should have been a clear warning. Definitely.  
"You mean you don't know where your own house is? Shame." said Ryo. "What the-?" This little statement threw Ryouga off-guard entirely. Suddenly, Ryo yelled "GEKIHOU!" and swung the umbrella forward. The curved end glowed white with ki-charged power as it swung forward and it connected with Ryouga's chest. He was thrown back five feet and landed on his back. "The masters send their regards."  
"Ryouga!" Ukyou yelled. "Alright, mister, I don't know who you are but you're going down now!" She whipped out her smasher-spatula and stood between Ryo and Ryouga. Ryo got a perplexed look on his face. "Say, are you from the Kitchen Utensils Division?"  
"What? No!" Ryouga stood up slowly (his super-endurance saving him once again) and hefted his own umbrella to an attack position. Meanwhile, Ukyou swung with her spatula but it was hooked by the umbrella handle. Undeterred,  
she held onto the spatula handle, jumped up, and kicked him in the face. As she landed, Ukyou twisted her spatula free. Ryo staggered a few steps back, and then held his umbrella like a rapier. He thrust forward several times and she blocked with her spatula. She noticed that he was making several serious dents in the metal. Suddenly he twirled the umbrella so that the handle was pointed outwards. He swung forward but too far for the strike to reach. To her surprise,  
she was hit solidly in the jaw. She took a step back and examined her adversary carefully, finally noticing that it looked like his umbrella seemed a bit longer than it was before and was retracting back to it's original length. "Telescoping umbrella." said Ryo with a smirk. "You like?"  
Ukyou took hold of several mini-spatulas and aimed for his legs. He jumped forward to attack and to jump over the mini-spatulas and was met by a spatula thrust straight to the gut. He managed to land on his feet after that, but he was a bit dazed. "Not bad, Madam. I'd love to spar more, but I've got a matter of honor to settle with Mister Hibiki. Step aside before I get serious." As Ryo was speaking, he lost track of Ryouga, who was getting into position safely hidden from view behind Ukyou. "You want me to step aside? O-kay..." Ukyou smiled, and totally surprised Ryo by revealing the charging Ryouga that suddenly came into view. "DAMN!" was all he could get out before Ryouga's umbrella point slammed into his gut and slammed him nearly off the bridge. Noticing that he was ever-so-close to falling into the water, he panicked and flailed,  
trying to regain his balance. "nononono! Not water! I *ack*" Ryo was grabbed by his shirt collar by Ryouga, who seemed to take notice of Ryo's apparent aversion to water, and held him above the waters. "Now, who the hell are you?" "Don't ruin the suit," said Ryo flatly.  
"Shut up and talk." said Ryouga.  
The Gosunkugi lookalike smirked. "You really have forgotten, haven't you. Eh, Ryouga? I feel insulted even more."  
"What are you talking about?!" "We've met."  
Ryouga still looked confused. This wasn't what he was expecting. "I've been chasing after you for quite a while now," said Ryo in a low voice, "through Okinawa, across Vietnam, all over China... I must say,  
you do travel. Gave me alot of exercise."  
"You've been," Ryouga paused, merely for dramatic effect, "following my trail," another pause, "for a year now, eh? Say, you wouldn't have happened to have been through Jusenkyou?" He shook Ryo a bit. "Well, maybe I have..." Ryo saw an opening. The fool was too concentrated on rattling his cage and had left a very vunerable spot very much open. "DIE!" he yelled, kneeing Ryouga in the crotch.  
Ryouga's face twisted in pain. He let go of Ryo and stumbled back a bit. Ryo grinned, satisfied that the move had the desired effect. Unfortunately, he had forgotten entirely about the swiftly moving waterway below. "NOOOOOO!" *splash* was the last Ryouga heard of his adversary, as Ryo fell into the water. Ryouga and Ukyou quickly went to the edge of the bridge, looking down, but saw nothing. "Hm... I wonder what his curse was." Ryouga turned away from the stream. "Whatever he is now, I hope he can swim." "Why do you think he's cursed?" "He was looking for revenge, wasn't he? And he did say he followed me to China. He did seem really adverse to water too."

Once more, Ryouga and Ukyou walked down the streets of nighttime Nerima, casually strolling and enjoying the night air.  
"Well," Ukyou said, patting Ryouga in the back, "three deadly foes in one day. You're up to Ranma-esque levels now." "Hey... I never thought about that..." "About what?" "Well, ever since Ranma and Akane got serious, look what's happened to me. I got engaged to Shampoo, Kodachi is obsessed with me, Kunou is out to kill me, Tsubasa is jealous, a mysterious person from my past has come seeking vengence, and you..." "Eh?" Ukyou said uneasily, her eyes scanning the surroundings. "er... turn out to be my best friend." Ryouga nervously tugged at his shirt collar. Ukyou looked away, her expression hidden from Ryouga's view. "Ryouga," Ukyou said, closing her eyes. "What is it?" Ryouga nervously asked. Ukyou turned her back to him, her arms hugged around herself. She turned her head to the left, then to the right, and then turned to face him. She looked him in the eyes.  
"RYOUGA, WHERE THE HELL ARE WE?!"  
He looked around, noticing that they were deep in a forest with city lights blinking far away behind them.

"Huh? How'd we get here?"

Much later...

In a hotel room, Ryo Muhoshin was taking a relaxing hot bath. He also was nursing a nasty bruise where Ryouga's umbrella had impacted and a cut across his stomach where Ukyou's spatula him him. The Dojo Destroyer was easy. The idiot from the Martial Arts Tea Ceremony Dojo (HAH! Tea ceremony indeed) was pathetic. The sad little man who did Martial Arts Handwriting was absolutely a disgrace to martial artists everywhere. Ryo had brought them all down, in the name of the Unorthodox Weaponry School of Martial Arts (or UWSMA, pronounced as ew-smah)

Ryouga was proving to be different.

It seemed that he was just supernaturally unlucky, as far as trying to take down Hibiki. A wrong step here, a bad guess there, it was always _something_. He had yet to face Hibiki without something utterly stupid happening that ruined the moment.

He'd lost to Hibiki before, but never like this.

One thing, a odd little thing, was puzzling him. He _thought_ Ryouga should have been at his place of residence. Ryo broke into the Hibiki household one night, a while back, only to find a dustly, unkept, dark,  
and obviously long-unlived-in household. He didn't understand that particular mystery at all. He knew Ryouga's sense of direction was bad,  
but to not even live at his own house? And what about the rest of his family? Could the _entire_ family be as directionally challanged as Ryouga? It seemed to be the case.

\- end part 5 - 


	7. I Remember You

=================== PART VI I Remember You ===================

[Early November: Friday, Sunset]

Muhoshin sat in his hotel room, flipping through a file and looking mildly upset. The previous evening didn't go as well as he had hoped. In fact, it was a disaster. He was intending to breeze in, defeat Hibiki,  
and go back for a well deserved rest. Easier said than done, apparently.  
He was beginning to feel all the old frustrations coming back, focused on the one directionally challanged idiot whose name made him wince as if someone had been scratching a chalkboard with a rake. All the old frustration that he used to feel with _him_ winning all the time.  
It seemed to him that he'd best familiarize himself with the locals,  
now that he was going to have to deal with them. He was flipping through what passed as "surveillance information" from a popular sources known among all who had somebody to stalk. There were various photos and notes typed on each of them. Possible allies and enemies. He wanted a plan. A good plan. Something that would hurt Ryouga mentally, at the very least.

Fighting honestly was a challange. Fighting dirty was a sport.

There was a photo of a short haired girl. [Akane Tendou. Age 17. Love interest of Ryouga Hibiki? Potential hostage. Violent tendancies. Approach with caution]  
{Hm... kidnapping.} He mulled the possibilities over. It was one of the oldest tricks in the book, cliched terribly, but still it was a plan.

Just out of curiosity, he flipped through the file until he reached a name that was bothering him. "E...F...G...Go...Gosunkugi, Hikaru.  
Mm-hm," Ryo muttered. He opened the file to find no picture and only one piece of paper. It read:

Hikaru Gosunkugi:

Mostly Harmless.

Ryo blinked. Mostly harmless?

Ryouga and Ukyou were standing around the restaraunt, relaxing since it was a slow day for business. He sat at a table, Ukyou standing nearby at the grill. "So who was this guy anyways? And what'd he want with you?" Ryouga was silent. "Hey! Ryouga! Hello?" "I'm trying to remember, okay?" Ryouga continued to concentrate.

"Well, a couple of years ago..."

[Several Years Ago. Location: ?]

Ryouga stumbled through thick underbrush and dense forest, cursing for the hundredth time his inherited sense (or, actually, lack of) direction.  
He'd been in pursuit of that coward Ranma for a while now. It felt like he'd been wandering around for weeks. He staggered onward, ignoring the grumble eminating from the pit of his stomach and the lightheadedness that began to invade his head. He couldn't stop, not now.  
Vengence knew no time, but Ryouga was impatient anyways.  
Frustrated at the dense forest, he gave a determined yell and charged straight forward, obstacles be damned. To his surprise, the forest suddenly ended and a large wooden wall suddenly loomed ahead.  
"Oh n-" *WHAM*

[end flashback]

"So... you made a big entrance, huh?" Ukyou smirked "Well, I got out of the forest, didn't I?" countered Ryouga.

Ryo put down the file on Nerima's infamous and took a long drink from a can of cola, his eyes narrowed in thought. It'd been quite a while since he faced Mr. Hibiki. Although he didn't remember Ryo, Ryo certainly didn't forget him.

[several years ago...]

The senseis looked on from the front of the dojo while the students sat on the fringes. At the center, two gi-clad figures paced, watching each other warily. One weilded a blue bamboo umbrella. He was breathing heavily, sweat drenching his gi, with various cuts and bruises dotting his body. The other held an obsidian umbrella with a hook-end handle.  
This one had a few tears in his gi, but he was otherwise calm, breathing slowly, and not hurt.  
The one with the black umbrella relaxed his stance and lowered his umbrella slightly. With an air of smugness, he let a small grin creep across his face. "Kousuke," he said quietly, low enough for his opponent to hear, but too quiet for the others, "it is not too late to surrender."  
"Surrender?!" hissed Kousuke.  
"Yes... just beg."  
"NEVER!" Kousuke charged, slashing with great speed. He left gashes in the floor and left a vaccum in the air with each slash, but his adversary had somehow blocked or dodged every attack.  
"You've made your decision, Kousuke. Remember that," said the other,  
just before he hooked Kousuke's ankle with the umbrella, pulled, then kicked at his knee from the front. There was the unmistakable sound of a joint bending in a way that it wasn't built to, and Kousuke collapsed on the floor, writing in pain.  
"Muhoshin that is enough!" yelled one of the senseis.  
He either didn't hear the sensei, or ignored him as he swung his umbrella like a bat and struck at Kousuke's side.  
"Ryo! I said that is enough!"  
Ryo kicked Kousuke in the gut, sending him skidding for several feet before collapsing once more on the floor. Enough? No, this wasn't nearly enough. Kousuke had been good, and obedient, and quick to learn, a sensei's pet, so to speak. He had made one mistake: he'd hoped of being recognized as an equal in talent to Ryo Muhoshin. Ryo wouldn't allow that. People just needed to learn where they belonged. Kousuke would be an example, one in a long line of examples, of what happened when they tried to surpass him.  
"MUHOSHIN! I SAID-"

*CRASH*

A ragged figure, clad in backpack and umbrella, smashed through the walls, knocking Kousuke out of the way, and ended up taking the hit intended for Kousuke's skull. The stranger staggered a few feet, then collapsed, while Ryo approached him with narrowed eyes. Who was this person that denied him his sport?  
"Students!" boomed one of the senseis, "bring these two to the medical room! Muhoshin! You will stay here!"

And thus went the first meeting of Ryo Muhoshin and Ryouga Hibiki.  
What happened to Hibiki next after that, Ryo knew not.

"What happened next?" asked Ukyou.  
"Well... let's see... I crashed through the dojo wall, felt a sharp pain in my head, then I passed out. A while later..."

Ryouga woke up slowly, feeling very much refreshed. He sensed he was on something soft. He wasn't quite sure what it was, as lately he hadn't been on anything like that... but he was fairly sure it was a bed. He opened his eyes slowly, only to see a young girl with short hair looking down at him, as if examining him. "Well, good morning," she greeted, looking at him curiously.  
"Um, hi."  
After that remarkably complex conversation, she left and brought back an older gentlemen, who told him that he was suffering from exhaustion and needed a few days of rest.  
Occasionally, some old men came in and asked him a few questions... was he a martial artist? How skillfull was he? Would he care to train with them?  
In addition to the questions, the old men treated him well, offering quite a lot in terms of food to eat and hospitality in general. They made him feel very much welcome.

"And well," said Ryouga, "it seemed like they wanted me to stay for a while, and I guess I wanted to pay them back for their kindness..."  
"So you hung around there for a while, right?" said Ukyou.  
Ryouga nodded. "It seemed that they didn't want me to go away."

If only Hibiki had gone away! Ryo felt that his life would have run fairly smoother, if he had. If only Ryo had known what Hibiki would mean to him, he'd have crippled him on the spot. But no, after Hibiki was taken away, Ryo gave him no further thought, until a few days later...

The students were all standing at attention within the dojo, their umbrellas to the side. As usual, Ryo was at front and center, looking rather emotionless. A new student was introduced, a peculiar boy with a bad sense of direction and some need of dental work. As they all found out at the introduction, he was Ryouga Hibiki, already practiced in martial arts and a student there beginning today. Ryo sensed something was amiss. He scanned the faces of his senseis.  
Sensei Miyaji seemed to be hiding nothing... but the others, they seemed quite happy at the arrival of Hibiki. Something was going on.  
In the coming months, he found out what was so special about Ryouga.  
He was a quick learner, if it was within his ability to learn. He'd been beaten by Ryo several times, in the early matches, but after one month, Ryouga held his own... and after two months...

"UGH!" Ryo fell to one knee, feeling the incredible weight of Ryouga's umbrella smashing into his gut for the fourth time in the match. The world became a blur and he saw one of the senseis raising his hand to indicate a point scored. For some reason the sensei was standing next to Ryouga... why was everyone cheering?  
Then a frown traveled across his normally calm face. He BEAT me... HE beat me... he beat ME! ME! Ryo sensed the eyes of all who feared him looking down at him now with ridicule. Who was afraid of the big bad Ryo? He'd finally been beaten, soundly as well, and by a student that had been to the school briefly. It didn't matter that he had been trained as a martial artist previously. The only thing that everyone looked for was a win or a loss. Was this what the senseis were up to? Getting a hired gun to put me in my place? I WAS IN MY PLACE! AT THE TOP! Ryouga...  
he'll pay for this...

As fate would have it, the next several months were exercises in frustration. He'd come close sometimes... VERY close... and once he even had the opportunity to kill him. But... but for some reason, with his umbrella blade pressed at Ryouga's throat... he passed that up. Ryouga showed no extreme passion for the art, at least, in his own opinion. Ryo just didn't understand, WHY was he staying there? Month,  
after month, after month?!

"Anyways, I stayed there for a couple of months... learned a few things... sparred alot with people, Ryo was one of them I guess..." rambled Ryouga. "Did you do anything to make him mad?" wondered Ukyou.  
"No... I don't think so. We sparred alot. That's about it."  
"Did he act mean to you? Hostile?"  
"No. He was just kinda stiff, but always polite about things."  
"So, how'd you end up leaving, then?"  
Ryouga tapped his chin, thinking. "Let's see... it was after several months..."

Outside, the sky was somewhat overcast and the breeze was strong. Ryouga stood outside, in front of the UWSMA dojo which specialized in umbrellas and other protecive gear of the like. It had been several months now, and he had a nagging feeling that he was forgetting something. "Hibiki, hello," said a flat, cordial, but mostly emotionless voice.  
"Oh. Hi, Muhoshin."  
Ryo perched himself upon the railing that lined the edge of the porch and looked down at Ryouga, who was standing outside of the building's protective roof.  
"Tell me Ryouga, honestly, why have you come here?"  
"Hm?"  
"Why? What brought you this way?"  
"I was..." mumbled Ryouga, searching his memory, "hunting down someone... I think..."  
Ryo narrowed his eyes and looked at Ryouga suspiciously. "Is that so?" He twirled his umbrella slowly, and removed the protective guard from the blade tip. "Who, may I ask?"  
Ryouga's eyes widened in horror. How could he forget about RANMA?  
The scum that ran out on their duel! Suddenly, Ryouga yelled to the sky,  
"RANMA! I'LL FIND YOU YET!"  
Ryo stared in surprise as Ryouga suddenly bolted away, smashing through several buildings in his attempt to find his way around. There were several yells of anger as people stepped out of the damaged buildings and looked for the offending rampant traveler, but Ryouga was already gone,  
once more into the great wide open.  
"WHERE ON EARTH AM I NOW?!"

"And, well, after that, I made my way to China... and then Ranma...  
at Jusenkyou... that's when RANMA RUINED MY-"  
"Oh, PLEASE, Ryouga. Let's not start on _that_ again, hm?"  
"Well, it WAS his fault!"  
"How long are you gonna be mad about that?" prodded Ukyou, irritated.  
"It was a long time ago!"

It was a long time that the memory of Ryouga irked him. The mention of his name raised his blood pressure and lit his fuse. But things changed,  
although slowly, with the exit of Hibiki from the scenario. Life had resumed it's status quo, or so he had hoped.  
Unfortunately, the shadow of Hibiki's achievements did not leave with him. He saw less fear in the eyes of his fellow students. He knew what they were thinking: one of them would take him down, maybe not now, maybe not tomorrow, but one of them, and sometime. Because they finally saw that he was not unbeatable, far from it in fact.  
And then there was the way the senseis CONSTANTLY reminded him of his humiliation, rubbing it in his face that he'd been brought low by an outsider with less training than he. They dared speculate that he would never have the amount of potential that the Hibiki boy had.  
And they reminded him of this every day.  
Technically, there was nothing standing in the way of his regaining his former rank of top student, and soon he was once again on the edge of being graduated to the highest level he could achieve without being a 'sensei'. He knew that there were others better than him, certainly, but that's why they're the senseis, after all. A time would come when he'd have that title too, but that was the future. He was interested in a smaller time scale.

Then, one day, the senseis had a meeting...

Ryo sat outside the dojo, eavesdropping on a meeting of several senseis of some topic that rumored to be around him. So far, what he heard was rather interesting.  
"I STRONGLY disagree with this method, gentlemen. It will aggrivate his already formidable mean streak. It won't make him a better person at all. It's bad enough that you have reminded him daily of his inferiority to the boy!" Ryo recoginzed that voice. It was Sensei Miyaji... ever the voice of peace and calm. Inferiority indeed...  
"Hibiki ran out on us, Miyaji! Without word of explanation! He insults us with such behaviour!" said one voice.  
"Besides, what better way to test Muhoshin than to send him against the one person that has managed to defeat him on a consistent basis? If he looses, then he might be humbled at last, or perhaps driven into hiding by shame, who knows? But he is likely to become our problem no more."  
"And if he wins, it will sharpen Muhoshin's confidence level. We ourselves can still turn him away from his morme undesirable habits, with more rigorous training!"  
Ryo knew those as well... senseis Kazutaka and Ichiro.  
"Your previous plan to make Muhoshin a more 'mild mannered' person has failed!" said Miyaji. "All you achieved was to make Muhoshin nearly psychotic at the mention of the name Hibiki! Manipulating those boys like that... you should be ashamed! Whatever you plan to do with him now...  
I... I wash my hands of it! Do you hear!" And with that, Miyaji's footsteps were heard, followed by the opening and closing of a door.  
Sooo, that was what was going on. They had enticed Ryouga to stay,  
his purpose being to humble Me? thought Ryo, somewhat angrily. I will not bend.  
"Let's go find Muhoshin," sighed Ichiro.  
At this point, Ryo couldn't resist but make a smooth entrance. He strode into the room, grinning dangerously. As he expected, they assigned him to take down Hibiki, and to his pleasant surprise, a few others who had seemed to have offended the honor of the UWSMA at some point. Ryouga,  
as well as the others, had been located in Nerima, amongst a small community of other martial artists. Ryo was given a file on them, obtained through unknown sources, and was sent on his way with a fair amount of travel money.  
He'd do things his way, though. This, he decided from the start. A little gambling here, a little extortion there, and he was financially self-sufficient. The senseis also didn't put a time limit on his hunt, so he decided to have a small vacation of sorts... that took an entire year.  
A little sight seeing, some new martial arts techniques learned, a few people crushed along the way...  
But all good things must pass, and Ryo felt that he'd best get back to the job at hand. And so, onward he went to Nerima, to begin Hibiki hunting at last.

Ryouga hmmed, thinking about the situation. What would it take to stop Ryo from hunting him? It was all a big misunderstanding, right? Ryouga was sure that maybe if they talked things over the problem would be settled. Maybe. Then again, that approach didn't exactly work on him when Ranma tried it.  
"Um... Ryouga, mind if I ask you a favor?" "Hm? Yeah, sure." "Ranma and Akane are going to see some movies. They invited me to go along and... well..." "You'd feel uncomfortable alone with those two, right?" "You got it. So could you..." "Yeah, sure. No problem. Just... keep Ranma away from me. Please?"  
The memory of Ranma-chan kissing him was still an incredibly traumatic memory... one he'd rather do without.

Ryo took in all the memories of the last few years, letting the aggrivation soak into himself. Nothing like a surge of anger to boost up one's fighting spirit. Just then, something caught his eye. Something that was strong enough to deflate his fighitng spirit.  
He picked up the newspaper.  
"Oh. Oh my my my... the Jackie Chan festival. Mustn't miss that." He felt the adrenaline rush drain away from his body, as his muscles loosened and his blood pressure dropped suddenly. Ryouga could wait. There was always time to appreciate the finer things in life.

-end part 6-  



	8. Just a Little Date

================== PART VII Just a Little Date ==================

"Akane, do you really think this is gonna work?" "Definitely. She's gonna feel awkward about being alone with the two of us. You know the saying 'three's a crowd', right? She's not gonna want to be stuck alone with a couple, so she's gonna ask Ryouga to go with her. It's a sure thing." "Well... yeah..." "Hey, what could go wrong?"

It was just another Friday night at the Nekohanten. Cologne was hovering about somewhere, Shampoo was alternating between overseeing the cooking and serving as waitress, and Mousse... he had something important on his mind. He was contemplating his last long conversation with Ryouga.

"What, you think Ranma beat Shampoo HONORABLY? Some big arranged fight? Let me tell you, he beat her totally by accident, and when she was trying to hit someone else. You tell me how HONORABLE that is, huh?

It was true then, that it didn't have to be a big formal challange. It didn't have to be a full-fledged fight. Ranma blindsided her, and look how much she chased after him. Where was the honor in Ranma's victory over her? Since when did he let honor stand in the way of his quest to win Shampoo's heart, anyways? Some of his attacks on Ranma were, he admitted to himself, a little less than honorable.  
He looked over to Shampoo. She was checking on a pot, her back turned. It could just be as simple as a blow to the head. She peered into the pot, her concentration on nothing else at the moment. A good hit and the right moment... like now. "Mousse!" "YAAAAAH!" Mousse jumped back, not noticing that Cologne had entered the room and had been watching for a while now. "What's wrong, boy. You're sweating badly and shaking. Go take a break." "Y-yes... sure.." Mousse stepped out the back door and breathed deeply. Questions bounced in his head. {Can I do this? She's not going to be single forever. Time is slipping away. Where's the honor in this? Who needs honor? What should I do? Stupid amazon laws!}  
He sighed and re-entered the kitchen. Shampoo was there, stirring some ramen. Cologne was gone once more. {Just one blow} he thought. He whipped a mallet out of his sleeve. {Just one.}  
"Shampoo?" {One hit.}  
"What you want Mousse? I busy." {And she's mine.}

*WHAM*

"So, which one's your favorite?" asked Ranma.  
"Drunken Master II, definitely," said Ryouga.  
"I dunno, Dragons Forever was better, I think," replied Ukyou.  
Ranma, Akane, Ryouga, and Ukyou casually strolled down the streets, on the way to the Jackie Chan festival. Akane &amp; Ranma walked arm in arm,  
casually, while Ukyou walked on Ranma's side and Ryouga walked alongside Akane. Ryouga and Ukyou seemed to silently but mutually agree not to appear like they were a couple.  
"Hey Ryouga," Ranma asked, "I heard some guy attacked you last week."  
"Yeah. Old grudge or something like that."  
"Really?" "Yup." "Well," said Ranma, looking smug, "what comes around goes around, hm?" *WHAM*WHAM* Both Ukyou and Akane elbowed Ranma at the same time. In stereo, they yelled, "Stop picking on Ryouga!" "Ow..."

Ryo walked along the streets of Nerima, once again clad in suit, on his way to the Jackie Chan film festival. He was looking forward to this. If there was anybody out there that represented the Unorthodox Weaponry Martial Arts school, it could easily be Jackie Chan. He used chairs (covered in the Furniture Division), pottery (scattered amongst Furniture,  
Gardening, and some other sub-divisions of the school) and other interesting and diverse weapons. Yes indeed, there's nothing like a good Jackie Chan film. Suddenly, something caught his attention. Female. Short hair. Looks like she just hit some guy. She's standing next to Ryouga. {A-ha. Target found.}  
{But wait... Mr. Chan and the cinema await.}  
"Damnation, what a dilema." he muttered. Ryo debated the pros and cons of doing the job now and doing the job later. It was a pefect setup. The girl was already there and so was Ryouga. Besides, it would be a dramatic and bold assault, would it not?  
Looks like Jackie Chan will have to wait. The first two movies were so-so anyways. The real good ones wouldn't be shown for hours. He checked his inventory. Umbrella was at the ready. Strips of cloth that would serve as gags. A rope. A gas grenade. And it was looked like a good angled jump from the roof to the street below too...

Time to get to work.

Ryouga sensed something was wrong. As Ranma and Akane broke into one of their typical arguments, he heard something sailing through the air. He turned around to see Ryo Muhoshin landing gently and closing his umbrella.  
Ryo looked up at everyone, smiled, and simply said "Hello." Then he threw down a handfull of small capsules and the group was suddenly surrounded by smoke. *cough* {Perhaps I used too much...} Ryo wondered quietly. He advanced on where Akane was standing and poked her with the tip of his umbrella on a spot on her back. She passed out and was slung over Ryo's shoulder. Studying a little on pressure points made abductions so much easier. Ryo couldn't help but give off a little laugh and ran off into the night. A strong breeze suddenly hit, and the smoke cleared. Ranma looked around. "Hey, where's Akane?" He looked around, shouting "AKANE!" Ryouga looked down. This was his fault, he felt. Someone comes after him and now his friends are getting caught up in it. {How DARE he bring outsiders into a duel! Hey, what's that on the ground?}  
Ryouga pointed. "Hey, what's that on the ground?" He reached for a small envalope left on the ground with 'to Ryouga' written on it. He opened it up and read the message aloud.

"Hibiki. Sorry about the inconvenience, but I felt like I needed to give you a bit more motivation for the next time we fight. If you want your girlfriend back, meet me where we first met. Be there in 20 minutes.

-Ryo"

Ryouga looked up at Ukyou. "You remember the place where we fought Ryo last time?" "C'mon," Ranma said, grabbing Ryouga's arm, "I'm gonna kill that guy." Ranma thought to himself, {if he hurts her... I'll kill him!}

Akane slowly regained conciousness. Where was she? The last she remembered was a bunch of smoke. She moved her arms, but they were tied,  
and felt what was near her hands, a steel pole. She opened her eyes and saw that she was tied up on a streetlamp on a bridge.  
Akane sighed. She really hated playing the part of the hostage. It was so... so... insulting! And stereotypical too! Grr... MEN! Akane began to work on the ropes tying her down when her captor finally made his presence known. "Excuse me, but the role of the hostage is usually to just stand still while the so-called hero comes in for a rescue attempt." The voice came from behind her. "LET ME GO NOW!" "Hm... no. Not yet. You I really don't intend to do anything with,  
really. Don't worry about that. I _do_ intend on severely hurting your significant other, at the very least."  
"He'll beat you! You'll see!" Akane winced as she said those words.  
She had a hard time believing that she'd actually said something as corny as that.  
Ryo clapped sarcastically, his face emotionless. "There you go. THAT is how a hostage is supposed to behave."  
"Who are you anyways?" "I didn't introduce myself? Ryo Muhoshin, School of Unorthodox Weaponry Martial Arts, Umbrella Division, and due for a promotion, as soon as I crush your significant other." Ryo stepped into view and gave a little salute with his umbrella. "Hope this doesn't take too long, I don't want to miss too much of the Jackie Chan festival. It seems I'll miss the first hour already."

Ranma angrily stomped down the street, dragging Ryouga with him and followed by Ukyou. "Where is it?" he growled. "Just around the corner, Ranchan." The trio turned the corner and the bridge came into sight. They saw Ryo casually talking with Akane, who was tied up to a lamp post and looking very angry. "Guys, I'll be right back." "Hey, wait a-" Ryouga started. "He took my fiancee... if he hurt her, I'll KILL HIM!"  
Neither Ryouga or Ukyou had ever seen Ranma so angry before. Ranma ran to the bridge, focusing on his target...

Akane was still engaged in conversation with Ryo. "What do you want with Ranma anyways? I thought you were after Ryouga?" Ryo looked confused. "Ranma? What about him?" "Ranma, my _fiancee_." "What? But I was told Ryouga was in love with you..." "No. Ryouga's just my friend. Ranma's my fiancee." "Ranma?" He fretted. Things were going wrong already.  
"YEAH, ME!" was all the warning Ryo got as he was struck from behind with a blow that flung him to the side barriers of the bridge. As he recovered from that blow, he heard footsteps getting closer. He turned to face his adversary. "Wait a-" "TENSHIN AMAGURI-KEN!" was all he heard in reply, as an insane amount of punches landed on him. Ryo managed to block only a few of them, and then jumped away to a safe distance and landed wobbling. He checked himself. Bloodied nose, multiple bruises, left arm felt like a jackhammer was used on it, and yet ANOTHER suit was ruined. No turning back now, he was going to have to fight to get out of this situation.  
Ranma charged at Ryo again, but this time Ryo was ready. He held his umbrella by the point and began to glow. "You're mine!" Ranma yelled. "Hey! Untie me, you idiot!" Akane yelled. "Ryugeki-Ken!" Ryo jumped back and swung his umbrella, releasing a boomerang-shaped blast of energy from the curved handle. Ranma held his hands forward and yelled "Moko-Takabisha!" releasing his own ki attack, destroying the Ryugeki-Ken and impacting with Ryo. He was knocked off his feet and landed flat on his back. Akane tore free from her bonds and stomped towards the fight. "Ouch" Ryo muttered, getting up. Before he was able to stand up, Ranma already was standing above him and grabbed him by his necktie, putting Ryo in a choke of sorts. "ACK" was all he could say to that.  
Ranma looked at him in disbelief. "Gosunkugi?" "_No_" he spat, narrowing his eyes. The name 'Gosunkugi' was beginning to get on his nerves. "Whatever. Who do you think you are? Kidnapping my fiancee!" "GEKIHOU!" Ryo yelled as he swung the glowing umbrella handle hard and fast at Ranma's chest. Ranma blocked in time with his arm, but the impact was still incredibly hard, and Ranma was slammed several feet into the air, landing against the lamp post where Akane was tied up. Ranma got up,  
but he looked like he was in pain, and his left arm was limp at his side.  
"Alright," Ryo said, trying to get up, "I think what we have here... is a big misunderstanding. I was told the lady was Ryouga's, not yours. My deepest apologies, really. Now if you'll excuse mee*OOF*" Ryo didn't notice Akane zooming in on him as he got up, and she hammered him hard with a left hook which sent him flying back again. "Okay, that's it! Lady, you a*ACK*" Ryo didn't notice that Ryouga was sneaking up from behind until he felt his neck being crushed. Ryo was lifted into the air and held over the side of the bridge, over the waters. "So," Ryouga said, angrily, "picking on my friends now?" "Ack" Ryo weakly offered. As discreetly as he could, Ryo swiveled his umbrella until the tip pointed to the ground. He smiled weakly at Ryouga and (with throat crushed) croaked "Bakusaitenketsu." As he said the word,  
Ryouga's eyes widened in surprise. Then the umbrella tip touched the concrete and the cement under Ryo and Ryouga suddenly exploded, sending them both to the waters below. "NOOOOOOO!" Ryouga screamed. Akane was near! If she found out that he was P-Chan, he was dead! He reached out and managed to grab some metal wiring that stuck out of the now destroyed part of the bridge and held on in a death grip. Ryouga gently swayed back and forth high above the waters, holding on with one hand.  
"Damn youuuu..." *SPLASH* was all Ryo had to say about the situation. Ranma, Akane, and Ukyou ran to the side of the bridge and looked down. Ryo was nowhere to be seen. They all looked into the waters, checking for any signs of his escape. A shoe and a suitjacket floated in the waters. A few frogs were at the water's edge. Some birds flew away. Bugs hovered around the area. "I guess he's gone," Ranma said. "What a jerk." Ukyou grumbled. "Looks alot like Gosunkugi, doesn't he?" Akane added. "HEY! SOMEBODY PULL ME UP!" Ryouga yelled.

Cologne had stepped out of the Nekohanten briefly to buy some ingredients at the local market. As she was shopping, a feeling of dread washed over her. Cologne immediately rushed home to find a strange scene. Standing in front of the Nekohanten with a mallet in his hand was Mousse. He was grinning like a maniac. "Mousse! Snap out of it, boy! Mousse!" Mousse wasn't responding. He was just giggling slightly and looking at the stars. This wasn't a good sign. Could he have possibly done it? Had Mousse finally snapped after all these years of rejection? Cologne rushed into the kitchen to find Shampoo slowly recovering and with a big bump on her head. "Oh no." Cologne realized what might have happened. "Great Grandmother, what is it?" Shampoo still looked a bit groggy. "No. How did he do this. He must have used some trickery! I will not allow such weaklings into our bloodline!" "Sorry, 'Old Ghoul'," Mousse arrogantly said, swaggering into the kitchen. He was still grinning like a maniac. "I've checked the books. I've even got a precedent. Everything is settled." Shampoo was still a bit groggy, and was becoming upset when she realized that Mousse knocked her out with a mallet. "What you hit me for?!" she asked. "Shampoo, YOU'RE MINE! HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA!" Shampoo didn't understand, at first. Then she realized it. Mousse knocked her out. He beat her. He was.. he was... Shampoo took a deep breath. Then she opened her mouth.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!"

[Saturday Morning]

In his hotel room, Ryo Muhoshin woke up, feeling much better than he had been when he fell into the river. He was hurt, true, but not badly,  
and he always did recover fast.  
That Saotome had blazing speed. Strong skill. Definitely someone to avoid. He'd almost hurt Ryo badly. Almost. The girl was tough too. Her punch felt like a sledgehammer. He criticized himself for allowing those two to get so many hits in. Ryo still had quite a few tricks left to unveil, but until he was fully recovered, he'd just lie in wait. Anyways, the Jackie Chan film festival was running for 36 hours straight, so he could still catch maybe 20 hours worth of good 'ol martial arts action. As he headed to the shower, he wondered why the hell these people around here were fond of dumping their adversaries in the river. It was incredibly annoying. He was running out of good suits and alot of his shoes were NOT waterproof. The suede ones were totally ruined. Maybe his sister was right. Maybe dressing up in a suit didn't intimidate the enemy very much, or at all. Anyways, the dry-cleaner bill was killing him.  
He headed out the door, this time in ordinary black pants and grey shirt. He had plenty of these, and ruining a set would be cheaper than ruining a good suit. He was dressed almost _exactly_ like Gosunkugi. Had he known this,  
thing would've been different, but that's life.

Walking towards the theatre, Ryo noticed that alot of people, very thug-like in appearance, were beginning to follow him. Then he noticed the wall of thugs that was forming a few feet ahead of him. He was surrounded. {Oh-ho. Thugfest perhaps?} Ryo wondered. One massive person stepped up. He was incredibly muscular and was weilding a heavy chain. In a deep voice, he said "Hey, punk, remember us?" {Aah, the Furinkan nuisances.}  
"I don't have time for this," Ryo replied slowly.  
"We'll MAKE time, Gosunkugi. And this time, you're NOT gonna run away." "You are making a mistake."  
"Get'em!" The lead thug yelled. {Oh well, I guess I could use the practice.}

Ten minutes later Ryo brushed off his shirt. It got a bit of dust on it, and a small amount of blood, not his.  
Behind him was a streetfull of thugs in bruised, twisted, slightly burnt, and mostly unconscious condition. Ryo went up to what he assumed was the chief thug, who was curretly lying face-first in the dirt. He grabbed his hair and pulled his face up. "If I see you again," Ryo said with narrowed eyes, "I kill you."

In the darkness of a theatre in the front row, Akane, Ranma, Ukyou, and Ryouga sat, enjoying "Drunken Master II". They'd gone back to the theater after the fight with Ryo, and after Ranma stopped by Dr. Tofu's to get his arm checked. As it turned out, his arm was badly bruised. Ukyou and Ryouga insisted in getting Ranma's head checked as well. Of course, he took it as an insult and demanded that they head back to the theater before they miss anything else. They'd been there since the day before, getting a solid 10 hours of Jackie Chan. However, not all of them could endure the marathon straight through. Despite her violent tendencies and martial arts skills, Akane didn't enjoy action movies as much as the others They were enjoyable, but she wasn't fanatical about it. She fell asleep after the 8th hour, her head resting on Ranma's shoulder. Ranma, on the other hand, WAS fanatical about it. He was chugging down his fourth mega-size soda, loaded with caffeine, and was staring at the screen with wide eyes. The only film he came close to disliking was the one Jackie made in America in which he was partnered with some old Italian guy. "The Protector" was the title of that little film. Watching that movie convinced Ranma that those Americans could never ever get action movies done right. It was talent wasted. Ukyou was paying almost as much attention as Ranma was. She loved these types of movies. She watched alot of them in her childhood, and it made her feel nostalgic watching them again. Ryouga was trying to stay awake. He didn't see movies much at all. Being lost for roughly 70% of his life tends to put going to movie theatres somewhat low on the list of things to do. Ryouga admitted that the action was pretty good, the stuntwork was fabulous, and the humor was good, but he had things weighing on his mind that made him tired. Slowly he drifted into sleep, ever-so-slowly slumping to one side, his head falling, falling, and falling... Ukyou's eyes suddenly widened. She felt something heavy on her right shoulder. It was making an awful hacksaw kind of noise. She slowly turned her head only to see Ryouga, fast asleep and snoring. She wasn't sure of what to do. A part of her felt that the guy deserved a rest. Another part of her thought she should slug him through the roof. She looked over at Ranma and sighed. There they were, the cozy couple,  
and there she was, with nobody. She looked at Ryouga,who was still asleep. "Stuck with you instead" she murmered. {Yeah, stuck with Ryouga the wonder pig.}  
She remembered the first time they met. She was still in extreme crossdresser mode back then, and he thought that she was a guy. Then Ranma showed Ryouga that she was a girl by opening Ukyou's shirt. Idiots, both of 'em. Ranma sensed something was up. He looked to his right to see Ryouga leaning on Ukyou. He held back a slight laugh. Wasn't it usually the girl that leans on the guy? That Ryouga, what a wimp. Then a terrible buzzsaw sound errupted briefly. Ranma's smile dissapeared. How was he supposed to enjoy the movie with that noise going on? He reached over to shake Ryouga's head a bit. Ukyou was stunned when she realized Ranma was putting his arm around her. She was unsure of what to do. Yes, she still wanted him and was glad he was putting his arm around her, but right here _with_ Akane at the same time? Like this? Her heart was beating heavily and she wasn't sure what to do. Ranma, reaching behind Ukyou, gave Ryouga's head a thump. In doing so,  
Ranma had to lean towards Ryouga, and hence, leaned towards Ukyou, who was staring straight ahead and blushing deep red. Ryouga woke up to the feel of someone thumping his head, which was enough to make him mad. He looked around to see who hit him. Akane, leaning on Ranma, woke up since he was leaning away from her. She blinked her eyes, yawned, and then looked at Ranma. Ranma noticed that Akane wasn't leaning on his shoulder anymore, which meant that she must be awake again. He also noticed that Ryouga woke up as well, and was in an angry mood. He was getting a nagging feeling something was wrong when he noticed that Ukyou was wide-eyed and blushing badly. That nagging feeling became a Strong Sense Of Danger when he noticed that Ryouga was not only looking angry, but now looking angrily at _him_. He turned slowly, that Strong Sense Of Danger still kicking at him, and noticed that Akane was looking right at him too, and definitely _not_ in a kind and loving way. "What do you think you're doing?" Akane and Ryouga both said. Comprehension finally snapped into place. Ranma sat up straight,  
removed his arm from around Ukyou, looked panic-stricken, and stammered,  
"Um... it's... it's not what you guys think! Really.. I uh, I mean, it was just..." "Well?" Akane asked, looking angrier by the second. "Well Ryouga was..." "What about me, Saotome?" Ryouga wasn't getting any happier either. "I mean... oh no." *WHAM* Ranma got hammered in stereo, as Ryouga's and Akane's fists landed solidly on opposite sides of his face. "Ow! Will you just let me explain!"

Ryo sat quietly in the balcony. For the most part he was enjoying himself. He arrived just in time to catch Drunken Master II, and Twin Dragons was next on the list. Life was good. Well, almost. There were a pack idiots in the bottom front row making all sorts of noise. He thought about ki-blasting them into silence, but changed his mind. Today was a day for _rest_. He sat back and smiled.

Everybody in the theatre was enjoying themselves. They didn't notice something lurking, cruising through the rows.  
Along the balcony, chaos was slowly spreading. A girl jumped up,  
startled, and then slapped the guy next to her. Other girls suddenly felt a little colder than usual, and were startled to discover that their undergarments had mysteriously vanished. One girl, sitting in the front row of the balcony, was checking in her purse when she suddenly felt a light squeeze on her chest. She looked up angrily, saw that the man sitting a seat away from her seemed to be enjoying the movie too much (he was sitting back and smiling) and gave that man a solid slap in the face.  
"Pervert!" She yelled.

"OW!" Ryo didn't know what brought that about. Damned crazy woman! Just slapping him like that for no reason!  
Then he heard the voice. It cackled. He heard that cackle before. He listened carefully. "What a haul!" Ryo grabbed his umbrella, stood up, and looked for his prey. "A-ha."

Ranma had finally diffused the situation, explaining everything. Akane went back to leaning on his shoulder and fell asleep again, but this time with a somewhat angry look on her face. Ukyou was still staring straight ahead at the screen. Ryouga went back to watching the movie, but was slowly falling asleep too. Suddenly, there was the sounds of panic coming from the balcony seats. Ranma looked up to see what was causing a commotion in the balcony when he heard a yell of "GEKIHOU!" which was followed by a solid *BOOM* from the balcony. From the center of a flash of light a little two-foot tall figure rocketed through the air and hit the theatre screen with a *thwap*. "Aw great, it's him." Happousai, embedded within the screen, looked at his attacker and his eyes began to glow red. "You again... how DARE you interfere with me!" Ranma blinked. Usually that type of dialogue was reserved for use on him. Apparently, someone else had incurred Happi's wrath. "MUHOSHIN, DIEEEE!" Happousai yelled. Suddenly, a ghostly snake-like red blast shot out towards someone in the balcony. Ranma felt sorry for whoever Happousai was mad at. When the little pervert was really ticked off he was nearly unbeatable. Ranma would normally not mind helping beat up the little pervert, but just for today,  
he was out with his wife and friends, and just wanted to enjoy himself. Akane stirred, yawning. She turned to Ranma. "Sorry I fell asleep again. Did I miss anything?" "Nothing much." Meanwhile, Happousai peeled himself off of the screen and rocketed towards the balcony.

Ryo was running for the doors. Whatever the hell that... that.. THING was that the old wretch shot forth scared the hell out of him. He could swear that he saw the image of the old man's face on it. Ryo knew trouble when he saw it and so he made a strategic retreat, with the "thing" close behind. "Gonna make it, gonna make it, gonna make it, gonn*ACK*" **BOOM**  
Ryo was flung out the door, through the wall, and out into the sidewalk. Outside, people were staring at the young man that had just crashed through the building and landed on the cement. Among the noise of the crowd people were yelling "hey, I think he's dead!", "somebody call an ambulance", and "damn martial artists." Finally he stirred. "OOOUCH!" he yelled. Ryo got up wearily, feeling not too well at all,  
and stumbled back towards his hotel in a daze. "Just KILL Ryouga and LEAVE this damned town. This place is bad for my health. ACK!" This new ACK was caused by a gymnastic ribbon, which suddenly wrapped itself around his neck. Ryo tried to undo the ribbon and breathe. Then he heard it. The most infamous laugh in Nerima. "Oh-hohohohoho! What was that you were saying? You, threatening my Ryouga darling? I think not." Ryo was looking up at a rather familiar looking girl. {Wait a minte,} he thougth to himself, {she was in the file... whatwasthatname... Kodachi Kunou. Hm, looks better in real life. But her and Ryouga? There's no explanation for bad taste.}  
"Excuse me," Ryo croaked, Kodachi's ribbon still wound around his neck,  
"I thought you were after a guy named Ranma?" Kodachi turned away, striking a dramatic pose, which allowed Ryo to loosen the ribbon. "Oh, but I do love Ranma. But also Ryouga. What's a girl to do? I shall have them both!" She turned dramatically towards her prey only to see empty space. Ryo was already running down the street at top speed. Ryo looked behind him to see if anyone was in pursuit. It looked like Kodachi wasn't going to bother chasing him. That was good. Then Happousai popped out of the Ryo-made hole in the theater building. That was bad. "I'm not finished yet!" Happousai yelled. Ryo ran through alleys and around corners furiously. He wasn't sure he could handle the troll from hell yet. "Damned pervert troll martial artist," he muttered.  
"Who's a pervert?" Happousai asked, suddenly next to him. "Uh-oh." "Here, junior, hold this." Ryo looked at what Happousai was holding out. It was a bomb. Immediately, he did the patented Martial Artist Super Jump (tm) away from Happousai, escaping from the explosion. "You die _now_. Twin Dragons is showing in an hour." He twirled his umbrella, which began to glow at it's curved handle. Happousai's eyes turned red again and he suddenly seemed to become gigantic, maybe seven feet in height. He charged at Ryo. Ryo once again leapt into the air, this time charging at Happousai,  
with his umbrella still twirling. At the peak of his jump, Ryo yelled "GouRygeki-Ken!" and dozens of boomerang shaped energy projectiles flew out in Happousai's general direction while others flew off-target severely. Trees were blasted, windows shattered, lamp posts destroyed,  
and a park bench was flung twenty feet before crashing into a wall, where it sprouted arms, legs, and the head of a blond girl and ran off. Happousai was trying to stand his ground, but the impact of dozens of blasts drove him to his knees and forced him into his normal tiny self. "How ironic," Ryo said, noticing (yes, while still in the air. After all, it was a Martial Artist Super Jump (TM)) where the chase had ended up bringing him. He was back by the bridge again. Ryo landed in front of the dazed pervert and poked him at a certain pressure point which severely dazed the already weakened Happousai. He started pounding on Happousai violently with ki-charged hatchet swings from his umbrella which buried Happousai deeper into the pavement with each hit. "Now old man, you die." Ryo grinned evily. He held Happousai down by stomping on the old man's body with his foot. Then he held the umbrella by the handle this time, aimed the pointed end at Happousai's head, and yelled "BAKUSAI-TEN-KETSU!" jabbing the old man's skull. *TAP*  
"Ouch!" Happousai yelled. "Eh?" Ryo blinked. This didn't seem right. From what he'd managed to observe during his brief spying of the Chinese Amazon tribes, that should've worked. It worked great on buildings and boulders, why not on mini-trolls? The old man's skull should be splattered all over the pavement, shouldn't it? He gave it one more try. "BAKUSAI-TEN-KETSU!" *TAP*  
"OUCH!" To hell with it. Time to stick with what was reliable. He held the tip, holding the umbrella like a golf club, reared back with the handle beginning to glow, and closed his eyes. The wooden handle glowed brighter, until it was almost blinding. Happousai finally regained some control of his motor skills and tried to squirm out from under Ryo's foot. Ryo opened his eyes and yelled "GEKIHOU!" slamming Happousai across town and leaving a big rip in the pavement. "I AM VICTORIOUS! HAHAHAHAHA!" he yelled triumphantly, just before the bomb that Happousai left behind exploded, flinging him high into the air and once again into the river.

Mousse was sitting idly on the roof, happy almost to the point of insanity. This was indeed a good day. There were signs of good tiding everywhere. The sun shone, the birds were chirping, a gentle breeze was blowing, and he just saw Happousai flying across the sky. Inside the Nekohanten, Cologne was digging through the ancient laws of the Amazons to find a way to cancel the marriage. Shampoo had reacted as badly as she thought she would. Now, what to do... a-ha. Here's something. Cologne hopped unto the roof, slightly dampening Mousse's good mood. "What do you want, you old mummy?" Mousse asked. "I have combed through the laws of our people and I have come to say you are indeed a rightfull groom to Shampoo." "I am _the_ rightfull groom to Shampoo." "You... you _and_ Ryouga." "Oh." He'd forgotten about that. Mouse wondered what happened when two people are engaged to the same woman.  
"You must defeat Ryouga before you can marry Shampoo. That isn't a problem, is it?" "Of course not!" Mousse was sure that he could work something out with Ryouga. After all, he certainly didn't want to be engaged to Shampoo. Cologne still wasn't sure how she would be able to use this to her advantage, but she was sure she'd think of something before their duel.

Happousai slammed into the pavement. Hard. The impact made a small crater. He slowly crawled out of it, pervert-power dragging him on. For anyone else, this would be a dire situation, but for Happousai, it was a momentary problem. He'd been beaten, battered, bruised, bludgeoned,  
tossed into a cave with dynamite, and had always come back for more. All he needed was one touch of that special silky feeling and all would be well, instantly.  
He thought about that new nuisance, Muhoshin. An interesting and amusing diversion. It just wasn't fun anymore going up against Ranma. Was it because his clashes with the future heir of the school of Anything Goes Martial Arts were becoming repetitive? Maybe. A part of him looked forward to abusing his new sparring partner, very much.

But until then, there were more immediate concerns."

"Massive... internal bleeding... broken bones... loosing consciousness... must... have... pantieeeeeeeees..." he wheezed. Suddenly, a bikini-clad green-haired girl _flew_ by. She had horns. Happousai thought he was finally going into shock. She flew around,  
looking about, and then flew _to_ him. Happousai smiled. He guessed she'd never heard of the infamous Happousai before. "Excuse me," she asked, "have you seen my Ataru around here?" "Ataru? Why I'M Ataru! C'mere, sweetums!" Amazingly, despite his massive internal injuries, he managed to leap up and glomped unto her chest. Happousai enjoyed himself as only a pervert of his status could. He felt the injuries slowly melt away, his life force building itself up slowly.  
"AAAAH! PERVERT!" She yelled, suddenly crackling with energy. She grabbed Happousai by the skull and pumped in ungodly amounts of electricity, frying off all his hair and killing off a few brain cells as well. He finally lost his grip and dropped to the floor, charred and sizzling. It was quickly followed by a severe malleting.  
Happousai struggled to get up, but fell on his back. He groaned, tried to get up once more, and then fell into unconsciousness.

[_Much_ Later]

Ryouga wandered the restaraunt, looking for the stairs to the attic. He was worn out from watching mass quantities of theatrical martial arts. It was amazing, he thought, how the roof of a building could shift itself in space and time. As he walked by the main room, he heard a sniffle, and then several more of them. He followed the sound to the window table,  
where Ukyou sat with a glass of water, looking depressed. He went to her. "Hey," he said, putting a hand on her shoulder. "YAAAAAAAH!" Ukyou whirled around and swung with her spatula instinctively.  
*THWAP*  
"Oooow!"  
"Oh, Ryouga! Sorry!" She helped Ryouga back to his feet and then sat back down. "Don't scare me like that, stupid." "Sorry." He sat down across from her and rubbed the sore spot on his face. "You okay?" Ryouga asked. "I'm the one that hit you, sugar," she said, amused.  
"No... I mean.. you know..."  
She sighed. "Hm. No. Not really. I guess what happened with Ranma back at the theater... I mean..."  
"Oh." said Ryouga. He wasn't good at this comforting-a-hurt-friend conversational kind of thing. "I thought... I thought that I was over it." "Need one?" asked Ryouga, offering a bandanna. "Thanks." Ukyou said quietly, taking the bandanna, wiping her eyes lightly and blowing her nose with it.  
"I... I know how you feel," said he. They sat there in silence, Ukyou sniffling once in a while, and Ryouga sitting there at a loss for words. "Well," he finally said, "get some rest, okay? Good night." Ryouga said,  
patting her on the back. Then he went off once more in his quest for the spacially displaced attic.

"G'night, Ryouga."

\- end part 7 -  



	9. Mousse Triumphant!

================== PART VIII Mousse Triumphant!  
==================

[Mid November: Monday Morning]

*RIIIING*RIIING*RIII-

"Hello?"  
=Hello, This is Ryo Muhoshin.= "Good morning, Mr. Muhoshin."  
=I called before... regarding information on certain persons who are in the Furinkan HS area... regarding Ryouga Hibiki in particular.= "Oh, yes, I remember you. It's been a while." =Your information... it was rather inaccurate.= "Pardon?"  
=Where to start... Ryouga Hibiki no longer resides at the Tendou dojo. Akane Tendou is engaged to some ridiculously overpowered martial artist.  
Nobody warned me about the little old perverted troll with a talent for bombs.= "Mr. Muhoshin." =What?= "You accusing me of something?" =Accuse is such a harsh word, but it seems that this misleading information...= "Mr. Muhoshin, I'd like to point out one thing. Exactly when did you acquire this information?" =A month ago, wasn't it?= "No." =No?= "No. A year ago. I've got the records to prove it." =You're bluffing.= "Remember who you're talking to." =Ah... aheh... oh. *CLICK*=

"Nabiki, time for breakfast. Oh, am I interrupting something?" Nabiki calmly put down the phone and headed out her door. "No. Just straightening out some business matters. C'mon Akane, let's eat. I'm starving."

Ryo sat on his bed, looking thoroughly embarrased. "Well," he said, gritting his teeth, "I feel stupid." The television, which was on the all-news network, was reporting on yet another report of rampaging pig attacks when Ryo shut it off, needing a bit of silence to deal with the humiliation that he felt. He felt entirely too embarrased to buy an update of the situation from his anonymous informant and decided to do some personal (and very careful) surveillance. Besides, he thought, it'd be good exercise.

"And she said WHAT!?" The lunch crowd in the okonomiyaki shop turned to look towards the afternoon entertainment, which was at the moment a surprised Ryouga. "Unfortunately so, Hibiki," Mousse said, looking grim.  
"Hmmm." Ryouga scratched his head. "Wait. This isn't a problem. I'll just throw the fight."  
"Yes! That's it!" said Mousse happily. "But we must make it look good! I want to impress my future bride." "Oh, of course, of course." Ryouga nodded solemnly. "And be sure to steer clear of Shampoo or the old ghoul before the fight. I have a feeling they're up to something." And with that warning,  
Mousse departed.

Genma and Soun were looking extremely happy as they sat at the dinner table. Ranma sensed something important had happened. "Hey, pop, something good happen?" "Yes, my son. Good fortune has smiled on this house at last." "That's right, Saotome!" Soun added. "What happened?" Ranma asked. "I'M SOOOO HAPPY!" Soun yelled, bursting into tears. "Ranma, my boy, you won't be seeing Happousai any time soon." "Hey, that's great! Did he finally move out?" "Nope. Massive internal injuries." "Say what?" "Every bone in his body was broken or cracked. He won't be able to leave the hospital for months, maybe years! MUHHAHAHAHA!" "But who did this? You know Happousai isn't easy to beat. If someone had beaten him up THAT badly..." "FOOLISH BOY! Never question good fortune!" Ranma resumed eating, thinking about the situation. Who could have beaten up Happousai THAT badly? Maybe Miss Hinako, but break every bone in his body? That wasn't like her. Cologne? Not her style either. Wait... the last time Ranma saw Happousai was at the movie theater. He was fighting someone, right? Ranma tried to remember what Happousai was yelling. {"MUHOSHIN, DIE!"}  
No way. Couldn't be. He musta been distracted by a bra or something.

Gosunkugi sat in his room, staring at a book his parents had bought him. He found himself doubting the sanity of his parents. The book was from an American author, and apparently popular enough to get translated and published for the Japanese market. Very slowly, he said the title.

"You're good enough, smart enough, and darn it, people like you: a twelve step program to enrich your life, by Stuart Smalley."

He shook his head in shame.

[Wednesday, Sunset]

In the same site where Ranma and Mousse first squared off, the showdown between Ryouga and Mousse was arranged. As before, there was a crowd. That was the great thing about this neighborhood: free entertainment like public martial arts fights happen often.  
Ryouga and Mousse were in opposite corners, trying to look serious about the fight. Ranma, Akane, and Ukyou were sitting in the front rows. Shampoo was nearby as well, holding a sign that said in large letters /SHAMPOO MARRY NOBODY!/ She wasn't happy with either choice. Akane and Ranma sat in the stands, side by side. Ukyou was by Ranma's other side, but felt uncomfortable. "Hey, Ukyou. Ryouga ever tell you why he's actin' so weird around me lately?"  
Ukyou herself had wanted to ask Ranma about this for some time. It seemed Ryouga was genuinely repulsed beyond normal when he was around Ranma. There was a chance that _maybe_ Ryouga was telling the truth. She had to know.  
"Um... be honest with me, Ranchan. Did you pull some sort of 'prank'  
on Ryouga recently? Did you do something... weird to him?" "Nope. And I'm being honest about this, really. I didn't do nothin' to Ryouga." "Good."  
"No... wait... there was that one thing I did..." He remembered that stunt when he tricked Kunou into beating up Ryouga. That one was a classic. Ranma smiled. Ukyou, for the first time, didn't like that smile. "What?" she asked. "Well, it was just a joke... but anyways, Ryouga got me kinda mad, so I wanted to get revenge, y'know? So I just changed into a girl and-"  
Ukyou's eyes went wide with shock. "You DIDN'T!"  
Ranma blinked, surprised by Ukyou's reaction. "Huh? What's the big deal? I just-" Before Ranma could finish his story, Ukyou gave him a massive hundred hand slap. "YOU PERVERT!" She left her seat and stood by Ryouga's corner, frowning. She couldn't believe it. Ranma _did_ make out with Ryouga. That was going just too far. That was... it was... _sick_. Ukyou couldn't believe that this was the man she was in love with.  
Meanwhile, Akane gave Ranma an angry glare. "What did you do now!?"  
she yelled loudly.  
"Nothing! I swear!"

"Hey, Mousse," Ryouga yelled, "ya ready to fight, eh?" He couldn't hold back a smile. "Yes. Indeed. I shall surely defeat you Hibiki." Mousse cracked a quick smile as well.  
Cologne entered the ring. "Come, both of you." The pair stepped to the center of the ring. Suddenly, Cologne poked Ryouga with her stick in several places. His eyes glazed over, as if he was in a trance.  
"What did you do to him, you old ghoul?"  
"Heheheh, just wanted to make sure Ryouga gave his all in this fight."  
She turned to Ryouga and pointed her staff at Mousse. "Maul."  
"RyougaAACK!" Mousse was interrupted by Ryouga's umbrella poke to the stomach. "Ryouga! Snap out of it! Ryouga!" Ryouga's eyes were blank,  
but he stepped stedily forward, tearing bandanas from his head.  
"What's that idiot doing?" Ranma muttered.  
"Hey! Ryouga!" Ukyou yelled. "So I've gotta do this the hard way?" Mousse took a step back. "FINE!" He stepped forward, a duck-shaped toilet trainer suddenly appearing in his hand and aimed at Ryouga's head. Ryouga smashed the trainer with a punch, jumped back, and threw a handful of bandanas at Mousse, who countered by slicing them all with metal claws that popped out of his sleeve. Ryouga opened his umbrella and flung it at Mousse, who dodged to the left and charged at Ryouga with a bonbori much like Shampoo's. Ryouga caught the weapon with one hand, but was still hit when the bonbori opened up on top to reveal a spring-loaded glove that rocketed forth to hit him in the nose. Mousse stepped back, not noticing that Ryouga's umbrella was coming back. It flew over Mousse, but the handle was flying low enough to hit Mousse in the back of the head. The amazon collapsed on the floor, stunned.  
"That idiot," sighed Ranma.  
"Ryouga you dummy!" yelled Ukyou.  
Cologne sprang up to the center of the ring, grinning in triumph, and said "It is official, Ryouga shall be Shampoo's br-"  
"IT'S NOT OVER!" Mousse rose up suddenly, although looking somewhat unstable. He whipped his arms forward, releasing an absurd amount of chains which wrapped themselved around Ryouga. Mousse slowly walked towards Ryouga, searching his robes for something. Cologne murmered to Ryouga "Akane hates you." Ryouga began to glow with a fiery aura. "You'll be alone for the rest of your accursed life." Ryouga's blank face became a snarl. "Ranma is _always_ going to be better than you." The fiery glow around Ryouga began to swirl.  
"Aw man, he's gonna do it," Ranma muttered. "Ryouga! C'mon, snap out of it! Don't do this! RYOUGA!" Mousse noticed Ryouga was glowing and knew the time to end this was near. "Whereisitwhereisitwhereisit... AH-HA!" Suddenly, he pulled out a gigantic mallet. Cologne looked up and it seemed to cover up the sun itself. It was a mighty mallet indeed. Mousse grunted with effort,  
lifted the Mighty Mallet up high, and ran towards Ryouga, screaming "MALLET OF JUSTICE STRIIIIIIIKE!" Cologne murmered one last thing to Ryouga, tipping him over the edge. "You're a pig."  
"SHISHI HOUKOU-DAN!" A blast of energy rushed from Ryouga's hands,  
striking Mousse, who was flung back, caught in the dead center of the blast. Meanwhile, Mousse's mallet was flung arching high, going towards Ryouga. Mousse was on his knees, trying to get up. Cologne stood at the center once more and said "Give up Mousse, you're beat*ACK*" Mousse looked up to see what could have interrupted Cologne. He smiled when he saw that the Mallet of Justice had not failed him. It had landed on Ryouga and Cologne both.  
Mousse jumped to his feet, triumph surging through him. "I'VE WON! I'VE WON! Witness the POWER of MY LOVE, SHAMPOO!" The mallet rolled off Ryouga's head, revealing a stunned Ryouga and a flat little ghoul. Meanwhile, Mousse was doing the Amazon Dance of Joy. Ryouga blinked, groggy and in a daze. "Wha... happa.. whoa..." Mousse stood triumphant. "I -WILL- MARRY SHAMPOO!" He quickly dodged a bonbori hurled by Shampoo from the stands.  
"Wait, Mousse, the fight isn't over." To everyone's surprise, Cologne was back up.  
"Oh yes it is. Look at him!" Mousse pointed to Ryouga, who, much to Mousse's surprise, was slowly getting up.  
"You see? He is not defeated yet." said Cologne. Ryouga, finally coming to his senses, realized the situation. "Huh? Oh... uh oh." He quickly fell on his back and tried his best to look knocked out. "Aw man, that's gotta be the _worst_ acting I have ever seen," Ranma said. The crowd murmered in agreement.  
"Shampoo no care. Shampoo no marry any of you!" "Get up you slacker," Cologne said, reaching over with her staff towards Ryouga, but he was quickly wrapped up in chains and tossed away by Mousse, who, in his rush to get Ryouga out of the situation, tossed him into the stands.  
"Ha! You cannot stop the power of my love! COME TO ME, SHAMPOO!"  
Mousse lept from the ring, full of bliss, and charged the now extremely upset amazon girl.  
"SHAMPOO NO MARRY YOU!" With that battle cry, she punted him into the sky.  
Cologne didn't notice Mousse's sudden departure and ranted on. "Just you wait, Mousse! I shall call the Amazon Law Council to settle this matter! The law is on my side!" Everyone was surprised at this outburst by Cologne. She'd rarely ever become hysterical before. "I will not have blind idiots tainting our family line!"  
"Geez, I guess she REALLY doesn't want Mousse as a son-in-law," Ranma murmered.

Meanwhile, the crowds in the stands slowly departed, Ryo Muhoshin being one with the crowds. Ryo had seen enough. That, in his opinion, really was terrible acting by Hibiki, enough to disgust even an amateur actor. He lept away, heading somewhere where he hoped to relax for a while.

As the crowds scattered, Ranma, Akane, Ukyou, Ryouga, Mousse, and Shampoo remained behind, silent and contemplative. Cologne had left with the rest of the crowd, having no desire to stay in a place of failure.  
Shampoo stood apart from the rest of them, her back turned away. Ranma leaned towards Ryouga. "Nice -ham- acting ya did back there,  
P-chan."  
Ryouga glared at Ranma. "Shut up, you."  
Meanwhile, Mousse reached a hand out to her shoulder.  
"Shampoo... my wife..."  
***WHAP***  
Everyone winced. That looked painful.  
"Stupid Mousse! Shampoo kill!"  
The next several minutes were spent trying to get Shampoo to release Mousse from her Amazon Death Choke.

\- end part 8-  



	10. Not Tea, and Not Sympathy

========================= PART IX Not Tea, and Not Sympathy =========================

Tea houses have a generally relaxing effect. They are a refuge from the daily grind of society, a haven from the stresses of life, a place to _relax_. Nerima's tea houses are greatly valued because these places are one of the few places where fighting just does _not_ occur. It's an unspoken rule that everyone obeys. After all, there has to be some place where one can negotiate a deal with enemies that would otherwise kill their adversaries on the spot?

Actually, there's one exception to this rule. The dojo of Martial Arts Tea Ceremony doubles as a tea house. At this place, fights often break out at least once a day. For this reason, that particular cafe is incredibly unpopular among the townfolk of Nerima, but does very well with tourists.

Everyone had gone their seperate ways after they managed to save Mousse from Shampoo. Being used to wandering off on his own, Ryouga did just that. Before the others realized it, he was gone from their view.  
He was lost. This wasn't new.  
He had less than 24 hours to find his way to Ucchan's, or at the very least, Furinkan High. Time limits and Hibiki navigational skills did not mix.  
Ryouga sighed in frustration as the evening shadows began to fall. He didn't want to think about how long he'd been lost this time. It was at this point that he found himself standing in front of a nondescript tea house of sorts. He had nothing better to do, and hoped that he would manage to get directions, so he went in.  
He entered and found it was what it appeared to be, a quiet, relaxing cafe filled with people. To his surprise, a waitress immediately went up to him.  
"The gentleman in that table is expecting you," she said, pointing to a table in the corner whose sole occupant was obscured by the newspaper he was reaeding. He followed her to the table and had a seat.  
"You... were expecting me?" asked Ryouga curiously.  
"You were standing in front of the store like an idiot, I guessed it was a matter of time until you came in. Have a seat, let's talk." The newspaper lowered. Ryo gave Ryouga a brief glance, then went back to reading.  
"You?!" Ryouga warily looked at the Gosunkugi lookalike. "What do _you_ want?" "Ah. That would be telling."  
"What do you mean?"  
"Shush, Hibiki. Now is not the time for loud confrontations. I'll probably tell you anyways a little later."  
"Then why are we here?"  
"Don't play games with me, idiot. I know you were following me."  
"I was not!"  
"Oh? Then why are you here?"  
"I was lost!"  
"What a coincidence that we meet here," said Ryo sarcastically. As a waitress passed by, he asked her to bring something over. "The house special for my companion here," he said.  
"Buying me a drink?" wondered Ryouga suspiciously. "How generous of you."  
"Come now, you think I'd start something in a tea house?" It was rather... modern for a tea house, but it met all the minimum requirements,  
and as such, was supposed to be a no-violence zone.  
Ryouga shrugged. "Hey, why are you after me, anyways?"  
Ryo narrowed his eyes. He didn't care to bring past embarrasments to light. "You offended some of our sensei." It was the truth... part of the truth, anyways. He'd like to kill Ryouga even without the sensei sending him to do it. "But what did I do?!" asked Ryouga.  
Ryo shrugged. "I care not."  
"I do," said Ryouga. "This needs to stop."  
"Feh."  
They sat there in silence, for a brief moment. Ryo sipping his tea and reading through the paper, Ryouga wondering why he was staying there at all. Ryo sighed. Ryouga's presence was getting irritating, especially when Hibiki was just sitting there doing nothing. "Here," said Ryo, holding out a pamphlet of some sort.  
"Hm?" wondered Ryouga "It's the menu. Look at it."  
"What? Why?" asked Ryouga crossly.  
"We," said Ryo, "are in an establishment of respectability. One does not wish to be seated by a person looking about aimlessly as if he were an idiot. Read the menu, will you? It looks far better than that blank stare on your face."  
"Shut up," mumbled Ryouga, looking at the menu already.  
"Hey," said Ryouga.  
"Hm?"  
"Where'd you learn the breaking point technique?" he wondered. He'd seen Ryo use it before, and the only other person he knew that practiced that technique was Cologne. What that meant, exactly, he did not know.  
"I was hunting after _you_" he said, "and was in China, when..."

"...where the hell am I now?" muttered Ryo, trecking through the vast wilderness of China. He knew that this area was on Ryouga's list of places to visit, although narrowing down the list to a few towns would have been nice. Thus far, he'd traveled to a few small villages, passed by an interesting, rather scenic place with many springs and bamboo poles,  
but had yet to catch up with him. "Should've taken another year off," he muttered, slashing through the underbrush.  
Suddenly, a thunderous boom echoed through the forest. Ryo crouched down low, watching for an attack. When nothing happened, he advanced slowly towards where the sound came from. More explosions rocked the earth, and as he peered from behind some foliage, he saw why.

Suspended by ropes from several trees were several young women. They all had one hand tied behind their backs. He observed, quietly, sensing something incredible was about to happen.  
From furthere in the trees, boulders on ropes swung towards them.  
Unfazed, they looked right at the boulders, rearing one arm back and preparing to strike.  
{What are they...} wondered Ryo.  
Suddenly, several of the boulders shattered and exploded into shrapnel and dust. Several other boulders merely struck the women, sending them flying backwards in much pain. Ryo ignored them, more fascinated by the talent that they had just shown. {Is this a technique I can learn?} he wondered, while also entertaining the potential of such an attack. The blast seemed very violent, and sent jagged debris flying everywhere.  
{As potent as a fragmentation grenade. And... and the damage it could do when DONE to a human body! This, I must learn.}

And so, for the next few days, he watched, and listened, and analyzed.  
When the training grounds were empty, he'd climbed up and attempted to train himself, hanging from the ropes while pushing the boulder back as far as possible. When they left no boulders hanging, he practiced on the ones left on the forest's floor. This way was actually the one he preferred, but he realized there must be some merrit in how the amazons trained in the technique, so he kept to practicing by suspended boulder propelled at himself whenever he could. Days turned to weeks, and weeks into a few months...

"... and so, eventually, after... oh... many bruises, many countless bruises, I figured it out. It's a really versatile technique, you know. Once you learn it, no prison can hold you and no man dares take you on unless they're wearing armor... or have incredible endurance."

The waitress came in with their drinks, contained in black coffee mugs. Ryouga ignored the drink, finding himself engrossed by the menu selection.

"So you weren't properly trained to use the bakusai-ten-ketsu."  
"No... I'll admit the debris that flies around is annoying, but after a while in practice it ceased becoming bothersome."  
Ryouga was considering what this meant. Ryo had boosted toughness as well, since the exploding debris no longer hurt him, BUT his training certainly wasn't as rigorous. Ryouga still had the superior endurance,  
but Ryo must have endurance at least as tough as Ranma's.  
"That technique," Ryo said, looking thoguthfully at his glass, "it is great for getaways... but for some reason it didn't work when I tried to kill Happousai."  
"So it is true. You did take on Happousai." Ryo nodded. "Tough little bastard." He sighed, in a way that said he was bored with life and was going to entertain himself in a way that would make Other People uncomfortable. "Anyways, there he was stunned at my feet, and I decided I wanted to scatter his brains across the pavement."  
He took a sip of his drink, then continued, "and so, I yell out 'BAKUSAITENKETSU!', jab the runt in the head, and nothing happens."  
"The bakusai ten-ketsu doesn't work on living things. It only works on rocks."  
"Is that so?" Ryo frowned and took another sip of his drink.  
"That's... dissapointing."  
They sat there, Ryo very relaxed and Ryouga looking somewhat tense,  
although trying to blend in anyways. Ryo felt that maybe Ryouga had a point about getting things over with. After all, Ryouga was the last name on his target list. And after Ryouga? Maybe another vacation.  
"So you prefer an official challange? Hmm..." Ryo finished the last of his drink, slammed it down on the table dramatically, then pointed at Ryouga dramatically. "I officially challange you at the last day of the month, in the evening, seven, at the bridge where we first fought. Sound good?" "Fine." Ryouga then looked thoughtful for a moment (something a little alien to anyone that knew him for a long time) then turned to Ryo with his finger pointed dramatically. "But no more kidnapping, got it?" "Pardon?"  
"You'll leave me and my friends alone."  
Ryo frowned. "Bah, you stick in the mud. You have no sense of adventure." He flipped to the front section of the paper and noticed a strange headline. [RAMPAGING PIG STRIKES AGAIN] Ryo paused a moment,  
thinking, then said "It's a deal." He didn't mind accepting the offer.  
After all, finding ways around the rules was a very entertaining thing to do as well.  
Ryouga picked up his mug and drank. In a mild hurry to leave Ryo's presence, he drank the contents quickly in one gulp. Then he coughed slightly.  
Ryo took a small moment to grin. "Enjoy the drink?"  
Ryouga coughed repeatedly, a frown on his face. "What was _that_?"  
"House special. Don't drive home. Ja ne, lost boy."  
"You mean... it had alcohol?"  
"You shouldn't drink so fast. Now get thee home, our business is done."  
Ryouga, realizing that there was nothing else to be achieved by staying there, left quietly and walked into the quickly darkening streets. He fought the ever-increasing buzz that he was feeling in his head, but feared that in the end, he'd lose his focus. This was the last thing he needed... Ryo would pay for this.

[A little later]

Ryo looked through his somewhat out-of-date information on the people in this area. He flipped through them until he came to one in particular. [Tatewaki Kunou. Age 18. Fairly skilled with swords-type weaponry. Obsessed with Akane Tendou and anonymous Pig-Tailed Girl. Large ego. Idiot.]

"Hm..."

A FEW MINUTES LATER...

*DING*DONG*

Sasuke opened the doors to the Kunou estate, revealing a person in a suit and holding an umbrella. {Damn salesmen} he thought to himself. "We don't want any!" Sasuke said, slamming the door. "OPEN THE DOOR!"  
"Sasuke! Who dares make such noise at this late hour!" Kunou had awoken, and he was very much irritated. "I HAVE NEWS OF YOUR MUCH BELOVED PIG-TAILED GODESS!" "Sasuke, open the door." The door opened and Ryo quickly strode in, only to run into a bokken aimed at his throat. "Gosunkugi? Why do you disturb the house of Kunou at this late hour?!"  
said Kunou.  
Ryo winced once more, hearing himself labeled 'Gosunkugi'.. This threw him off. He was hoping to be a total stranger to Kunou. The plan would work better if he was. But then there's this 'Gosunkugi' thing... "Ah... Master Kunou!" Ryo said, getting to his knees. He didn't like kneeling before anyone, but according to the file, Gosunkugi wasn't much at all, so kneeling would probably be in character. "I have news to report! The villian Hibiki has taken the pig-tailed girl!" "WHAT! THAT INFIDEL!" Kuno was about to rush off, then paused in a rare moment of thought. He looked at Ryo suspiciously. "But why does this concern you, mage?"  
Ryo made a wild guess. He hoped that it was right. "Er... have I not helped you before in the past?" said Ryo hopefully. "Hm... indeed you have." said Kunou. "And knowing that you are _such_ a mighty warrior, I had sought out your assistance in this matter. Are you not the *great* Tatewaki Kunou?" "Indeed I am!" "You can still catch Hibiki now! He's somewhere near the New Hamma Tea Shop."  
"VERY WELL THEN! I AM OFF!" Kunou stomped away into the night. {How gullable.} Ryo smiled. Yes, he would face Hibiki at the month's end, and yes he did promise to take no more hostages or to no longer ambush Ryouga, but he didn't say anything about _other_ people ambushing him.

Just then, a sinister laughing began. It wasn't his. This wasn't fitting with his view of the natural order of things.

"Oh-hohohohoho. Who do we have here? Aren't you Gosunkugi?" Ryo turned around. Kodachi stood there in a nightgown, twirling her ribbon. Ryo blinked. He stared. The nightgown didn't leave much to the imagination, but it certainly helped Ryo imagine some interesting recreational activities. An alarming amount of lust revved up in his mind. He also found himself nearly paralyzed. Was it fear, he wondered?  
Lust? Or that odd smell coming from those roses?

Ryouga discovered something amazing about himself. When he was drunk,  
his sense of direction cleared up sharply. There were two reasons he didn't notice this before and will never remember it. When he was in his depressed drunk state during those days after Akane and Ranma became on official couple, he wasn't trying to go anywhere in particular, except for away from the Tendou residence. The reason he probably won't keep this possibly vital bit of information in his memory is because being drunk tends to fry some brain cells, and particularly those that contain interesting bits of information. Tonight, he was heading back to Ucchan's. Ryouga stumbled down the street, feeling very pleased with himself. Hey, the world was a cool place, yes? Wow, he felt great! To his great surprise, he didn't feel a thing when Kunou showed up and hit him multiple times with his stick. Kunou even broke his bokken while hitting Ryouga in the head, but still no pain. Ryouga grunted, slugged Kunou into a brick wall and went on his way. He stumbled through the doorway of Ucchan's and announced his presence. "I'm hooome!"  
The few customers within glanced at this rather drunk figure. Ukyou was thoroughly embarrased. She quickly grabbed Ryouga's hand and dragged him to the attic. "Dammit, Ryouga, you've been drinking again!" She looked over the many cuts and bruises he sported." "Have nooot! Just had o*hic*one drink!" "Aarrgh. Look, just stay over here and sober up, okay? I've gotta manage the resteraunt."  
"O-kaaaay!" Ryouga said, grinning like an idiot. He ploped down to the floor and sat, feeling rather happy-happy with the world in general.  
He was back at Ucchan's, what was there not to be happy about?

-end part 9-  



	11. Visits, but No Revelations

========================== PART X Visits, but No Revelations ==========================

In a darkly lit room, deep in a sub-basement, an elevator opened. Three figures, two of which were in white uniforms, stepped out. They walked over to a corridor blocked by a gate. One man showed his ID badge to a camera nearby and the gate opened. The trio walked down the corridor. Large, very solid steel doors lined the hallway. Behind each door one could hear the mumblings of madness and the screaming of psychopaths. The trio came to the end of the hall. They stood before an especially large iron door, adorned with religious symbols and charms. To the left,  
a card reader hung. One of the men in uniform slid his card through, and the door opened. They entered the room and the door closed behind them. The room was a fairly large square one, roughly 80 feet in every dimension. The room was brightly lit, revealing alot of medical equipment, monitors, wires, and cameras. In the center of all this mess was a bed attached to many gears,  
wheels, and wires. The occupant was wrapped up in hard casts covering his entire body and most of his face. A bronze grill plate covered his mouth. His eyes were left uncovered. Chains were wrapped around the figure,  
securing him to the table. Ki-dampeners were also there, throbbing steadily. The managers of this place had apparently known who they were dealing with. They seemed to take every precaution to make sure this man didn't rampage. "Vissssssitooorsss?" The figure hissed. "Yeah," one of the uniformed men said, "and don't try anything funny." The bed whirred as it was raised to a 45 degree angle. "Whooooooo?" "Happousai, it's me, Ranma."  
"Raaaaanmaaa, sssssooo niiiice tooo heeeaar frooom youuu." "Oh, this is classic," Ranma said. He took out the camera he had borrowed from Nabiki and took several photographs. "Youuu liiitle iiiingraate." "Listen, Happousai, I need to know-"  
"Paaaaaantiiiiieeees." "What?" "Iiii caan smeelll theem. Muusst haavvve paaaaaaaaantiiiiiieeees." "I need you to tell me what happened to you." "Muuuuust haaaaave paaantieeees." Ranma sighed. It seemed that Happousai's lechery came through no matter how badly he was banged up. "Answer my questions, and I'll bring you some, okay?" Happousai's eyes narrowed. "Asssk." "Did Ryo Muhoshin do this to you?" Happousai's eyes flared slightly at the mention of that name. "Yesssss." "He didn't just get a lucky hit in while you were stupidly distracted by underwear, did he?" "Noo." Happousai replied. Then, he stared intensely at Ranma. "Youu mussst deeeefeeeaaat Muuhossshin... deffend honnnor off Annythiing Goooessss... err... musssst haaave paaaaaantiiieeeesss." Ranma stood up, turned around, and walked towards the door, accompanied by the two men in white medical outfits. "Waaaaaiiiit! Wheere'ss myy PAAAANTIIIIEEEESS?" "Sorry, old man. I lied." "RAANNMMAAAA!" Happousai screamed. He flared with ki-power, and the ki-dampeners struggled to neutralize this display of power. The chains rattled and shook as he tried to escape from their grip. The trio quickly left the room and entered the elevator. "RRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAA!" Happousai roared, struggling against his restraints. The yell was heard even in the elevator. Then, having spent the last of his stored up energy on that failed attempt to escape, Happousai passed out. Ranma turned to one of the hospital staff and asked, "How badly injured was he when he got here?" "Oh, he had plenty of injuries. His ribcage was shattered, his backbone was a mess, he had two bruises on his head, and he had electrical burns too. "Can I have a copy of the medical report?" "Just ask the front desk."

Kodachi twirled her ribbon, laughing a little bit. She adjusted her nightgown. "Well, Mister Muhoshin, I must admit, you give a girl a good workout."  
she said, grinning wickedly. "After all our activity, I feel so...  
satisfied." She leaned against the wall, stretched her arms back and put them behind her head. Ryo mumbled weakly, struggling to get off the floor. "You lasted much longer than I thought you could, and certainly longer than anyone else I've ever done this with. Your endurance is amazing." "Thankyahhargh." Ryo mumbled. "I must thank you for a most entertaining evening, but now I'm afraid you've just got to leave. Goodbye." She wrapped up Ryo with her ribbon and flung him out the door. Ryo slowly got up and limped down the street, using his umbrella as a walking stick. He was scratched up, bruised, whipped, and generally not feeling well. That Kodachi girl turned out to be quite the violent type. He felt he _should_ have been able to get away from that situation...  
but... but... whenever scantily clad, rather seductive women came his way,  
he admitted to himself, he did fall apart.

Ukyou got her medical kit and returned to the attic to check on Ryouga. Unfortunately, Ryouga was in that stage of post-drunkeness where he was once again depressed. He was lying on the floor looking miserable. "Why coooouldn't I tell her, huh? I *hic* jus din't have th'guts *hic*  
thaz what!" He sat there on the floor, looking glum. Ukyou kneeled before Ryouga. "How'd you get these cuts and bruises, sugar?"  
"Ku- *hic* Kunou showed up. Hit me lots an lots an lotsa times. Funny, though, din't feel ah thing." "Oh Ryouga, why'd you have to get drunk? You idiot."  
"Iuh... I know, Ryoooouga th'wimp. Spineless. Right. If ah haaad any guh... guh.. guts, Ida gone riiight up to Akane, yessir." "Come on, Ryouga, stop torturing yourself." She held an alcoholic rub and started cleaning up his cuts, beginning with the cuts on his face. She waited for the customary yelp of pain that happens whenever someone's cuts get treated with alcohol but to her surprise he didn't flinch. "Ida gone up to her... an... oh Akane..." He said, suddenly sitting upright and grabbing, Ukyou by the shoulders. "Ryouga! What are you doing!" "Akane, lissen up. I luv you!"  
"Hey!" Ukyou yelled. She was taken entirely by surprised when Ryouga zoomed up to her face and gave her a full-blown kiss on the lips. "Yezzir, jus like that. Tha's wha I shoulda done." Ryouga said, as he let her go. "Ryouga... you... you..." "Hey, yu arn't Akane! Oh well, wasstill a good kiss, wadn't it? I *hic* mean, Iuh don' ged much practissse." A multitude of emotions crossed Ukyou's face. First shock, then sadness, followed by anger, and topped off by violent fury. "You... you... YOU JACKASS!" She yelled, hammering him with the hundred hand slap. Then she reared back, took aim, and yelled "MEGATON PUNCH!" Spittle and blood went flying as Ukyou connected with a mean right uppercut. Ryouga passed out immediately.  
Fuming mad, Ukyou stomped back down to the resteraunt, leaving Ryouga to sleep the dreamless (and bruised) sleep.

[Mid-November: Thursday Morning]

Ryouga woke up very slowly. Even though his eyes were closed, it seemed really, really bright. He could hear the breeze blowing outside,  
the people walking by, the blood flowing through his head... his head...  
His head felt like it was going to explode.  
Ryouga knew this feeling, although he hadn't had one in a long time. This was a hangover. "WAAAAAKE UUUUUP!" The wakeup yell rattled deep into his soul, echoed in his head, and made his headache fundamentally worse. He yelled in surprise and thus boosted his headache even further.  
"Rggarargh" he grumbled. Then, his eyes bolted open, he covered his mouth, and he ran for the sink.  
*BLEEEAACH*  
"Here," Ukyou said, whapping his face with a towel. He was feeling too ill to take offense. Ryouga splashed water on his face, dried himself off, and sat back down on the floor. Then his body decided to give to his brain the current status report. He felt cuts, bruises, a sore jaw, and a massive headace. Also, the world wouldn't stop spinning. "Ouch. What happened to me." He closed his eyes. "You came home drunk last night." "And you beat me up again?" he wondered.  
*WHAP* "Ya mean like this?"  
"Ow..."  
"Think before you talk, you jackass."  
"Sorry, sorry, owww."  
"And no, I didn't hit you. Kunou did that, or so you said." "Oh." Ryouga searched his brain for this information, but it had been trashed as part of a massive alcohol induced power-surge. "But if you ever do this again, I'm gonna kill you." Ryouga opened his eyes to look at Ukyou. {Uh-oh, she looks mad. Almost as mad as Akane used to be at Ranma...} Ryouga closed his eyes again. "Um... did I do... anything stupid yesterday?" "You don't remember?" "Not really." Ukyou thought over what she would say next, tapping her chin, with her face held in a frown. "Let's just keep it that way. C'mon, we'll be late for school."

Mousse was feeling good. He had his legal arguements and precedents all layed out. He was ready to finally defeat Cologne in the Amazon Legal Council hearing. The council was due to arrive at any moment. The main thing was, for once, _he_ was on the winning side of things.  
This was, of course, something very new to him.  
Shampoo and Cologne waited behind the counter. Mousse examined Cologne and was dissapointed to see that she displayed an air of confidence. Did she have a plan? He wondered. The front door opened. "Ah, welcome! How was the trip?" asked Cologne. Mousse looked on in shock and horror as the council entered. That old feeling, the feeling of being on the loosing side of matters, was all coming back to him, like an old friend that just won't go away when you want him to. Definitely a curse, but oddly enough, somewhat comforting.  
At least, he thought, he was in familiar territory again.

Gosunkugi was walking home in a dark mood. He had finally heard of the news about Akane, which left him feeling a little lonelier than usual. He didn't have the strength to fight on after that bit of news. Akane made her choice, right? Gosunkugi wasn't really a fighter. He wasn't much of a lover either. He was... a magician... of sorts... well, not quite. At the very least, it showed that the guiding forces of the universe had a cruel sense of humor sometimes. All of his attempts at magic had,  
sometimes brutally, backfired. Couldn't win by might or by smarts, or even magic.  
Time to look elsewhere. In fact, he felt like it was time for a lifestyle change. He decided to try those self-help books his mother kept on pushing on to him. It couldn't hurt to try, right? Suddenly he was hit in the back of the head. He turned around to see who was picking on him this time and his jaw dropped when he saw two girls. One was young, maybe 12 years old, had long brown hair, in a t-shirt and jeans, and was weilding a twin set of metal combs. The other seemed to be about Akane's age, with very short tomboyish black hair, a white long-sleeved shirt, and pin-stripe slacks. She was wielding a metallic yo-yo, slinging it up and down. Her earrings resembled yo-yos too.  
"Well, there you are." the older one said.  
"Um..." Gosunkugi never was good with girls. "You're not wearing your suit," the other one observed curiously.  
"Well..." Gosunkugi stammered. "Don't worry. Didn't like it anyways." the younger girl said. "C'mon, you still owe me lunch." the older one said. "You... wanna date?" Goskunkugi asked. *WHAP* "I'm your sister, you idiot." "Ew, Ryo's a pervert!" the younger one teased.  
"I'm not Ryo!" Goskunkugi said, feeling it was time to get things straightened out. "Who are you two?" "C'mon, Ryo, stop acting weird." the younger one said. "Yeah," Ryoko said, "we were swinginng by to see if you... well..."  
"I'm telling you, y-you've got the wrong guy!" "Oh? Well... take this!" she yelled, and sent the yo-yo towards Gosunkugi. It slammed into his face, knocking him out cold, and whizzed back into Ryouko's hand. She blinked, looking genuinely surprised.  
"How odd, Ryo would never let himself get hit by that," said Ryoko. "Take out his wallet. I want to check something." Kyoko took Gosunkugi's wallet out and handed it to Ryoko. "Hey, he isn't Ryo after all. But he's got some cash. C'mon, let's get some lunch." said Ryoko.

The school day was a tense one for Ryouga. He felt scared of Ukyou every time she guided him to his next class. Now and then he'd take a glance at her and it seemed like she was... upset, unhappy, uneasy about something. When she caught him glancing at her, she gave him the coldest glare in the universe.

The school day finished and they went back to Ucchan's, this time with Akane. She went there for cooking tips whenever Kasumi was too busy, like today. When they got back, Ryouga immediately excused himself and tried to find his way to the area behind the store so that he could practice some of his martial arts. Ukyou and Akane headed to the grill to cook. Ukyou's angry glances at Ryouga didn't escape Akane's notice. "Ukyou, did he do something?" "Eh?" Ukyou seemed distracted. "Ryouga, I mean. It's obvious you're mad at him about something." Ukyou got angry. "He got drunk again, that's what happened." "No!" "Yup. He stumbled in here like an idiot, bothered the customers...  
and..." Ukyou's face softened slightly. "And what?" "Ryouga... he... the idiot kissed me."

Ryouga didn't make it to the back lot. He did wander near to where the girls were talking. He also accidentally heard the whole conversation. He slowly turned around and made a quiet and desperate attempt to find the back door.

"Oh," Akane said, "this is a bad thing?" "I think. Maybe. I don't know." Ukyou replied, looking a bit flustered and irritated.  
"Well. Er. That's..." She wasn't sure how to handle this topic so she employed the Tendo School of Anything Goes Conversation secret technique: quickly change the topic. "Anyways, Happousai's been hospitalized." "I know, Ranma told me that Ryo guy beat him up." "Yeah, pretty badly too."  
"Doesn't that old lech get beat up regularly?"  
"Well, yes. That's true. Although we never hospitalilzed him before."  
Akane tapped her chin in thought. "Well, then again, he always got a hold of some undergarments right after he got hurt."  
"Yeah, well... that's true."  
The two girls stood there, Ukyou grilling, Akane watching, neither really concentrating on anything. For some reason that both couldn't explain, it was just one of those awkward moments. Ukyou tried to think of something to day, anything, and thought to ask 'how was Ranma?' That reminded her of one other problem...  
"Akane, you're _sure_ Ranchan hasn't been acting strange lately, or maybe hit his head again?" "No, he seems just fine to me."  
Ukyou didn't know what to expect from Akane once she was told. This would have to be phrased delicately. "Well... I guess you should know since... you're his... Akane... it's just that a while back... Ranma was..."

Ryouga had finally made it to the back lot and was doing some practice swings and punches and other various attacks. Then he was take by surprise by a really loud yell from inside the resteraunt.

"THAT PERVERT!"

Ryouga stumbled. He stood straight up. His eyes widened and he began to sweat. {Oh no, that was Akane! What did Ukyou tell her? What else did I do last night? I didn't... no way! Now Akane thinks I'm some kind of pervert too!}

[Later...]

=Nekohanten, may I help you?= "Hey, Mousse, it's me, Ryouga." =Oh. Listen, could you call back? I'm kinda busy right now. The Amazon Legal Council just flew in and we're into the opening arguements. And to make things worse, they're all members of her family. It isn't fair!= "Just a quick question. You busy at the end of the month?" =Yes, we should be at our closing arguements by then. Sorry.= "Oh. Never mind. Good luck." *Click*

Ryouga was hoping that Mousse could guide him back to the appointed location for the fight, but it looked like that was a no-go. He also realized a big flaw in that plan: Mousse didn't know where the bridge was either. It looked like he'd have to ask Ukyou.

Gosunkugi was having just the strangest day. He silently declared that he would never _ever_ understand women. Then he adjusted the icepack on his forehead. He was walking home and was turning the corner when he bumped into those thugs that usually beat him up and take his lunch money. Gosunkugi froze in place. The thugs froze in place. Everyone started to sweat. Gosunkugi very slowly took a step back.  
With a blood-curling scream, both parties ran away from each other.

Akane was walking home from Ucchan's, done with another day of lessons.  
The curry had finally progressed into something with no flavor at all, and the caesar salad was looking a little less like mulch. Progress, in general, was good.  
She was idly thinking of her achievements when her attention was turned to sounds of combat nearby. She went over to the source of the noise,  
which was an empty lot with a few trees and an enraged Mousse. Akane stayed hidden and decided to see what Mousse was doing.  
"DAMN OLD GHOULS!" Mousse yelled to the sky. He whipped out a chicken and instead of using it to hatch exploding eggs, he flung the surprised fowl at a tree. It exploded, leaving behind a cloud of feathers. "Everyone's getting in my way. It's always something...  
always!" Akane felt sorry for Mousse. He was, in her opinion, not really a bad guy. Sure, he'd kidnapped her once and threatened to turn her into a duck, but once he settled down in Nerima and she got to know him better,  
Akane realized that he wasn't such a bad guy. Just a lovesick, desperate martial artist, he was. Put into that context, he was a perfect fit for Nerima.  
She was about to go comfort him when he began ranting again. "My main rival to her heart turns his back and she still won't accept me! I've beaten her in combat, and yet it isn't enough!" He pulled a toilet trainer duck from his sleeve and angrily threw it at a wall nearby, where it shattered. "The members of the legal council ARE ALL COLOGNE'S SISTERS! DAMN THAT OLD GHOUL!" He whipped out blades and made a pin-cushion of a nearby boulder.  
She was really worried now. Mousse was starting to sound deranged. "Maybe I can convince Muhoshin to kill Cologne," mused Mousse. "He did so well against Happosai, after all."  
Akane frowned. That... that was desperate.  
"And if she still won't accept me after that... after all that I've done... well I'll use the passion spice!" Yes, Mousse was sounding really desperate now.  
"After all, it worked so well when I used it on Ranma and Akane, and they didn't even notice. They're even getting married. Why shouldn't it work as well on Shampoo?" Mousse sat on the ground and closed his eyes, practicing a breathing technique for relaxing. No sense in ranting like a lunatic, that was too much of a Kuno-type approach. Meanwhile, a few feet away, Akane slowly,  
silently, and sadly walked away.

[Thursday night]

Ryouga felt he needed to know more about his adversary, so he asked Ukyou to bring him to the one person in town that seemed to know a little about everything. After all, this sort of thing always worked for Ranma,  
right?  
"Hello son-in-law. What brings you here?" "I am not your son-in-law." "Whatever. You'll owe me for this sometime, boy." "You sound like Nabiki." Cologne frowned. "No need to be insulting." "Sorry. Tell me, have you ever heard of the Unorthodox Weaponry School of Martial Arts?" Cologne inhaled from her pipe, blew, and began to speak. "Ah, yes, the Unorthodox Weaponry School of Martial Arts. It is a very old school indeed, centuries old. At one point, long ago, its base of operations was in this town for several years and its influence can be seen in many of this city's martial artists today. I think you've seen the people I am referring to." Ryouga and Ukyou nodded in comprehension. That would explain all the bizarre styles of martial arts that had been appearing, such as martial arts takeout delivery, martial arts tea-ceremony, rhythmic gymnastics martial arts, and the bizarre signboard martial arts that the Dojo destroyer used. Ukyou wondered if her own family was influenced by this school. "Originally," Cologne continued, "the school served to train guardians of royalty and important members of govornment. You see, sometimes,  
assassins resorted to attacking their targets at the most awkward or inconvenient places or times, such as tea ceremonies, or catching them in the middle of a raging storm, or even attacking them as they play with their children. Thus, a group of men trained so that they could fight no matter what circumstances they found themselves caught in. Thus began the school. As time passed, the various sub-schools branched off and soon severed their connections to the main branch. Those that remained were considered too ridiculous by many and so the school was slowly forgotten. Apparently it still exists today."  
"That school and the Amazon tribe had, in the past, some points of dispute. They had claimed to be the inventors of the Xi Fa Xiang Gao technique..." She noticed Ryouga's blank stare. "...The technique that I believe Shampoo once used on Akane to make her forget Ranma..." Ryouga finally 'oh'ed and Cologne continued, " when it is so obvious that we had created it. They lie and take credit for many of our techniques."  
"So... there was a fight to settle this?" asked Ukyou.  
"Yes, but everyone involved forgot the results," mused Cologne. "I wonder why. Anyways, the current situation is of mutual non-recognition."  
"Non-recognition?" asked Ryouga.  
"We ignore them, they ignore us. Although if one of their number should ever wander into the Amazon Village, they would be most unwelcome."  
"Oh... I see," said Ryouga.  
"Anything else, sonny boy?" asked Cologne.  
"I need to know about some attacks that I've seen used. Do you know anything about an attack called the Ryugeki-ken?" Ryouga asked. "Well..." Cologne looked deep in thought. "No. Never heard of it." "No?" "Sorry, sonny boy." "Er... What about the gekihou?" Ryouga asked. "Can't say that I have, no." Ryouga was stunned. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. After all, with RANMA, she always had answers.  
"Is there anything else you could tell me that could help me beat him?" "Well... tell me, how did he execute these moves?" "What?" "Did he do a motion with his hands? Did he yell out the name?" "Well, he did them with his umbrella." "Did you see him execute any moves without the umbrella?" asked Cologne.  
"Well... no." "Bah, the solution is obvious. I strongly believe that your enemy is quite useless without his umbrella. After all, the Unorthodox Weaponry School concentrates on _armed_ combat, does it not? Disarm him, and your enemy shall probably be greatly hindered." "By the way," Ryouga said, "he knocked Akane out by poking her around this spot." He pointed to the spot. "That?" Cologne asked. "A temporary stun pressure point. If your fighting spirits are up, then this point will be useless against you. It works only as a surprise tactic during non-combat situations." "Really?" asked Ryouga. Mousse walked by, carrying some supplies. Cologne poked him at the spot and he promptly collapsed on the floor. "There. You see?" she said. The others blinked in surprise.  
"That was kinda mean, wasn't it?" asked Ukyou.  
"Oh no, he's used to this sort of thing. Hey, slacker! Wake up!"  
Cologne prodded the unconscious Mousse with her stick. He stirred, got up, scowled, then stomped to the back room muttering something about dried up old monkeys...

-end part 10-

extra:

the title is a tip o'the hat to David Bateson's "Visits &amp; Revelations"  



	12. Clash of the Umbrella Kings

============================ PART XI Clash of the umbrella kings!  
============================

There are moments in time, vital moments, turning points, if you will.  
Some call it branches in destiny, others view it as a pair of trousers in time (start at one point, but with two pathways to... well... you get the idea, right?)

Today was one of these days.

For example, let's call this, the right trouser leg of time...

[November's End]

"Ukyou? Where are you?" said Ryouga, as he was wandering hopelessly lost in the main room of the restaurant. "I'm in the backroom!" Ukyou yelled. Ryouga turned to the direction from which her voice came. He checked his compass. {Okay, if I keep on walking in this general direction...}  
Four minutes later (a rather good time by Hibiki standards) Ryouga made it there.  
Ukyou was in the storage room, standing on a small stepladder arranging the contents on a high shelf. "Hey there," he sheepishly said. "What?" she replied, flatly. "Well, um, first of all, I'm really sorry if I did anything to make you mad last night. I mean it. If... if you wanna throw me out, I'd understand."  
Ukyou looked surprised at this. "Throw you out?" she said, turning towards him, "No, that's alright. It's not like you wrecked the store or anything." "So exactly what did I do anyways?" asked Ryouga.  
"Forget it."  
Ukyou turned back to the high shelf, humming to herself. Unfortunately, she turned rather quickly and the stepladder was a rather old and shaky one. Ukyou wobbled a bit and then fell off. She closed her eyes when she realized she was going to hit the floor.  
But she didn't. Ukyou opened her eyes and looked right into Ryouga's. He managed to catch her neatly into his arms. "Hey, you okay?" he asked.  
"Y-yeah."  
Ryouga breathed a sigh of relief that his friend wasn't injured. Ukyou's heart slowed down after the inital panic of falling. They stayed that way for a few long seconds.  
"Ryouga..."  
"Hm?"  
"You can put me down now."  
"Huh?"  
"Down, Ryouga, down."  
"Oh... sorry, sorry." Ryouga let go quickly, deep in a state of embarassment. They stood there for a while, soaking in uncomfortable silence (which was beginning to happen much too often for Ryouga's liking).  
Finally, someone broke the silence.  
"So what'd you want?" asked Ukyou.  
"Do you remember that bridge where Ryo first attacked me?" he asked. "Mm-hm. What about it?" "Could you... guide me to it? I've gotta be there in an hour." "Oh? What for?" "Me and Ryo... talked, I guess. He agreed not to attack any of my friends anymore... if... if I showed up today for a duel."  
Ukyou sighed. "Wouldn't be a normal month without at least one big martial arts duel. Fine. C'mon, let's go."

They walked slowly to the bridge, each silent and thinking. She was worried about Ryouga, although she'd never admit it. This Ryo guy... he couldn't be that good, could he? And Ryouga was pretty good too, almost as good as Ranchan. Things, she told herself, would be fine. Ryouga's head was swirling. What did he do to Ukyou when he was drunk? Did Akane think he was some kind of pervert now? Exactly how good was Ryo at martial arts? Why on earth did Ranma kiss him? Was Ranma's curse beginning to bend his personality and turn him into a girl, both in mind and body? Would this happen to Ryouga too? This was no good. Too many distractions before the fight, that's what was wrong.

They noticed a fair sized crowd up ahead. "Hey, what's with the crowd?" Ryouga asked. "Dunno." "EVERYBODY PLACE YOUR BETS! IT'S THE BATTLE OF THE DECADE! THE CLASH OF THE UMBRELLA KINGS! RYOUGA 'THE ROCK' HIBIKI VS. RYO MUHOSHIN, THE MAN WHO CRUSHED THE MEGA-PERVERT! C'MON UP AND PLACE YOUR BETS!" Ryouga and Ukyou blinked. That was definitely Nabiki on the megaphone. "Ryouga... the Rock?" Ryouga wondered, not sure whether he should be feeling offended or complemented. The crowd saw him and cheered. {What kind of a name is Ryouga the Rock? This was just great, more distractions}.  
Ukyou was shaking her head sadly. "I don't believe she did this.  
Shoulda known, though. Shoulda known."  
Just before they entered the crowd, Ukyou grabbed Ryouga's shoulder. "I'm gonna go get a good view." "Oh." he said. Ryouga turned away, feeling not quite ready for the fight. "Ryouga!" Ukyou yelled. Ryouga stopped and turned around. Ukyou gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. "Hey, good luck out there, okay? Don't get hurt. I'll bet on ya, okay?"  
Ryouga was speechless as he strode towards the battlefield.

Some distance away, Akane had noticed Ryouga and Ukyou's approach. She watched as they walked up, talked, and smiled a bit when Ukyou kissed him. {Well, there's one happy couple} she thought. Then she sadly looked at her fiance. {What's happening with us?} she thought. {Is the curse starting to warp your mind? And... do you really care about me? Or is it... just the spice...}  
Ranma noticed something was wrong. He looked at Akane and noticed that she was looking sad. He put his arm around her. "Hey, don't worry. I'm sure Ryouga's gonna come out of this alright. I've hit him hard plenty of times and he still comes back for more." Despite his words, Ranma was worried. His other arm was still sore from the hit he took from Ryo's umbrella.

Ryo strode confidently to the appointed place of battle. He would have worn his usual suit, but he was starting to run out of suits and he had a feeling that this fight might get ugly. For today's festivities, he decided to go with the classic white t-shirt, black pants, and all-terrain shoes look. He used to not worry about fashion so much, but constant naggings from his more fashionable sibblings had ruined his carefree days.

Once again, he was dressed alot like Gosunkugi.

He was a litttle stunned to find out that his much-anticipated duel with Hibiki had become a public attraction. "WHAT IS THIS?!" he yelled, pushing through the crowd and stepping unto the bridge. He was expecting a confrontation of old, two warriors,  
and perhaps a loved one or two cheering on, to add to the drama. The carnival atmosphere was repulsive to him, especially as a backdrop to a duel.  
The crowd seemed confused. There were murmers in the crowd. "This is the guy?", "I thought he always wore a suit", "What's with the umbrella?" were some murmers he heard, but the one that was heard the most, and the one that bugged him the most was "Hey, isn't that Gosunkugi?" "I AM NOT GOSUNKUGI!" He yelled.

Somewhere out there, Gosunkugi sneezed.

Across the bridge, he saw that his opponent had arrived as well. Ryo examined the battlefield beforehand, as any good tactician would do. It was concrete, four lanes wide, fairly long, and not used much anymore since a new overpass nearby was infinitely more convenient for traffic. No traffic should come through at all during the fight. The bridge was so unused that the city hadn't bothered repairing the damage inflicted from the last battle he had with Ryouga.  
He reached into his memmories, recalling all the annoyances that Hibiki had caused in his life, and he felt the adrenaline surge soar, giving him strength. Today, Ryouga would NOT win, he was sure of it.

Up in a tree nearby, Kyoko and Ryoko sat in a tree, observing the crowd.  
"Well, there they are," sighed Ryoko. "Ryouga hasn't changed much."  
Kyoko nodded. "And there's Ryo too."  
"Yeah... there he is."  
A third person, obviously young, sat lazily on a branch above them and snickered. He adjusted his round-frame glasses and brushed his hair away from his eyes.  
"What's so funny, Megane?" asked Ryoko irritably.  
"I can see it in Ryo's eyes, he's going to lose again."  
"Hm?" wondered Kyoko.  
"He doesn't look scared t'me, Megs," observed Ryoko.  
"Overconfidence, gets him every time. You'll see."  
"Hm..."  
"Care to make a bet?" queried Megs.  
"Hm... I think... they'll come out even."  
"That's long odds, sis."  
"I've just got this feeling. What's the prize?"  
"Dinner tonite, loser pays."  
"Deal."

"Good day, Hibiki." "Muhoshin." Ryouga shifted into a ready stance. Ryo, however, was still looking around the area as if it was an art museum full of tacky paintings.  
"Hmm... just a moment," said Ryo.  
"Huh?"  
"I'd just like to make one modification to the playing field, if I may?" He grinned and tilted his head.  
"No tricks, Muhoshin." "No tricks. I... just don't want any interference, and I don't want you wandering off in the middle of battle. Don't think I haven't forgotten about your pathetic sense of direction." "What did you have in mind?" Ryo walked over to where the concrete bridge connected to the land. He poked the pavement with his umbrella and returned to the middle. The concrete exploded a second later, leaving a big gap between the bridge and the land. "Well?" He looked at Ryouga expectantly.  
Ryouga went to his side and did the same.

"What on earth are they doing?" Akane asked. "I think," Ranma said, "that they're making sure nobody butts in and nobody runs away." "They both know the bakusai ten-ketsu?"  
In the distance, thunder roared through the skies.

They stood at the center of the bridge, Ryouga in an alert stance and serious demeanor, and Ryo holding his umbrella like a fencer's sword and smiling with eyes narrowed.

"Is it not a good day to die, Hibiki?"  
"You won't beat me."  
"By hook or by crook, I will. FIGHT!"

The fighting opened up with a barrage of umbrella swipes by both combatants, as Ryouga swung his umbrella left and right. Ryo dodged easily. He didn't dare try to block since he knew how heavy that thing really was and he was afraid that his own umbrella would break under a direct hit. Ryouga targeted Ryo's gut with a straight thrust but Ryo dodged left and swung across at Ryouga's face. Ryouga tried to dodge, but recieved a cut on the jaw. Ryouga took a few steps back and felt the cut, while Ryo stood back,  
twirling his umbrella. Ryo's eyes shone of malevolance, and for a moment,  
he flashed a hyena's grin.

"Hm," Ranma said, "this could be a good or bad thing." "Good or bad?" Akane asked. "Well, when he gets mad, he fights harder, which is good. But sometimes he also fights like a stupid idiot, which is bad."

Ryouga was mad. In front of EVERYBODY watching, he'd recieved the first blow. Failed to draw first blood. Ryo stood there, still alert,  
but with a smug look to his face. "That's it. TAKE THIS!" Ryouga yelled, snapping open his umbrella. He spun it in his hands and then swung forward. Ryo dodged the first swing, which hit the pavement and sent sparks flying. "Yow." Ryo muttered. He'd never seen the umbrella-buzzsaw trick done properly before, until now. Ryouga swung madly at Ryo, sending sparks flying everywhere. Finally,  
Ryo tripped a bit and Ryouga caught him in the back, slicing through skin quickly. Ryo screamed and twisted away before he got cut any deeper. It wasn't a fatal cut, he knew, but he was bleeding, and it did hurt enough to be a distraction. Ryouga reared back with the umbrella and threw it at Ryo, who ducked and swung the handle-end of his umbrella at Ryouga's feet, where it telescoped and hooked Ryouga's foot. Ryo grinned and yanked hard, pulling Ryouga's foot out from under him. Ryouga fell down hard, hitting his head on the pavement. The umbrella retracted to it's normal length quickly and Ryo swung down hard yelling "GEKIHOU!". The umbrella hook glowed brightly and exploded with light as it slammed into Ryouga's chest. Ryouga gritted his teeth and gave a small yell of pain. The hit had knocked the breath out of him, and he wasn't sure if any ribs were broken or not. Ryo swung back and hammered Ryouga repeatedly while yelling "Hyaku-Gekiou!" striking down with his charged umbrella at amazing speeds. Ryouga managed to turn left and right to dodge some blows, which made deep gashes in the pavement, and had to use his arms to block others,  
which left his arms feeling incredibly sore. Ryouga's umbrella zoomed back from it's flight, flying straight towards the back of Ryo's head. Ryo suddenly felt an incredibly hard blow slam into the back of his head and stumbled forward with a ringing in his skull. Ryouga kicked his legs out from under him and Ryo fell face first into the pavement.

"Well, there he goes," said Megs. "Why'd you think it would be a tie anyways?"  
"They... they're both pretty good, right?" wondered Megane.  
"Let's see... I hear there's a pretty good okonomiyaki joint nearby,  
you oughta be able to afford that, ne?"  
"Hey, Ryo's getting up!" said Kyoko. "Yaay oniichan!"

Both combatants wobbled uneasily to opposite corners, getting a bit of a breather. Ryouga was feeling bruises all over. Ryo's head was spinning and his back wasn't feeling any better either. Ryouga pulled off some bandanas and threw them at Ryo, who just evaded them by opening his umbrella and hiding under it. Ryouga then pulled out a streetlamp from the bridge and threw it at Ryo, who smashed it in half with a gekihou. Ryouga snapped his umbrella open and sent it flying towards Ryo, who opened his own and flung it towards Ryouga. Ryouga's umbrella zoomed in hard and fast, in a slightly curving trajectory, gracefully cutting through the air. Ryo dodged out of it's way, and ducked as it zoomed by again to return to it's owner. Ryo's umbrella wobbled through the air in a drunk sort of way. Certainly not gracefully. However, this made it hard to tell where it was going, and Ryouga stutter-stepped left and right trying to determine what way would be the safe way. He finally decided to just duck, which worked fine. The umbrella wobbled (to the astonishment of everyone) back to it's owner. Ryouga stood up and caught his umbrella. Ryo stepped left and right,  
uncertain of where his would go, and made a lunging grab for it.

Both combatants took a brief rest from combat, circling each other warily.

Ryouga felt that he had recovered enough and charged madly at Ryo, who didn't feel all that recovered at all. Ryo was soon face-to-face with Ryouga, who lunged forward and tried to grab him. Ryo jumped up (using that specially reserved martial artist high jump thing) behind Ryouga,  
twisted around in the air, and shot off a ryugeki-ken. Ryouga saw the incoming bolt of energy and jumped over it and in pursuit of Ryo. Ryo landed and shot off another ryugeki-ken at the still-airborne Ryouga, who caught it in the gut, tumbled on his landing, but managed to roll to his feet.  
"Enough," Ryouga muttered, as he gathered ki. Ryo saw this and tried to counter as he shot off another ryugeki-ken, but was flattened as Ryouga's shishi houkou-dan demolished it and slammed Ryo off his feet and into a streetlamp. "Ite... that hurt," Ryo muttered. "DIE!" He jumped high into the air again, almost above the very center of the bridge. Then he yelled "GOU-RYUGEKI-KEN!" as a storm of dozens of energy bolts rained down into the bridge. The bolts hit everywhere, making craters and holes in the bridge, throwing debris everywhere. Ryouga was caught in the blast,  
getting hit directly by one, sent flying through the air by the explosion of another that hit right next to him, hammered again by several more while flying through the air.

"Wow. Always impresses me when he does that." Megane said. "Cool!" bubbled Kyoko.  
"Well," sighed Ryoko, "guess it won't be a tie. Ryo drains himself too much when he does that... and if Ryouga's endurance holds true to form..."

"Ryouga!" Ukyou yelled. She stared helplessly as Ryouga was bounced back and forth in the explosions. Ranma gritted his teeth. This wasn't going well. If it got really ugly, he was ready to jump in and interrupt. After all, Ryouga was something vaguely like a friend, and there were no other candidates for Best Man at the wedding (unless Ukyou wanted to cross-dress again.)

Ryo zoomed down from his flight, umbrella charged and ready for the final blow. To his surprise, he saw Ryouga slowly and unsteadily getting up to his feet. He descended towards Ryouga, umbrella raised high and held like an axe. Ryo screamed "DIEEEE!" and swung down hard, only to have the umbrella caught with one of Ryouga's hands and Ryo's foot caught by Ryouga's other hand. Ryouga pulled the umbrella out of Ryo's hand and then slammed him back and forth by the foot like a rag doll. Ryo flailed desperately for something to grab, screaming "ACK" "OOF" "UGH" and "OW" with each impact on the hard concrete. Finally, he grabbed a chunk of cement, and as he sailed right over Ryouga's head, threw it down hard,  
causing Ryouga to lose his grip.  
Ryo landed right behind Ryouga, and grabbed him around the waist. Quickly, Ryo pulled back and hammered Ryouga with a backbreaker, and then flipped while still holding Ryouga and gave him another backbreaker. Ryo let go and stumbled unsteadily away to regain his senses. To Ryo's horror, Ryouga slowly got up again as well.

"Jeez, neither of these guys is falling," said an impressed Ranma. "Well," said Akane, "they both know the breaking point technique. I guess they both have super endurance." "But Ryo looks like... like... Gosunkugi! When somebody's built like that, ya don't really think they're... well... super tough."

"Damn," Ryoko muttered. "Well, that settles it."  
"What's wrong?" asked Kyoko. "She's gonna lose, that's what," Megane said. "Ryouga has ALWAYS had the superior endurance. I'm surprised Ryo is still standing, but you can tell by looking at them that Ryo's losing steam.

Ryo went for his umbrella as fast as he could but Ryouga suddenly caught up with him and, using one of his bandanas, snared Ryo's left wrist. "Let's see how you do without the umbrella," Ryouga sneered. Ryo zoomed in and hammered Ryouga's head with an elbow, followed by a knee to the gut, all with lightning speed. It was at moments like these that Ryo was extremely gratefull that he studied a little Muy Thai kickboxing. Ryouga reeled back a bit, but didn't let go of the bandana that tied up Ryo's left wrist. He looked right into Ryo's eye, smiling. "Those hits," he said, "felt like a baby's kick!" Ryouga gave Ryo a viscious headbutt that flung his skull back. Ryo wobbled a bit and then surprised everyone by headbutting Ryouga right back. "Headbutt me, will you?" Ryo sneered. Both of them reared back with their skulls and hammered each other again and again and...

"Ryouga's gonna win." Ranma said, smiling. "That idiot's head can smash through buildings. This'll be over in a snap."

*WHAM*  
"Give up yet?" Ryo sneered, looking at the seven Ryougas in front of him. *WHAM*  
"YOU'LL be the one giving up," Ryouga confidently said to the two Ryos that were looking angrily at him. *WHAM*  
"Oh no, for once, it's gonna be me beating you, Hibiki." *WHAM*  
"Not on your best day!" *WHAM*  
"That's my line!" *WHAM*  
"WIMP!" *WHAM*  
"IDIOT!" *WHAM*  
"PANSY!" *WHAM*  
"DIRECTIONALLY IMPAIRED DENTAL DISASTER!" *WHAM*  
"Oh, make fun of my teeth, will you?" *WHAM*

"What does he think he's doing?" Ryoko said. "Apparently, they've suffered some brain damage and now both of them think that they are goats. That would explain the double-headbutt action going on right now," said Megane. "Not only that, but do you _really_  
think that Ryo's head is harder than Ryouga's? I think somebody's gonna fall. And soon."

*WHAM*  
After quickly observing the fourteen Ryougas in front of him, Ryo decided that enough was enough and as he reared his head back, he slugged Ryouga in the nose with a quick punch. Ryouga's head reeled back back,  
while lashing out with a spinning roundhouse kick at the same time which sent Ryo reeling back. Ryouga held his nose, in obvious pain. Amazingly,  
nothing was broken.  
"That does it," Ryouga muttered, "You're dead!" He charged at the wobbling Ryo and started throwing punch after punch at him.

Ukyou, Akane and Ranma were watching the fight intensely when Ukyou suddenly noticed something. She looked up, frowned, and ran over to Ranma and Akane.  
"Ranma. We've got to stop the fight." Ukyou said with a grim demeanor.  
"What? You don't interrupt a man-to-man fight." Ranma wondered why Ukyou was so anxious about. "Besides, he's obviously winning." Ukyou merely sighed and rolled her eyes up, then looked at Ranma,  
then looked up again, as if pointing at something while trying to be subtle.  
Finally, he figured it out. Ranma looked up. Then he frowned.  
"Uh-oh.."

The battlefield looked like a warzone. Holes, craters, and rubble lined the bridge everywhere. If the battle continued any longer, everyone suspected that the bridge would collapse. Ryo staggered back as Ryouga landed punch after unbelieveably hard punch on him. Ryo tried to get focused, and his vision showed twenty Ryougas, and all were looking very pissed off. Through the haze of pain Ryo realized he'd have to go for his desperation tactic, which might not work and would definitely cause Ryo much pain if it did work. Meanwhile, Ryouga was fighting on, fueled by his anger, landing elbows,  
uppercuts, roundhouses, and all sorts of blows on Ryo. {He's still standing?} thought Ryouga, surprised at the level of endurance that his adversary was showing. Finally, with a solid punch to the gut, Ryo fell to his knees. Ryouga, fully into his berzerker rage, grabbed him by the neck and held his fist high and ready to smash Ryo's skull in.  
The crowd was stunned. From everyone's viewpoint it looked like Ryouga was going for the killing blow. Akane and Ukyou were surprised as well. They never thought of Ryouga as a killer. Ryo looked at the twenty-three fists raised up and aimed at his head. He didn't want to die yet. Time for _very_ desperate measures. Ryo suddenly reared back with his left hand. He gritted his teeth in anticipation of how bad this would hurt... and focused all his ki into his hand.

"I don't believe he's gonna do this." Ryoko said. "Do what?" Kyoko asked. "His gekihou." Megane said. "No umbrella?" wondered Kyoko.  
"The idiot. His arm's gonna explode into a big bloody mess." Megane added. "Eww." Kyoko said. She covered her eyes. "Stupid, stupid, stupid," mumbled Ryoko.

Ryo swung forward, yelling "GEKIHOU!". He tried to hit a vital spot on Ryouga like his skull or his chest but was too weak to properly lunge forward and ended up connecting with Ryouga's leg. Bright light exploded and a boom could be heard on impact as the two were flung apart.

"Ouch, that had to hurt." said Megane. "The idiot did it," Ryoko sighed. "Amazing, his arm is still attached. Kyoko, you can uncover your eyes now. There's no gross stuff." "You sure?" said Kyoko in a tiny voice.

"We've got to interrupt," Ranma said sternly, looking up at the rainclouds. "Definitely," said Ukyou, as both walked towards the edge of the bridge and prepared to jump over. "What are you two talking about?" Akane said, struggling to keep up.

Ryouga was gritting his teeth and holding his leg. {Damn! This hurts!} He was angry at himself for letting himself open stupidly like that. He was afraid that his leg was shattered. Ryo was on the floor growling in pain. "Itai! Itai itai itaaaaai! KuSO!" He looked to Ryouga (the twenty-two others that he had seen previously had seemed to have left) who looked like he was in great pain and was holding his leg. He looked at his own left hand. It was bruised beyond belief. The pain was unbelievable, worse than he imagined it would be. The damage went down the entire length of his arm and he couldn't move it at all. He wouldn't be using that arm for a long while, if he survived this fight. {Feh, he loses a leg, I lose an arm. Not good enough.}  
Slowly, Ryo got up. His arm was limp at his side. He slowly staggered over to where his umbrella was dropped and picked it up with his right hand. He noticed some movement in the ranks of the observers and saw that two of Ryouga's allies were getting ready to jump over the gap and interrupt the fight. He quickly stabbed the ground with his umbrella, yelling "BAKUSAITENKETSU!" The bridge got even smaller as half of the remains of the bridge crashed down into the waters. "NO INTERFERENCE!" Ryo glared defiantly and angrily at Ranma and Ukyou. He gave Ryouga a psychotic gaze as he began to twirl the umbrella and its handle began to glow. "This... ends... now." The skies grew darker by the second. The winds became cold and swift. Ranma and Ukyou were yelling at Ryouga desperately but he was too focused on the battle to notice anything else.  
"You're ... right." Ryouga replied. Ryo didn't have the strength left for another GouRyugeki-Ken, not even for a plain Ryugeki-ken. He'd just have to bludgeon Ryouga to death. He lunged forward swinging the umbrella down hard. Ryouga caught it in one hand, pulled it in, and grabbed Ryo by the throat. "Surrender, Ryo?" Ryouga asked. "Last chance." He was feeling good. about his chances. It looked like Ryo's left arm was a mess and he looked exhausted already. Ryouga had him in a chokehold, and he knew that Ryo's normal punches would be too weak, considering his current state.  
Ryo tried to shake Ryouga off, moving left and right, without success. Then Ryo hit Ryouga's leg. It didn't get Ryouga to let go, but Ryouga did flinch violently and succeeded in making them both fall into a mini-crater nearby. Ryouga still had Ryo in a death grip and he was feeling weaker by the second.

And then it rained.

Ryouga, now Ryouga-pig, was stunned. {Why? Why didn't I notice the rainclouds coming? Why me? Why NOW?}

Akane wondered what was going on. Ryouga fell into some kind of hole but from where she was standing she couldn't see Ryouga any more. She noticed that Ranma-chan and Ukyou were looking very nervous. "Where's Ryouga?" She asked. "I can't see him." "You can't see him?" Ranma asked. "I can't see either of them. I'm too short and this is a lousy view."

Ryo was confused. "No..."  
The pig in front of him looked a bit dazed too.  
Ryo looked down at the pig and noticed that it looked like a mess. In fact it seemed to have all the injuries that Ryouga had... "Either I've just gone mad, or you've turned into a pig. Either way,  
Hibiki, you die." Ryo picked up the pig and smashed it against the pavement. He let go and raised his foot to stomp on it. A total wave of helplessness overwhelmed Ryouga. Suddenly, and with a grunt, the piglet let out an incredibly massive blast in the form of a huge pillar of light. It was the Full Shishi Houkoudan, the most powerfull form of ki-blast Ryouga had. It impacted full-force into Ryo who was flung back several feet. Ryo landed on his back, roughly, and almost unconscious.  
The Shishi Houkou-dan rocketed Ryouga through the pavement making a small pig-sized hole in the floor. The massive ki-wave traveled onward and upward, through the clouds, expanding in size as it flew into the dark skies.

Out in the crowd, Ranma was stunned. That was one of the bigger Full Shishi houkou-dans Ryouga had ever shot. And in pig-form too. He wondered what would happen to Ryouga if he did it in pig-form because the technique was not developed with farm animals in mind. Meanwhile, Akane was yelling at Ukyou, who was several people in front of her. "Hey, Ukyou, move your spatula, I can't see!"

The Muhoshin siblings looked on in shock at the massive energy wave that had burst forth from the crater where Ryouga and Ryo had dissapeared from. Their jaws were hanging down. Finally, as a group, they murmered, "Holy shit."

Then they saw what was falling from the sky...

Ryo groggily looked up. "Oh no," he muttered. He crawled, trying to reach the edge of the bridge to escape. He was in no condition to worry about anything else.  
Ryouga-pig was struggling not to fall into the river, as his blast had shot him almost totally through and under the bridge like a rocket. He was furiously scrambling up, trying to get out of the self-made tunnel he made when he noticed that the sky was getting brighter.  
And then the Full Shishi Houkou-dan, now big enough to cover the entire bridge, dropped back down from the sky.

From the view of the crowds, it was a massive explosion, sending concrete and metal flying everywhere. The sound of the Full Shishi Houkou-dan slamming into the bridge was heard from far away. The assembled spectators scrambled for cover. When the dust cleared, the bridge was nothing but rubble floating in the water. Despite the rain and the wind, Ranma, Akane, and Ukyou searched desperately for Ryouga in the rubble, but nothing was found except the umbrellas of both combattants and a few bandanas.  
"He couldn't be..." Ranma said, sifting through the rubble. Akane was stunned into silence. Ukyou looked down the river. "They went downstream. If they were knocked off the bridge, they must've fallen into the river. C'mon!" She ran, ignoring the wind and the rain, down the riverbank with Ranma and Akane not far behind.

[December 2]

She stood by the riverbank, where the now demolished bridge had once connected with the land. She hammered away at something, not stopping until it was firmly planted into the ground.  
Ukyou looked at her work and sighed.  
"I..." she began to say, unsure of who she was saying it to or why.  
A ragged red umbrella was implanted into the ground, the torn cloth swaying with the breeze. She held onto it for a moment, frowning, then walked away.

This, the 'right trouser leg of time', is the one that theologists of the pantleg school of chronal theory generally refer to as the 'main'  
timeline, or leg. The leg that's at the center of things anyways.

For example, if the reader wishes to follow the right leg, they'd stop right here and read part twelve.

The other leg, however, the 'left leg' of the trousers, is generally used to describe 'alternate realities', where things aren't as they normally are.  
Of course, the left pant leg is the one that the scientists aren't in,  
so by logic the left trouser exists only in theory. However, this doesn't stop the scientists from wondering exactly how things might be different in the other leg.

Yet another branch of time theory insists that if moments of destiny were branched off like trousers, those trousers would have a bloody lot of legs to fill.

Anyways, this is how one of those non-right legs went...

[November's End]

The fight didn't start well at all by Ryouga's standards. He was standing there, feeling the cut on his face, and getting mad. Across the way, his adversary had a smirk on his face. He was being made a fool of,  
in front of everybody!  
"That's it.. TAKE THIS!" Ryouga snapped his umbrella open and spun it hard. He charged at Muhoshin, swinging fast and furiously, his umbrella whirling like a buzzsaw and sending sparks everywhere. Muhoshin dodged desperately and retreated a few steps. And then saw a chance at an opening. Ryouga swung his makeshift buzzsaw-umbrella towards Muhoshin, but this time he didn't retreat.  
Muhoshin rolled forward, _past_ the whirling edge of the unbrella, hooked Ryouga's leg with his umbrella handle, pulled, sent Ryouga to his feet,  
and turned the umbrella in his hands, getting ready to stab into Ryouga's heart.  
Muhoshin grabbed Ryouga by the throat with one hand, and held his umbrella with the other, ready to put an end to Ryouga's existence. Suddenly, there was a bright flash of light that overwhelmed his eyes.  
Muhoshin reflexively winced and shut his eyes as the flash of light passed, and that proved to be his undoing. Ryouga took advantage of his hesitation and lunged forward with one hand, grabbing Muhoshin's throat. He held the umbrella away with the other.  
Muhoshin was slowly loosing air, feeling his neck being crushed by Ryouga's hand. He crushed Ryouga's throat with his own hand, and it became a race to see who would loose consciousness first. Muhoshin was loosing and he knew it. Ryouga was turning just a little blue, but he was ten seconds away from unconsciousness. He suspected that the loss of oxygen was causing him to halucinate, because from the corner of his vision he thought he saw several people, and it sounded like they were bickering. That, of course, was impossible.  
To Ryo's surprise, Ryouga let go of his throat. Unfortunately for him,  
Ryouga's fist pounded into his body, sending a shockwave of pain through his gut. He let go of Ryou ga's throat and then tried to drive a finger into his eye. Ryouga turned his head and Muhoshin missed, making a small hole in the concrete instead. He pulled his hand back again and punched down hard. This time he felt something snap under his fist. Ryouga yelled in pain, grabbed him by the shirt, and threw him away, _hard_. Ryo twisted in the air, trying to land on his feet, or at least, land so that his back wasn't turned towards Ryouga. Instead, his skull collided with something, something hard, and the effect of Ryouga's solid blow to his gut and the lack of oxygen to his brain caught up with him.  
Muhoshin's vision was blinded by a flash of azure fire, then he passed out.

Ryouga stood up quickly, expecting an attack from where he had tossed Muhoshin away. Instead, he saw a blinding flash of light. Once it faded,  
he looked around. His opponent was gone.  
"Where..." he cautiously walked towards where he'd thrown Ryo, but found no trace of his presence. Where did he go?

-to be continued in Converging Series- 


	13. Fallout

============ PART XII FALLOUT ============

[December 3]

Gosunkugi walked along, minding his own business. Life was pretty okay nowadays. He was no longer mugged or harrassed, which was great. He started to get over Akane, which was good. He was finally getting some sleep, which got rid of some of those dark ridges under his eyes, which helped with his social life alot. The most drastic change was that he had given up on magic. This pleased his parents very much. He strode by the waterway, taking in the sights, and thought of the mantra for the day (one of them, anyways, he had randomly selected from a book). "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and people like me!" he said to himself. He believed none of it.  
Then he heard a sniffle. And then another one. He followed the sound to a bridge under construction nearby and found a long haired girl with a titanic spatula sitting by the waters and looking sad. Tears was streaming down her face. "H-hey, need this?" he said, holding out a tissue. "Hm?" "This," he said, holding it up again, "you've, er, got some tears." Ukyou looked to the person who was talking to her and shrieked. {It's him! It's Ryo! He's ... he's...}  
"C-calm down, I'm not going to hurt you, y'know. Just offering a hankerchief."  
{No... wait... Ryo is dead. This guy... this guy... isn't he...}  
"Say, you're Hikaru Gosunkugi, aren't you?" "Um, yeah. Have we met?" "No, not really," she said, taking the hankerchief, "it's just that I've been told about you by my friends. Their description was kinda right." "Oh...," said Gosunkugi. He wasn't sure if that was a compliment or an insult. What did the books say to do in a case like this? Oh yeah,  
smile. "Who are you?" he asked.  
"Ukyou Kuonji." Gosunkugi was feeling pretty good. All those self-help books on the art of conversation were working great so far!  
"Say, you're a friend of Ranma Saotome's, right? I've seen you hang around the Tendou place now and then." "Oh? Funny, I've never seen you..." "Well," he said, looking somewhat embarrased, "I used to spy on the Tendou house alot. Well, I used to have a crush on Akane Tendou." "Who didn't." muttered Ukyou bitterly, wiping her eyes. "And so I used to hover around there alot, trying to ask her out. It never worked out right." "Yeah, tell me about it," muttered Ukyou. "So how did you end up hanging around there?" "I was Ranma's fiancee." Ukyou muttered. "Oh. Sorry to bring it up." "Don't worry about it. Water under the bridge, as they say. Life goes on." Ukyou said, but didn't look too enthusiastic saying it. "Life sucks." she added. "So..." he asked, still not quite comfortable talking with girls,  
"um... what's got you down?" "Just... just thinking of a friend that left recently. Guess I kinda feel lost without him." She smiled a bit through her tears and gave a little laugh. "Hah. It was usually the other way around." They stayed out there for a while, with her just staring out into the waters and him standing next to her looking concerned. "Um, it's cold out here. I'll buy you a coffee." He held out his hand.  
She turned, looked at it for a while, then took it and stood up.

Somewhere else in town, three youths were speeding across town in a brand new and incredibly expensive sports car. A short haird girl looking melancholy, a young boy with long, messy bangs of hair, and a little girl that was giggling (and safely strapped in) the back seat.  
The car was going at somewhat hazzardous speeds, through intersections at ridiculous speeds. The one in glasses nervously adressed the short-haired girl.  
"Say, Ryoko, since when did you learn how to drive?"  
"I didn't, Megs."  
"Ah."  
Meanwhile, the kid in the backseat was having a blast. "Wai! Faster!  
Faster! Faster!"  
"Hey, is somethin'bugging you?" asked Megane. "You're way too depressed, considering who died."  
"I... I dunno. Shut up and lemme drive."

*ZOOM*

"WAI! Faster! Faster!"  
"Redlightredlightredlightohshiiiiiiii-yeow... close one."  
"Relax, will you? I know what I'm doing."  
"Say... we DID rent this on Ryo's card, right?"  
"Of course!"  
"Just makin'sure."

[Days later]

Ranma and Akane walked along the river carrying bags filled with Christmas shopping items they had just bought from the stores. They enjoyed the sights and sounds of the Christmas holiday. The night lights were sparkling, the crowds were all happy, and the stars were somewhat visible, making this night almost perfect for the two. "Ranma," Akane asked, holding onto his arm, "you're really sure?" Ranma sighed. "Hey, I told you already. Yes, we are going to get married, yes I want to do this, and yes," he stopped, and kissed her, "I want to marry _you_." Ranma wondered what was bothering Akane so much. Ever since a couple of weeks ago she was becoming nervous about their relationship and was repeatedly asking if he really loved her. "Hey," he said, "_you_ aren't having any second thoughts, are you?" "Um.. no, of course not, don't be silly." She sighed and they resumed their walk. "I guess I'm still having a hard time believing we're...  
well..." She blushed.  
What was on Akane's mind, still, was Mousse's words. She was still too nervous to confront Mousse about it directly, but couldn't forget the implications of what she had overheard.  
But... it did feel right.  
And she was, she had to admit happy.  
With him.  
On a whim, she gave him a peck on the cheek.  
"What was that for?" he asked.  
"Oh... nothing."

As they passed a bridge that was under repairs they both stopped and looked solemly at the ragged red umbrella planted upright into the ground in honor of their fallen comrade.

"Believe it or not," Ranma said, "I actually miss the guy." "Yeah, me too." Akane wiped a tear from her eye. "C'mon, we're gonna miss dinner." "At least... at least he didn't go down without a fight. I think he would've been proud about that."

[Thursday]

It was poker night once more, and Akane, Ranma, Ukyou, Gosunkugi,  
Nabiki, Mousse, Shampoo, and Kasumi were sitting around a table. Nearby,  
a television was on.  
For once, Nabiki had joined in on the games. She couldn't resist the lure of easy money. Kasumi had merely asked to join in. Nobody asked her why. She was well-liked by everyone, so nobody objected.  
Shampoo joined in because Mousse had persuaded her to go. She wasn't pounding Mousse as much as she used to anymore, and they were actually beginning to get along, at least once a week. She still looked longingly at Ranma now and then, but did nothing more.  
Gosunkugi was there accompanying Ukyou. They seemed to hang around together more often nowadays. Ranma was clueless, but Akane had guessed that it was probably something like a "rebound affair", when one dates just about anybody right after they break up or loose someone they loved.  
Ranma thought that Ukyou couldn't be that stupid.  
Ukyou shuffled the deck expertly and dealt them out. Everyone noticed that she was still using one of Ryouga's headbands to tie her hair into a ponytail. Everyone looked at their cards. Then Ukyou started crying. Ranma and Akane reached out to comfort her,  
Gosunkugi offered a box of tissue to her, Kasumi offered some tea, and Nabiki shook her head looking at the messy scene before her. "I'm sorry, guys." she said, stopping her sniffles. "Hey, it's alright." said Akane. "We used to play poker every night, y'know? It was one of the few things that cheered him up when he was down." She sighed and looked at her cards. "Okay, I'm okay. Just lost it for a moment." "Okay then," Nabiki said, hoping to get things back on track,  
"everybody ready? Show what you've got!" Gosunkugi had a three of a kind, Shampoo had a pair, Mousse had a straight, Ranma had junk, Akane had a pair, Nabiki had a full house, and Kasumi had a royal straight flush. "Oh my. I won again!" Kasumi giggled. She dragged the pile of chips to her already large stack of winnnings.

"How much credit does that thing have left?" asked Megane, looking over some interesting and highly expensive footwear.  
"Hm... probably two thousand more," guessed Ryoko, idly looking over a few dresses a few feet away.  
"How'd he manage to get a card like this anyways?" asked Megane.  
"Who knows," said Ryoko, "he's always had connections in interesting places."  
"And on another note, you sure nothing's botherin'ya?" asked Megane.  
"What? I'm fine. Why do you ask?"  
"Dunno... y'just seem... I dunno... kinda moody, lately."  
Kyoko raced towards Ryoko, holding on to a large, uber-kawaii panda plushie. "Can I have this? Pleeeeease?"  
Ryoko smiled, patting the smaller girl on the head. "Hey, no problem."  
"YAAAY!"  
"And after that," said she, "there's this penthouse suite I've always wanted to try out." She smiled a little, and tucked the dead man's credit card in her purse. "Hope the room service is cool."

Somewhere, deep in a jungle area, a man wandered. He was badly injured, sporting many bruises, cuts, and had one hell of a headache. He had been wandering for so long looking for something that he couldn't remember. He remembered a fight... an explosion... but nothing earlier than that. With all his injuries his travel was painful but he felt that he had to keep on wandering, as if it was a basic need, and he had to look for... look for... look for what?

He would have loved some hotel service right about then.

[Friday]

Ranma answered the knock at the door to reveal Mousse with a handy-cam. "Er... hi?" Ranma said. "Hello Ranma. I'm just here to take care of a minor technicality. Where is your dojo?" "Follow me," he said. They entered the dojo and Mousse set up his equipment. "What's all this for?" asked Ranma. "Cologne's getting desperate. She's going to try and get you married to Shampoo soon, despite your earlier threats." "Oh? Is that so!" Ranma said angrily. "No need to panic. We just need to clear one minor detail." Mousse hit the record button. "What's that?" "Oh my! Akane put on some clothes!" Mousse yelled, pointing dramatically behind Ranma with one hand while trying to cover his eyes with the other. "What the? AKANE!" Ranma yelled, turning around quickly. *WHAM* Mousse flattened Ranma with the Mallet of Justice.  
"Well now," Mousse said, slapping his hands together, "that's that!" "GET THIS THING OFF ME!" Mousse went over to the camera and turned it off while Ranma slowly pushed the Mallet of Justice off of himself. "Wha'd you do that for?" Ranma yelled, angrily stomping towards Mousse. "Somebody called?" Akane asked, entering the dojo. "You're no longer engaged to Shampoo by Amazon law." Mousse said,  
smiling brightly. "Oh?" Ranma said, frozen in mid-step. "So we don't have to worry about Cologne any more?" Akane said,  
smiling. "That's right!" Mousse said. Ranma smiled and shook his hand. "Congrats!" Ranma said, and then slammed him against the wall, upside down. "What... did... you do ... that for?" Mousse weakly muttered. "That was for the mallet." said Ranma as he went back to the house.

At a rather relaxed and modern tea house, Gosunkugi and Ukyou sat and relaxed, enjoying moderately pricey drinks and a good view of the city. "I used to go to your restaurant every now and then. Best okonomiyaki in town, really."  
"Really? Thanks." Ukyou said, smiling while examining her cup of tea. "So why'd you shut the place down?" She sighed. "I don't know. I just... I just don't feel much like going to work. I don't think I'm ready, really." "Because of Ryouga?" Ukyou frowned. "You know," said Gosunkugi, "you just can't hide in there forever." Ukyou looked like she was thinking of something for a moment. "Yeah," she said, "Ryouga told me something like that once." "So... what are you going to do?"  
"Well," said Ukyou, "y'know, I've got alot of savings from running the restaurant. Lots. And I know Nabiki Tendou has this knack for handling money, so... I was thinking of jumping into the market, the stock market,  
y'know?" "Good idea."  
"Yeah, it would be nice not to work so hard anymore..." "Well, take your time anyways." said Gosunkugi. Gosunkugi paused, unsure of what to say next. "I guess it would be rough to have your boyfriend pass away like that."  
he said.  
"Boyfriend?" said Ukyou. "Well... no. He wasn't really that. I guess he became my best friend, really. Kept me company during the rough times when Ranma broke off our engagement." "Oh. I see." Gosunkugi had mixed feelings. Ukyou was available,  
which was good. She was sweet, kind, and easy to talk to. But she _seemed_ to be in love with a dead man. He knew what she said, but that didn't change what he observed. She loved that Ryouga alot, or so he thought, and as strange as it may sound, it was hard to compete with a dead man. After all, the dead are captured in perfect memory. They are flawless, made that way by the mind of the one that remembers them. Live people make mistakes, break hearts, fumble for the right words but use the wrong ones, have streaks of stupidity, do all the wrong things.  
Like Gosunkugi. "Hey," said Ukyou, "thanks for picking up the bill. That was sweet of you." "A-anytime." said Gosunkugi. He smiled to himself.

Hope springs eternal, no?

[Saturday]

"Shampoo still not sure about this." "Please? Just one date?" Mousse was begging Shampoo one more time. This, he felt, was the final hurdle. After the apparent death of Ryouga, Mousse was the sole candidate for Shampoo's hand. The Amazon Legal council couldn't argue at all, and so the obstinate roadblock known as Cologne was finally rendered ineffective. Since there was nothing keeping them there except for the business, Cologne had decided that she would leave for China at the end of the month. Only Shampoo's heart stood in the way. "Shampoo, we're going to get married anyways. I don't want you to hate me. Please? Come on, we'll go anywhere you want to go." Shampoo sighed. She knew there was no way out now. Her great-grandmother could do nothing. The law was on Mousse's side. Ryouga was no longer there to prevent Mousse from marrying her (although she didn't like Ryouga that much either) and Mousse had _legally_ taken Ranma out of consideration as well. Cologne and Shampoo strongly believed their fight was staged, but technically it counted. Might as well try to find something good about the blind idiot. Anyways, after the clear rejection she had recieved from Ranma, she was finally feeling a certain kind of inner numbness. The fire within her that drove her to recklessly pursue Ranma was gone, replaced by emptiness and a certain I-don't-care mentality. "Fine. We go later. Now leave Shampoo alone." "YEEESSS!" "If Mousse does not shut up, Shampoo change her mind!" "Sorry!"

Shutaro Mendou, heir to the largest fortune in Japan, decendent of noble blood, stood outside of his house, umbrella overhead to keep out the sleet and snow, and surveyed the neighborhood. He did this every now and then to unwind from all the stresses that living in Tomobiki came with,  
like that pervert Ataru and those idiotic Lum Stormtroopers. The beautiful sight of this town during night time was something he enjoyed looking at. Suddenly, his senses warned him of danger. He readied his sword. Two red eyes appeared in the shadows. "SHOW YOURSELF!" he yelled *BWEE*  
Bwee? he wondered, just before getting pounded violently into the pavement.

"Hey! Hey! Over here!" the reporters yelled as a man in a suit,  
flanked by lawyers and police was escorted to a police car. "C'mon,  
Answer some questions!" They yelled. The man stopped, faced the cameras, and began a short speech on the unfairness of the U.S. govornment and the sureness of his innocence. Unfortunately, someone wandered right into the heart of the crowd, past all the security, reporters, and poilce. The photographers got restless when this happened. Finally, one of the cameramen yelled. "HEY! You! Yeah, you with the bandana! Get outta the way kid!,  
you're ruining our shots!"

[Sunday Morning]

Ukyou sat in her room, slowly waking up. It was time for the weekend cleanup, which she hated doing. "Ryouga!" She yelled. There was no way she was going to handle this mess alone. After all, wasn't that why she let him stay here? "Ryouga!" She called again. Then she remembered. Ryouga wouldn't be helping her anymore. She was alone in the restaurant. All alone. She sighed, got up, and went to the kitchen to eat breakfast. She opened the door, picked up the morning paper, and set it on the table. Ukyou cooked okonomyaki, set it on a plate, turned on the television, and sat down. While chewing on some okonomyaki she unfolded the newspaper. She spat out her food. The headline read "VIOLENT PIG ATTACKS AGAIN: MILLIONARE MENDOU STRUCK DOWN!" She read the story. {Standing in the rain... felt danger... beady little eyes... fast blur... pig noises... It can't be. It CAN'T BE.}  
She put the paper away and resumed eating. And then she spat out again. The all-news network was on. The newsman was broadcasting live from America about some story that she didn't care about. Ukyou ran up to the television to get a better look. In the background, a ragged figure limped. He had many scratches and cuts, as if he had been in a fight. Most importantly, he was wearing a yellow and black bandana.

[Sunday night]

The night was late, the stars were out, and Akane and Ranma were walking home from one of the more trendy dance clubs. They were both muttering all the way down the street and didn't look like a happy couple at all. Akane was walking angrily, looking away from Ranma, while he was hobbling slightly and looking not too happy himself. "Stupid clumsy tomboy... uncute brute... foot masher..." Ranma muttered. "I said I'm sorry already!" She yelled back. "Whatever." He muttered. Then Akane stopped walking. Ranma hobbled a step or two ahead before noticing that she had stopped. Then he hobbled back a few steps. She turned her back to him and sniffled. "Aw, come on! Don't start crying!" he yelled. She seemed so quick to sob lately, alot like her father. "I'M sorry, okay? I should have let it go by now, and now I am, okay?" He reached out and she took a step back. "Akane, please." he said. He hobbled towards her again but this time she didn't move. Then she put her head on his shoulder. {Hey} he wondered,  
{why am I always the one apologizing in the end anyways?}  
Akane was wondering if this was the way things between Ranma and her would always be. Naturally. Without any spice helping things out. "Y'know," she said, between sniffles, "I hoped we'd stop fighting like this." "Yeah, I know, me too. Maybe I overreacted. Maybe you overreacted." Akane was about to argue when Ranma interrupted her, "but that doesn't mean we should just fall apart or nothin' like that. I still wanna marry you, even if you are a clumsy tomboy." He smiled. "You know, I still want to marry you too, you jerk." she said, smiling a bit, and put her arms around him.  
What Ranma didn't know, still, was the 'passion spice factor', as Akane thought of it. She'd tried to put it out of her mind and just accept things as they were, but it was always on the edge of her mind whenever she was with Ranma.

As the couple walked on, they sensed something odd. A presence. They looked around and saw a figure hobbling in the far distance, a bandanna on his head.  
"It can't..." Ranma muttered. "Ryouga!" Akane yelled. The man turned a corner into a busy street. Akane and Ranma looked at each other as if to see if each was thinking the same thing, then they chased after the mysterious figure, but the crowds on the street were too many. "Hey, Akane, it couldn't have been... could it?"

[Monday]

Jeanette Smith was sent off to another news story to cover for the Seattle Post. It wasn't your typical 3-bodies-found-and-no-suspects kind of story that's so common nowadays, so she was curious. Especially because it happened in one of the more popular nightclubs, and she'd been stuck getting assigned to covering the kind of stories that get buried waaaay in the back of the paper. This time, she sensed, this story would get attention. It was strange. She entered a nightclub. It was your typical "generation-x" type of dive, with an industrial look and dark lighting. She waded past the police officers at the scene and looked at the damage. It looked like there was a bomb detonated right in the middle of the dance floor because there was a considerably big crater occupying that space. Something was wrong, though. No burn marks, no scorches, no smoke. There should have been something like that if a bomb had gone off. She grabbed a passing officer. "Hey," she asked, "any injuries?" "About a dozen people. Got hit by flying debris." "That's it? Nobody killed?" "Nobody even burned. Strange, isn't it?" the officer said, and walked off. She went looking for a witness. She found Eno Donnovan, lead singer of the 'Screaching Monkeys' who was playing on stage during the incident. "Hey!" she said, grabbing his shoulder, "I'm Jeanette Smith from the Post, what happened here?" "Well, um, we were doing our music thing and stuff y'know when suddenly there's this Japanese dude, been working as a waiter or janitor or somethin' like that, well he was getting really pissed off when he got stuck in the middle of the mosh pit. Guess he didn't know that's how they usually dance *huh* anyways they were bumpin' him and he was bumpin' back an then I guess he was packin' a bomb or somethin 'cause this gigantic explosion happens BOOM!. Cement flyin' everywhere! Me an' the band duck,  
and when I look up, there's this huuuuge crater in the middle of the dance floor and the Japanese dude is gone!"

Kodachi was ready. She had spent endless hours in the lab trying to recreate the formula which was lost in her first run-in with Ryouga Hibiki. She knew that the original batch was effective because she was living proof of it (She didn't mind being under the spell of the formula, though, 'cause it felt goooood) and now was hoping to spread her happiness around a bit. There was a problem. The chemicals weren't reacting like the original mix was. There was something she did the first time... something different that made all the difference, and it frustrated her greatly. There was one outcome that she wanted, the everlasting love effect. Unfortunately it wasn't, according to her research, the most likely effect with this new batch of the formula. There were, however, two effects that were most likely to occur. One was that the subject would become overwhelmed with passion for a _brief_ moment, being unbelievably overwhelmed with desire. The other was a mild skin rash. She held up a vial filled with clear liquid. This was the closest that she'd been able to get to the original creation. This was it. She didn't know if it would work properly, but there was only one way to find out,  
right? Kodachi quickly put on her Ranma-chan disguise and bounded out to her only surviving beloved. She sighed sadly for a moment, thinking of the other one. {Alas, my beloved Ryouga, I miss you much, but life goes on!}

Ranma sat in the park, feeling the breeze under the shade of a large tree, looking doubtfully at the curry dish before him. He and Akane were having a picnic in the park because she felt they weren't having enough "quality time" lately. She seemed overly-worried about their relationship. He didn't see any emergency coming up, but if it made her happy, he figured it shouldn't hurt too much. He forgot about the part of a picnic that involved lunch. "Um, Akane..." he hesitatingly said. "Hm?" said she, turning to him with a hopefull look. {Aw heck, can't argue with a girl when they use the Cute Stare} he grudgingly thought. "Akane, I need a spoon." "Oh! Here you go!" High above them Kodachi lurked. She had spotted them enter the park and hurriedly followed them. She would have gotten out of her disguise but in the thrill of the pursuit she had entirely forgotten that she was wearing it. After observing the layout of the area, she had her plan all figured out. In one smooth motion, she would descend from the tree, pour the potion into the curry (it seemed like curry anyways but Kodachi knew that with Akane's cooking one never could be sure of anything) with her left hand, hammer Akane with a mallet using her right hand, kick the bowl into Ranma's face with the left foot (assuming his mouth would be gaping in surprise at her arrival as it usually seemed to be) and landing neatly in front of him just in time for the potion to take effect and *presto* love slave for eternity! She leapt from the tree. "AKANE TENDO PREPARE TO DIE!"

Yes, Kodachi Kuno does indeed suffer the same inability to quietly surprise her opponents as her brother. She had shown more control over it, but in about 80% of her attacks she would not resist the urge to yell out.

Ranma and Akane both looked up. They were both surprised to see Kodachi in a really bad Ranma-chan disguise. "What the?" Ranma muttered, too surprised by Kodachi's appearance to notice the splash of liquid diving into his curry. Akane was pissed. She cocked her fists in a ready position and as Kodachi swung her mallet, Akane caught it with one hand and slugged her out of the park with the other, hitting her so hard that her wig came off. Akane noticed the wig. She looked to where Kodachi was flying off. Ranma shrugged and absentmindedly had some curry. His face turned green. He discretely turned away and washed off the taste with some megavolt cola. Akane suddenly figured it all out. {Of course! It was Kodachi that kissed Ryouga, not Ranma! Hm... too bad he never lived to find out the truth.} Suddenly, Akane's hand was grabbed and she was yanked down to the grass next to Ranma. "Ranma! What-" She was cut off, mainly because he was giving her one of the most passionate kisses that they ever had. For both of them, bells were ringing, violins were striking up a romatic and dramatic number,  
doves were flying everywhere, the sky was a romantic shade of pink, all the clouds were shaped like clouds, and roses were blooming all around them.

It was that kind of a kiss.

Then it stopped. Ranma sat up, slightly dazed. "Wow. Wonder what brought that on." Akane grabbed him by the ear, yanked him back down, and the violins resumed.

***

[Tuesday]

"But Gosunkugi, I'm telling you he's alive! He's out there, lost,  
beaten up, but alive!" "Ukyou," Gosunkugi said, "i-it was just your imagination. Please, calm down."  
"I'M TELLING YOU HE'S ALIVE!" She yelled. He looked sadly at Ukyou. {That's it} he thought, {she's snapped}. She called him on the phone, sounding so panic-stricken, and said it was an emergency. He ran over immediately only to find her ranting like a madwoman about Ryouga being alive. "Listen, Ukyou, you're been stressed out, depressed, and maybe you should go see somebody..." "You think I'm crazy?" Ukyou glared at Gosunkugi. "Ukyou, let's go on a date!" Tsubasa cheerily said as he revealed himself to be a potted plant in the room. "Tsubaaasaaaa!" Ukyou growled. She whipped out not one, but two titanic killer spatulas and proceeded to thrash Tsubasa far more violently than she had ever done before. Finally, she hammered him from both sides with the spatulas, tossed him up, and hit him like a baseball, right through the roof. She was beginning to look a bit psychotic to Gosunkugi. "Well, you're looking a bit stressed out." Gosunkugi timidly said. Ukyou calmed down. Gosunkugi observed the conditions of Ucchan's. It was very much unkept, and dust was beginning to build up. Ukyou's personal quarters were a bit messy too, with lots of wet tissue paper and othe items lying around on the floor. He noticed that the attic was locked up. "Ukyou, when's the last time you cleaned up this place?" "Not... not in a while." "C'mon, I'll help you clean up." Reluctantly, she accepted his help and they went about the business of restoring the resaurant.

The young man was extremely confused. He was wandering around some damn swamp area, full of mosquitos, and suddenly he found himself in some small metal compartment, and to add insult to injury he was locked in. "Hey!" he yelled, banging on the door, "Let me out!" Meanwhile, outside, something was happening. "TEN... NINE... EIGHT... SEVEN...HOLD COUNTDOWN... REPEAT HOLD THE COUNTDOWN... INTERNAL SENSORS INDICATE A PROBLEM, DO YOU READ?"

Somewhere, deep within a mountain, a man in a red military outfit was looking at several monitoring screens. A scrawny scientist stood next to him. "As you can see, sir," the scientist began, "the readings on this one are quite high. We think that maybe you should consider recruiting him." "If you think so, go ahead. I have higher matters to concentrate on." "Um.. we'll be needing some tracking equipment and some transport. Our target seems to be wandering around alot lately and at amazing distances." "Very well. Go and find him." "Er..." the scientist said. "What is it?" the dark man rumbled. "I am sorry my lord, but I have lost track of things. Is your title curretly Bison or Vega?"

*FWOOSH*

[Sunday]

From the balcony view, the city was sprawled out below, a sight of jewels in the night for them to view. It was a perfect night, many would say, for blossoming love.  
Manami Hinako looked at the young man sitting next to her. She wondered if he felt the same way that she felt. Tonight... tonight she would find out.

It was several days ago when this mysterious man came into her life. Being an Asian in San Francisco wasn't bad, but she had just recently moved there with her family from Japan. Her father had been promoted to overseeing their foreign branch in California. She was feeling sad,  
missing the few friends she had back in Okinawa.  
Her current residence was a rather nice apartment, the fourth floor of a renovated and very beautiful apartment, complete with balcony, on the top of one of San Francisco's many hills. As she overlooked San Francisco at sunset from her balcony, she sighed, wishing that she wasn't so shy.

Meanwhile, down below, a young person of Japanese origin was staggering, slowly, to the top of the hill. He was exhausted, more so than he'd been in a while. On top of that, he hadn't had a proper meal for days.  
He was still a man without an identity.  
And he still couldn't get to where he wanted to go... which his hazed memory told him was Japan, for some reason.  
And there was this primal fear of cold water that he'd had... for some reason it just terrified him.  
It wasn't fair, he thought. What did he do to deserve being in this situation? He felt a wave of angst hit and angrily smashed his fist into a nearby building. "WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?!"

Far above, Manami was sitting on the railing, enjoying the breeze. Her parents had often told her it wasn't a safe thing to do, but to her there was no better way to enjoy the view and the breeze.  
Then the building shuddered, catching her entirely by surprise. She wanted to scream, feeling panic rush through her as she felt herself slip off of the railing, and tumble through the air. She screamed, panic taking over her mind...

The young man sighed, looking at the rather big dent he'd put in the building's side. He realized that he shouldn't have done it, but he just needed some sort of release for his frustrations. He hoped nobody noticed. Then he blinked. Seemed that there was something loud approaching. Sounded kind of like... a scream? He raised his weary head and his eyes grew wide in surprise as he saw somebody falling right towards him.

Suddenly, Manami's downward fall halted in a non-painful way. Was death that sudden? How odd. She stopped screaming and opened her eyes slowly... and found herself in the arms of a hansome (although slightly ragged, and very surprised looking) Japanese boy.  
"Ah..." was all she could bring herself to say.  
"Um... hello," he said, unsure of what else to say. He seemed to try to think of the appropriate thing, and carefully, too. Finally, he looked into her eyes.  
"Excuse me," he said, "can you tell me where I am?"  
"You... don't know where you are?" asked she.  
"Ah... no. I'm not in Hong Kong anymore, am I?"  
"Well... no." She blushed as she realized exactly what kind of position she was in.  
He noticed her blush, and asked, "Um, is something wrong?"  
"You... can put me down now," said she.  
His eyes went wide with shock, finally realizing that he'd been holding her close and in his arms for a while now, and gently set her down, then laughed nervously while scratching his head. His look of slight confusion and embarrasment seemed genuine, and somewhat cute. His being from Japan as well certainly appealed to her, and although they were both laughing nervously at the start, somehow she found the courage to ask him to come in, as a show of gratitude for saving her.  
And so, from there, they talked, and talked, and talked more. She found out he was indeed a native of Japan, but for some reason, had no memory until a few weeks ago. Anything beyond that was a collection of unclear images, names, and thoughts. A mystery man, wandering the world trying to find his identity. The whole concept, she thought, was almost too romantic. And he was cute too,  
especially with those little fangs of his. When she found out he had nowhere to go, she couldn't allow him to fend for himself on the streets. She insisted that he stay at her house for as long as he needed to. For once she was very much glad that the work that her parents do often keep them away from home for stretches of days, sometimes weeks. With the help of her credit card (actually, owned by her parents), she proceeded to take him out for the next several days, fixing or (if they couldn't be fixed) replacing his ragged clothes, taking him out to eat,  
and having fun in general. She found herself able to talk to him easily,  
although he still seemed nervous about things. She even cooked for him,  
which was the first time she cooked for any man. Maybe pancakes were too easy to be proud of, but he still enjoyed them, and that made her feel good.

Days passed, and he still couldn't remember his name.

And so it came to this time, with them alone on a romantic night,  
sitting there so close to each other. She decided to go for it. She brushed her long hair to one side and faced him. Touching his chin to turn his face to her, she moved in close for the kiss. Their eyes locked unto each other's, Then he stuttered a name, but not hers.  
She stopped, shocked. "W-what? Who?" she asked. He looked dazed. "I... I'm sorry. I've got to go. I think... I think I remember somewhere I need to be."

[Monday]

"Ranma, did you invite Ukyou to dinner yet?" Akane asked. The couple was worried about her since she had kept her store closed for several days now and hadn't talked much to either of them at all. Akane was hoping to tell her about her run-in with Kodachi in disguise. "Yeah," he answered, "but Gosunkugi said she was busy." "Gosunkugi was there?" "Yup. Said she was busy cleaning up the place." "Oh." Ranma looked disturbed. "What else did he say?" Akane asked. "Oh? Um, well, he said Ukyou thought she saw Ryouga on television and she was getting hysterical about it."  
"I guess she really loved him." Akane replied. She went over and hugged Ranma. "Don't you ever dissapear on me, you got that?" "Hey," he said, smiling, "of course not." Akane tensed up for a moment and then let go. "Something wrong?" wondered Ranma.  
"Oh, no." While hugging Ranma, Akane was facing the television. They were doing a story on the Great Wall of China. She thought she saw someone familiar in the background. Could that have been him? No,  
impossible. "Um, nothing's wrong. Nevermind."  
Inside, Ranma was having lingering doubts about Ryouga's demise himself. No, they never did find Ryouga's body. But he was in pig form then, and Ranma saw the bridge destroyed in the massive explosion afterwards. If the shishi houkou-dan didn't kill Ryouga, the concrete certainly would have. And then there was the river, which was high that night and flowing very fast. Ryouga was either incinerated, crushed, or drowned. {But they never found the body} He thought. That fact tugged at his brain for the rest of the night.

On an outside market in China, a ragged figure wobbled through the streets. He still couldn't remember his name. All he knew was that he had traveled a long way and had to keep traveling. He was still angry about that insanely long wall that somebody put in there. He walked left. He walked right. The damn thing seemed endless. This infuriated him, and so he started punching it, which made a crack but nothing more. Then, seized by memory, he pointed a finger and yelled "bakusaitenketsu!" while poking the wall. It cracked, then exploded,  
leaving a nice open walkway inbetween. At a marketplace he stopped. Something caught his eye. He reached down and picked up a traditional Chinese umbrella that was for sale. It had a straight wooden shaft and red cloth. It seemed very heavy. He held it in one hand, examining it carefully. He twirled it. He swung it. He opened it up and flung it into the sky, where it zoomed high. "Hey!" the shopkeeper yelled. "What the hell are you doing?" The umbrella did a figure-8 in the sky and returned to ragged figure's hand. He grinned.  
The shopkeeper was speechless.

[Friday]

Ukyou and Gosunkugi were playing poker late one night. He was happy about this, since Ukyou was the first girl to actually be his friend. She had invited him over for poker several nights in a row now. With a little bit more effort, maybe she'd be more than a friend? Ukyou was looking at the hand she had to work with. A two, a three, a jack, an ace, and a six. Junk. She looked up for a moment to think and so looked briefly at the television which was left on. She gasped. "Ukyou? What's wrong?" Gosunkugi asked. She shook her head as if to clear it. "Nothing, nothing." On the television, a newsman was doing a report on the economic summit in Korea. The reporter was speaking live from outside a rather important looking building. Behind him, a rather confused looking figure was holding a map, upside down.

[Days later]

In a park somewhere, a young couple was testing the waters of romance. They were in a park, high up atop a flight of many stairs on top of a hill, where they first met. They were both looking nervous. The boy was determined to tell the girl how he felt once and for all, without annoying distractions like pervert friends, annoying siblings, or the girl who _thought_ she was his girlfriend. None of that. Just the two of them. "Ayukawa, I..." the young man stuttered, and then suddenly held his head, as if getting a headache. "What's wrong? You look so sad all of the sudden." the girl said,  
looking genuinely concerned. She took hold of his hand. "The world..." the young man muttered, suddenly looking very glum, "is a cold and lonely place." "What?"

Meanwhile, a bandana-clad figure walked away down some nearby stairs,  
idly counting "94... 95... 96... 97...98..."

[More days pass]

Deep in a forest area, a bandana-clad young man strode through,  
searching for something but not quite not knowing what. He had traveled endlessly, and his endurance had finally run out. He collapsed. "Young man, are you alright?" an old voice asked. He looked up. "Help... me..." The old man dragged him into his house, where two others were in training. "Ken! Straighten your leg on that form! That's better." the old man snapped. "Just because you win a couple of American tournaments does not mean you become lax in your technique." "Yes, sensei!" the blond young man yelled. {Jeez} he thought {just came in for a friendly visit and the old man turns it into boot camp!}  
"Ryu, help me bring this young man in!" "Yes sensei!" the other man said.

The sun set in Tokyo, with stormclouds rolling over the city quickly.

The sign said, in big letters, "ABSOLUTELY NO WOMEN ALLOWED." Hitomi wasn't amused. She'd just returned from her vacation from work only to find this absurd and sexist little signboard blocking the way to the rest of the sublevel. She was in charge of this sublevel, it was her duty to check on the whole area, supplies, patients, and any other things that need attention. She would have asked someone why on earth such a stupid sign was put up, but today there were very few people on duty and she just didn't have the patience to listen to an explanation. She tore the sign down and walked in.

"Tell me, have you found this young man that you had targeted yet?" "Yes, my lord." the scientist nervously said. "He was in Seoul, Korea a week ago. We're sending in a retrieval team to investigate now." "No." "No, master?" "I'll find him myself. We've just lost our agent in Japan, and I wish him to be our replacement. It's become more important to obtain him now." "Yes master." The large figure of the commander glided out the door, his form glowing with red, blue, and purple swirls of ki-power.

It was a Dark and Stormy Night...

As it was standard practice in any Dark and Stormy Night, this one had some trouble brewing.

Lightning flared and snaked it's way down to earth. Of all the places it could have struck, this surge of energy struck one particular spot and...

Deep in an underground chamber, something stirred. Monitor equipment,  
warning systems, and other security devices long dormant sprung to life. Red lights and loud horns activated, indicating an incident of the utmost emergency. Staff scrambled everywhere in their white medical coats manning their stations. The head administrator, Shiro Fujimoto, stormed into the control room. He looked at all the monitors. "Give me a status report!" he yelled. "Sir! We lost power temporarily but the backup generators will be on line in two minutes!" "That's good." the administrator relaxed. Then one of his staff yelled in panic. "Sir! Subject H has somehow escaped from his bonds and the ki-dampeners have been overloaded! He's still in his room but we don't know how much longer we can hold him back!" "What? Dammit!" Shiro didn't want to deal with Subject H. It was a worst case scenario. The kind of situation that ruins careers. "How? How did he get out? We took all precautions! What's going on in there?" "Sorry sir, but he knocked out all surveilence cameras in the room." "Damn! Are the priests on their way?" "Yes sir! But they're stuck in traffic!" "Damn it all! Why now?!" "Sir! He's broken out of his room! Our forces are trying to hold him in the corridor!" "Shit! Close all the ventilation shafts! Have guards posted around the elevator shaft at all floors! Secure the stairwells!" "Sir! He's breached the corridor and is heading for the elevator!" Shiro paled. "GET ALL THE WOMEN OUT OF THE BUILDING! NOW!"

In the distance the sound of exploding bombs sang alongside the thunder, and the laughter of lechery echoed eerily into the night.

[days later]

The old man looked upon his newest student with a bit of worry. "Ryu, tell me, what do you think of this new one?" he asked. The young asian man next to him answered, "He had been in a tremendous battle. That much is obvious, since it would explain why he bears such scars and has even lost memory of his past." "Indeed." "Fighting seems to come natural to him, as he executes basic attacks with ease, and has surprised me by already learning the Shoryuken even though he has been here only for a few days." "Go on." "He is abnormally depressed and contains much anger as well..." "You noticed this too, eh?" "I took him to the waterfall to train, but he seems to have a great fear of water, especially cold water." "Oh? I did not know this." The old man wrinked his brow. "He says he does not know why." "Hm." "And furthermore, he has no sense of direction." "Yes, I noticed that too. Must be brain damage from a past battle."

Meanwhile, nearby, the topic of the conversation continued to practice his martial arts, trying to sort things out in his mind.

The Shoryuken, the rising dragon punch, was easy for him to master. He still spun out of control a little bit on the ascent, but it was still effective as a weapon in combat. {Heh, a new technique to use against Ranma!} he thought. Then he stopped. {Who's Ranma?} he wondered. He got conflicting memories. An image of a young man with a pigtail stealing bread came to mind. Then the image of a redhead with a torn shirt sprung up. Then the memory of the girl giving him a deep kiss unveiled itself and he shivered in disgust for some reason. {Must be an old girlfriend I hated or something like that.}  
he thought.  
He couldn't seem to master the other special techniques of this school,  
such as the whirlwind kick or the Hadouken. He did surprise everyone when on a particularly trying day he concentrated and yelled "Full Shishi Houkou-dan!", blowing up major parts of the forest in the process.  
The sensei seemed saddened at the fact that he displayed such power. The blond student asked him, "why do you seem upset? It seems to be a strong technique."  
The old man replied, "to master the Shishi houkou-dan, one must be dark, empty, or shattered in spirit. For a young man of his age to already master it would mean that his life is tragic indeed. He must be getting parts of his memory back, and they must not be very good ones at all."

The young man stopped in his exercises once more. He stared at a pond nearby, mesmerized by the ripples on it's surface. Something was nagging at him. Something just on the tip of his tongue... June... Junk... Junko... "JUSENKYO!" The two observers looked at him oddly. "I must go to Jusenkyo!" He yelled. He ran up to the old man. "Sensei! Do you know where Jusenkyo is?" "The cursed training grounds? I do not think that this is wise!" The old man realised that this may explain his great aversion to water. "I must go there! My past is there!" "Hm. No wonder your ki is tainted with tragedy. That place is never a good place to visit. If you feel you must go... it is 200 miles east of here. I strongly suggest that you take a bus." "Thank you sensei!" he yelled. The young man ran off. "He left," the young man said. He seemed surprised. "You are surprised?" "You knew he would leave?" the young man asked. "I suspect he is linked to another student that used to attend here. Do you remember Dan Hibiki?" "Yes. Come to think of it, they are much alike. I wonder if they are related in some way." The old man and his student stood there, watching the sun set. "Nah." both said, and went off to attend to other business.

[Another week goes by...]

Someone knocked at the door of Ucchan's. Ukyou went to the front door to answer, and opened the door to what appeared to be a large bush. "Tsubasaaa!" She growled, grabbing her spatula. "FTD delivery m'am!" The bush said in a panic. Ukyou took another look. It wasn't exactly a bush. It was a bouquet. A rather big one. Nice looking too. "Oh, sorry." She said. The overwhelmed delivery man brought the flowers in. "Put it by the window please?" Ukyou asked. "Um... who's it from?" "There's a card that came with it, m'am." The man said, setting the floral arrangement down. After the delivery man left, Ukyou looked at the card that came with the jumbo-FTD arrangement.

Dear Ukyou,

How's things at the restaurant? I wonder if you've finally opened it to the public again, since you do make the best okonomiyaki in town. Anyways, I'm just writing because I'm already out of town and will be stuck in California visiting relatives for the holidays. I'll be back at the start of next month, hopefully. I guess I was just worried since you always seemed so depressed. Cheer up, okay? Here's your Christmas gift!

\- Hikaru Gosunkugi

"Well," she said, smiling a bit, "that was sweet." She looked at the flowers some more, and then moved them next to the front door. Then she flipped a sign on the door. Ucchan's was back in business.

A tired figure scrambled through the bush. "Where is it... where is it... *whack* stupid grass... *whack* stupid trees... I could swear it was around heeeeAAAAAAAAAARGH!"

The Jusenkyo guide looked up from his recliner chair and put down his magazine. He reached over and turned off his CD player. He looked around. "Someone there? Hello? Anyone? Nihao?" He could have sworn he heard something. He resumed his reclined position looking over several of the glimmering acursed pools, looked sadly at the remaining devastation, and resumed reading his magazine.

A figure sat on the roof of the Tendo home, staring absently at the night sky. This was usual, normally.  
However, on this night, it wasn't Ranma. Tonight, it was Akane's turn to use the Tendo roof for contemplation. The current topic on her mind was her relationship with Ranma. And finally, she could smile about it.  
Things, she thought, were finally looking up.  
Until recently, a very disturbing thought kept on nagging at her. That thought was that her relationship with Ranma was just a product of passion spice and Mousse's schemes. From the moment she overheard him until now,  
she'd pushed the doubts to the back of her mind, trying to forget what she'd overheard from Mousse. But when she'd heard Mousse was leaving, it was a now or never situation. If she didn't ask now, then she would never know the truth.

She'd managed to catch them at the pier, just before they left.  
Cologne and Shampoo were already on board, but Mousse had, fortunately for Akane, lingered for a while longer, wishing to view Tokyo one last time before leaving.  
It was while he was turning around to take his last glance at the city that his view was obscured by Enraged Akane Tendo. He was no fool. He'd seen enough of Ranma being abused to know he was in trouble.  
"Ah... Akane! What a surprise!"  
"C'mere, you," she growled in reply, grabbing him by the shirt, and dragged him off to the side of a building, where things were more private. Mousse's mind was in a panic. What could have happened? Why was she THIS mad? She couldn't have found out... that was impossible. "What have you DONE to me!" she hissed.  
"What... ah... what are you talking about, Akane Tendo?"  
"Thanks to you, my life is a LIE!" she barked.  
"What have I done to-"  
"The spice."  
Mousse turned pale, then looked around anxiously. "Shh!"  
"Don't you shh me!"  
"You don't want the old ghoul to hear this!" he hissed. "If she does,  
we're all in trouble again! Do you want Shampoo chasing Saotome again?"  
That bit of logic sobered Akane up quickly. She calmed down, but still had a death-inducing look in her eyes. "Why did you do this? WHY?"  
"Didn't everything work out for the best?" argued Mousse. "The old monkey and Shampoo are leaving, I got Shampoo, you got Ranma..."  
"But he doesn't love me! I don't love him! This is all just because of the passion spice!"  
Mousse looked straight into her eyes. "So... you never loved him before?"  
"I... I..." Akane's anger weakened even more under Mousse's calm gaze.  
Did she love him before? Akane wondered about that.  
"Can you honestly tell me you did not have feelings for Saotome in the past?" said Mousse.  
"I... I think I did..."  
"And do you think he did not care about you before?"  
"N-no... he never treated me like...""  
"How many times did he come to your rescue? How many times has he risked his life, just for you?" All traces of anger melted away from Akane's face, replaced by a strange expression of bittersweet emotions.  
"Remember Togenkyou Island? He destroyed our cure, just for you. I don't think he would do that for someone he hates."  
"But... what about the spice..."  
Mousse smiled. "The spice? It's been a long while since you ate the spice. It wore off already. Do you deny that you still love Saotome?"  
"Well... no."  
"Then all I did," said Mousse, "was make you and Ranma be honest." Mousse smiled. Akane couldn't help but smile as well. The sound of the ship horn blowing reminded Mousse of pressing matters. "Well, Akane Tendo," said Mousse with a smile, "I must go now. It was... an interesting time here, but now I must go home. I wish you and your fiancee the best."  
"Thanks, and good luck with Shampoo," replied Akane.  
"Thank you. And I think it's for the best if you don't tell anyone about this conversation," he said with a wink. Mousse walked away from Akane, into the ship, and dissapeared into the crowd, leaving the Tendo girl alone with her thoughts...

At the penthouse of the Tokyo Hilton, three people were throwing a small celebration of sorts. Megane, Kyoko, and Ryoko, recent visitors of Nerima. The celebration had been going on for a few weeks now, which was how long the credit card they found in the rubble beloning to Ryo Muhoshin was lasting. This was the climax of several weeks of reckless spending by the trio. Anyone else would call this cold hearted. Had they known more about who these three were, and whose death they were celebrating, people would reconsider the 'cold-hearted' judgement. The three of them were, at the moment, coming down from a sugar high resulting from downing several cases of soda and an incredibly heavy dinner. Megane was feeling happy, and Kyoko was her usual bubbly self,  
but Ryoko couldnt' shake that mellow feeling that was haunting her. She knew why.  
She lingered out to the balcony, champagne glass (filled with the best cola Ryo's credit could buy) and looked out across the night. Ryo's death was earlier than expected... much earlier... but still, it wasn't an extreme surprise. Especially given the amount of people he'd made enemies of in his life. But Ryouga...  
"I didn't even get a chance to say hello again," she whispered sadly.  
She wondered. Did he remember her? How would he have reacted? It was too late for that now. All far too late.  
A falling star streaked across the night sky. She saw it and made a wish. "I wish... I wish Ryouga was alive." As the falling star winked out of existence, she added absently, "oh yeah, Ryo too."

Cologne was busy packing away things on the ship cabin they had obtained as part of their return to China. She looked a bit tired, and felt older than she was. Shampoo, helping her with the luggage, noticed something was wrong. "Great-grandmother, what wrong?" "I just feel like I need a vacation. Being stuck with Mousse as a son-in-law is trying on the nerves and I do not wish to deal with any more strangeness. Not for a while anyways. I guess it is good that we are returning home at last." Shampoo looked sadly at her great-grandmother. "We really give up on Ranma, great-grandmother?" "No choice anymore. I don't believe Mousse outschemed me. Even though we are returning home with a husband for you, I still feel dishonored. If he's to be my son-in-law, I'll make life hell for him." Shampoo nodded, then left the cabin.

On the deck, Mousse looked out over the waters to the slowly dissapearing sight of Tokyo. "Goodbye, my friends," he murmered. As to the matter of Akane Tendo, Ranma Saotome, and the passion spice, he was relieved that his plan worked so very well. As for the truth of the matter on the lingering effects of the passion spice, he had no idea.  
Small dosages of passion spice create temporary feelings of love. That much is known. Mousse used quite a lot of it, and there was no telling what effect it would have. He certainly wasn't going to tell that to an enraged Akane, and was proud of the way in which he talked himself out of that mess. Was Saotome's relationship a lie? Was it artificial happiness that they felt? As long as they were happy, thought Mousse, it doesn't matter. It didn't matter to him, anyways. Just as long as he had a better chance with Shampoo now. Granted, she was still pounding him into the ground on a regular basis, but she wasn't chasing after anyone either.  
"Mousse? You here?" Shampoo called. "Shampoo?" Mousse was surprised. She was _looking_ for him? "What are you doing up here?" I just wanted to see the view she said, in Chinese. She stared out into the city lights. It will be good to see China again, but I think I'll miss this place.  
Oh. he said. He turned back to look at the city as well. You remember when we were playing by the beach when we were kids?  
asked Shampoo. Yeah said Mousse. Those were nice days.  
Yes, they were. she said quietly. Even though you always kept shoving me into the water... said Mousse. You always talked to the driftwood, or the crabs, or the fish, or a passing dog. And you called them Shampoo! You were always so stupid,  
Mousse.  
Mousse frowned and look at Shampoo. To his surpise, there was a slight hint of a smile on her face. Always so stupid... she said quietly, looking out into the horizon. It will be nice to go back home.

The young man angrily stomped through the thick foliage of the jungle,  
limping and looking very much on the edge of madness. Damn this green... green... stuff! He swore he'd join the "Pave the Earth" foundation if he ever got out of there. And if he'd ever get his memory straight. He was getting hurt, alot, because of some of the hazzards that the plants sometimes covered up. He almost fell off of a cliff once. Then there were the unexpected nuisances. He was stomping around minding his own business when a group of gaijin lunatics pop out of the bush and start yelling at him about getting in the way of their cameras and the pandas. A film about pandas! How mundane! He muttered a silent curse against all gaijins as he stomped through the wilderness. He swatted some tall grass with the red umbrellla (he picked it up in China) angrily and stomped onward. Suddenly, he felt a chill and turned around. A large figure, clad in a black military outfit and matching cape stood there. No, that wasn't quite right. The dark figure _hovered_ there. He also was surrounded by a fiery energy that pulsed blue, purple, and deep red. "You," the dark man rumbled, "have great potential. I extend to you an invitation to join my ranks."  
"Why should I?" "Join me, and I will give you wealth, prestige, and show you true power. The dark powers of the soul. Psycho power."  
"Psycho Power?" the young man sneered, "It's nothing I've heard of." "Oh?" The dark man began to flare. He grinned evily. "But then, in your current state, you've heard of very little. Isn't that true?"  
He had to admit, that was true.  
The Shadoloo Lord considered the boy before him carefully. "Perhaps I am being too generous... but I shall aid you. I sense a kindrid spirit in you. It pleases me to see such a thing."  
"What... kinda of aid do you offer?"  
"Come closer, and I will show you." The Shadoloo Lord's armored hands began to glow with an unnatural purple, red, and black flame. The boy felt compelled to step forward, despite the fear he felt. The military man reached forward quick as lightining and grabbed him by the skull. Dark flames flared around them. Two voices were heard in the deep of the jungle. One was laughing The other was screaming.

\- end part 12 - 


	14. A Sort of Homecoming

==================== PART XIII A Sort of Homecoming =====================

[New Year's Day, 2:00am]

Time was supposed to heal all wounds. It was working, but not as fast as she hoped it would. However, it was the holiday season, and Ukyou had made the best of it.

She was walking home, escorted by Ranma and Akane, from the New Year's party held at the Tendou hall. It was as grand as the last one, with guests throughout the neighborhood invited.  
"Hey guys, thanks for walking me home." said Ukyou. "No problem. I mean, it's late already and you're carrying all this stuff," Ranma said, referring to the ridiculous amount of prizes Ukyou had won in the poker tournament, "and with you carrying all this stuff alone,  
somebody might try to rob ya." "After all," said Akane, "what are friends for?"

Somewhere in town, a figure walked, wearing a dark overcoat to shield himself from the cold weather. He held an umbrella up to shelter himself from the snow that was flowing in flurries. He would have been like the many others who were traveling through the streets at this time, except for two outstanding characteristics. First of all, he was at the very top of a skyscraper. Second, his eyes were glowing a fiery purple. He seemed to look for something, searching through the city with narrowed eyes, then locked on to a sight far below.  
Then he faded into nothingness.

As the trio of Ukyou, Akane, and Ranma approached Ukyou's restaurant,  
they noticed someone hiding in the shadows, waiting in front of Ukyou's door. "Hey," Ranma whispered, "get behind me. Someone's there." The trio approached the restaurant slowly, getting a better look at the figure in the shadows. Finally, they were standing next to him. The person was leaning on the door, in a reclined position, and had an umbrella covering the upper half of the body from view and a dark overcoat covering the rest of the clothing. "I think he's asleep." Ranma whispered. "Oh, why's that?" Akane whispered back. A loud buzzsaw snore erupted from under the umbrella. They blinked. "Wait a minute..." Ukyou said, "that umbrella..." It seemed to be a simple bamboo umbrella with red cloth. It also seemed to be very familiar. "No way," she said, "it can't be." She rushed forward. "Ukyou! Wait!" Ranma said, trying to stop her. Ukyou pushed the umbrella aside, and the there of them gasped in shock.  
"RYOUGA!" He woke up startled. "WHAT? WHAT?" He yelled. Then with tired eyes,  
he looked at the stunned trio. "Oh. Akane, Ukyou, er.. Ranma. Hey,  
guys, how've you been? Sorry I missed the Christmas party." He staggered up to his feet. "Ryouga you numskull, where've you been!" Ukyou yelled, and then wrapped him in a tight embrace, knocking him over.. "You jerk! We thought you were dead!" Ryouga wasn't quite sure what to do in this situation. It certainly wasn't an unpleasant sensation, being wrapped up... er, embraced tightly... on the ground... by Ukyou like this. Hm... no, definitely not unpleasant. But he was still feeling a bit strange inside. It didn't help that Akane was there looking at the two of them. "Er... um..." he said with all his dignity. "Heeey," Ranma said, "check out the hot couple." "Don't embarrass them!" Akane said, elbowing Ranma slightly. Ukyou froze. {Hey! What the hell am I doing?} She quickly rolled off of Ryouga. "Er..." she said eloquently. Ukyou and Ryouga immediately got up and started brushing the snow off. "Um, er, well, hey, friend, buddy, amigo!" Ryouga said, glancing nervously at Akane and patting Ukyou on the back in a way that said (Yes, we are merely friends! Very good friends, but still only friends!) "Er, hey, good friend, humble sidekick, pal'o'mine, er, hey!" Ukyou said, glancing nervously at Ranma and patting Ryouga in the back in a way that said (Certainly! Merely a platonic relationship here!) Ranma turned his eyes up in a way that said (Whatever.) "C'mon, let's get inside and celebrate!" Akane said, in a tone of voice that said (C'mon, let's get inside and celebrate!)

[3:00am]

The celebration, while a happy one, only lasted a few minutes. This was mainly because everyone was already extremely tired to begin with. The main topic of the night was what on earth Ryouga had been doing for the past month. He was willing to say that he had amnesia for quite a while and wandered around alot of strange places doing odd jobs. However,  
since they were all tired, everyone agreed that Ryouga would go into greater detail tomorrow, over dinner at the Tendou's.

Ukyou shut all the windows and locked all the doors, with a tired but happy Ryouga sitting peacefully at a table drinking some hot tea. He was glad to be back, after wandering around so long. How much time passed?  
A month? Well, now he was back, and he was glad to be back.  
"Well, get some rest Ryouga. You look a little tired," said Ukyou.  
Ryouga smiled, got up, and then realized something.  
"Um, Ukyou, where's my room?" He grinned, somewhat embarrased, and scratched the back of his head.  
Ukyou sighed, but smiled. He was cute when he's embarrased, she thought. "C'mon, stupid, it's this way." She took him by the hand, which set off a deep crimson blush from Ryouga (which Ukyou somehow failed to notice, as she failed to notice all the other times before), and led him to the attic door. "Well, here's your room."  
"Ah... thanks."  
Before Ryouga could reach for the doorknob, Ukyou wrapped him in a hug.  
"Welcome back," she said quietly, then departed for her own room.  
Ryouga stood there, totally at a loss for words.

His mind, such as it was, became blank.  
The nighttime sky over Nerima was peaceful and quiet. Akane and Ranma looked out to the skyline, in each other's arms. It was a beautiful end to a beutiful day. As the snow fell all around them, they turned to each other and kissed.  
They didn't notice the flares of purple light coming from the warehouse district.

[4:00 am]

He shook his head, trying to clear out the haze that seemed to be clouding it.  
It was dark.  
It was windy.  
It was cold.  
Those were the first three things that entered his mind.  
The fourth thing was that, obviously, he was lost.  
Something was wrong. How did he get there? What was going on? He touched a hand to his head. He absentmindedly wondered when he put on gloves.  
As his fingers touched his face, they felt slick, wet, sticky...  
He raised his hand up to the pale moonlight and could barely see what it was, but the smell was unmistakable.  
"Blood..." he mumbled in shock. "Blood?"  
He looked at his other hand. It was also covered in blood.  
What the hell happened?  
He got up fast, looking around. He was at a warehouse. In front of it,  
actually. He unsteadily took a few steps forward and peeked into the warehouse.  
Blood was everywhere. The floor, the walls, the windows. The stench of it was everywhere. Then there were the bodies. For the most part,  
they were stabbed and bludgeoned.  
Who, he wondered, did this? Me? He looked down to his gloved and bloody hands. Then something caught his attention.  
It was an umbrella, a bamboo one, and it was drenched in blood. He took a few steps back, stunned. "I... I don't remember..."  
But looking around, there was only one thing to assume.  
He did it.  
He was a killer. In his mind he could remember every little detail. And why? Oh, of course, it was the favor that the Lord of the Shadoloo asked of him. Naturally, he'd get compensated richly. He was just hoping to rest a while longer before he went to work. After all, he had just come back to town and was just getting ready to sleep, when suddenly...  
this happened.  
But why didn't he remember?

Thousands of miles away, the Lord of the Shadoloo stood in his chamber.  
He grinned. It was a job well done indeed, and nothing could tie him to the crime. What a useful little puppet, that umbrella-weilding boy. He didn't even suspect what really happened...

[January 2: Morning News]

"This is network 23 reporting to you live at a crime scene where several yakuza members were found dead this morning at a warehouse by the docks. The only clue police have at the moment is a bloody umbrella..."

[Afternoon]

"So, what inspired this?" Ukyou asked. "I, ah... managed to get a little money from my travels. Just wanna splurge a bit. So, what movie do you wanna see?" Ryouga said. The two of them stood outside a movie theater, examining the choices. "Um... if you don't mind... I did want to see that new romantic comedy that just came out." Ukyou asked. {Damn. I guess the new Jacky Chan can wait} thought Ryouga. "So, basically, you had no memory and wandered all over the world for a month?" "Yeah. You learn the strangest things that way. Did you know they serve beer at movie theaters in Amsterdam?" Ukyou narrowed her eyes and looked at Ryouga. He was looking at the list of movies, so he unfortunately didn't notice. "And they don't just dump it in paper cups. They actually give you a big glass mug. Surprised me." "Hey, I told you that you shouldn't drink!" said Ukyou, elbowing him. "Er... um..." stammered the surprised Ryouga, "yeah, but I had amnesia." "That's no excuse," Ukyou said, pouting. Ryouga shifted topics, noticing that this wasn't going quite right. "Um... you know what they call a quarter pounder with cheese in France?" "Le quarter pounder?" Ukyou flatly replied. "Royale with cheese." "Ha ha, very funny." "I'm not kidding!"

As Ukyou was watching the movie and having a sip of megajolt cola, she suddenly started to cough violently. "Hey, you okay?" Ryouga asked. He noticed her primarily because he wasn't looking at the screen. At the moment there were things going on that might cause severe blood loss on his part. Already, he was blushing a bit badly.  
Ukyou pointed a finger at the screen. "Well, yeah, it's a bit shocking they'd do a love scene right there next to the river in broad daylight. I mean, they're totally nak-" Ukyou cleared her throat and lightly punched him on the arm. "Not THAT, stupid! Look behind them!" "Eh?" He cautiously looked up and tried to ignore the passionate couple on the screen. "Oh. So THAT'S what all those people were doing there."

In the background, behind two rather passionate people, was a bandanna-clad black piglet, dragging itself out of the river and trudging across the background of the scene.

[Sunset]

Tatewaki Kunou was on patrol once more, strolling down the streets with his bokken by his side. It had been a long time indeed since he had seen his pig-tailed girl, and he suspected the demise of the dread sorcerer Hibiki to be linked to this somehow.  
Kunou thought it should have worked the other way, actually. With Hibiki dead, would the pig-tailed girl not be free once more and race into his arms? Alas, that was not the case. In fact, during the only times he'd seen his beloved pig tailed girl she had reacted very violently to his appearance. Without realizing it, Kunou began soliloquizing. "What holds back the love of my pig tailed goddess? What dark forces are cast upon her heart?" He closed his eyes, concentrating. Then he opened them and raised his voice in anger. "The scoundrel Hibiki must have placed some enchantment upon her before his demise! Yes, that could be the source of her reluctance! Or... or perhaps... perhaps he did not perish as my good servant Sasuke had reported? If he is a mage equal to that rogue Saotome,  
then surely an exploding bridge would be nothing but an inconvenience." He seemed satisfied with that answer for a moment. Then his face darkened once more. "But wait! There indeed lies one more possibility. Yes, one other dark scenario. Perhaps the original dark mage of Furinkan,  
Saotome, has reclaimed the pig-tailed girl as his mistress? I would not put such vile behavior beneath him." Then Kunou stopped. He noticed something standing by the edge of the waterway. Actually, it was floating. "Alas, what manner of creature is this?" Kunou murmured. It was a person. It was perhaps one foot above the ground with it's back turned away from him. It was wearing an overcoat and had an umbrella in one of it's hands. It was glowing with fiery swirls of purple, blue,  
and red around it's figure like a cyclone. "A Demon!" Kunou gasped. He readied his bokken to vanquish this dark visitor from stygian depths. After all, was the banishment of evil not part of his duty? "RETURN FROM WHENCE YOU CAME, DEMON!" Kunou yelled, charging madly at the figure. It turned around too late. It seemed as if it was too tired to dodge even a full Tatewaki Kunou attack complete with pre-strike warning yell. The skill of Tatewaki Kunou did not fail him this night, for his bokken had found it's mark and struck the mysterious demon in the very center of it's chest. Suddenly, Kunou was surrounded by the dark mysterious flames as well. He felt a surge of energy taking over his body and then he stumbled back. His foe also stumbled back, and dropped clumsily to the ground. For the first time, Kuno got a good look at the face of his enemy. He stared in disbelief. "You? It cannot be!" The glowing man got up to his feet, stared angrily at Kunou, purple fire flaring from his eyes. Then he leaned forward and fell on his face. "What? I... cannot fly! I can't fly anymore? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?" Then he looked at Kunou. Kunou was surrounded by a light glow of dark purple and red. It swirled around his body and even around his bokken. "YOU!" the man yelled. "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?" "Silence, you demon! I now know you for what you really are! It was most clever to disguise yourself as a mere mage for so long. You must have abducted my pig-tailed goddess! WHERE IS SHE! I DEMAND AN ANSWER,  
VILE WIZARD!" As quick as lightning, the man grabbed Kunou by his neck before he could dodge and concentrated, trying to regain what he had lost. "Give me back my power!" he yelled. The aura around Kunou flickered for a moment but did not disappear. The man raised Kunou high and threw him high across the skies of Tokyo. "DAMN YOU!" the figure yelled. His aura flared violently for a moment,  
then he dissapeared from sight.

"Ryouga! Hey, you ready yet? Where are you?" Ukyou yelled. It seemed like Ryouga was lost again, _inside_ the restaurant. She sighed and turned around, bumping straight into Ryouga. She gasped and stepped back a bit. "Don't scare me like that!" She yelled. "C'mon, you ready to go? We're gonna be late. Where'd you disappear to anyways?" "Tried to find the front door. Didn't make it." Ryouga said nervously.  
"Well, Ranma and Akane are waiting for us." Ukyou said impatiently. "Oh. Uh oh. Wait." Ryouga said, frowning. "What is it _now_?" asked Ukyou. "Er... did you ever find out why... um... Ranma-chan... um..." "Oh! Er... um. After you dissapeared, I didn't see much point in asking." "Hm. Maybe we should just use the phone to talk to them?" asked Ryouga. "You can't run away from him every time he gets near you, y'know." said Ukyou. That remark stunned Ryouga. {I'm RUNNING AWAY from _Ranma_? I? Me? Run Away? NEVER! Well he did kiss me and... NO! I do NOT run away from my enemies!}  
Ryouga suddenly looked confident. "Guess we'll confront him about it today."

Tatewaki stood at his practice hall with his bokken at his side.

He was smiling.

"The Gods themselves have imparted upon me the means which will allow me to forever vanquish all dark forces in all of Japan! I am unstoppable! Unbeatable! Foes shall tremble at my feet! Shadows shall shrink at my approach! The very heavens shall cheer on as I, Tatewaki Kunou, the Blue..."

Kunou paused, uncertain.

"No. Somehow that seems to be no longer appropriate." Kunou examined himself and the strange aura that now surrounded him. "Purple Thunder? There is certainly plenty of that color swirling around me. Plenty of crimson and blue as well. Many a dark color indeed." He concentrated for a moment. "Hm... ah! Just the thing. I am now... the Dark Thunder of Furinkan High!" yelled Kunou, and as if on cue, thunder rumbled in the distance. His thoughts turned to other matters, like his enemies. "Ah, Saotome,  
you fiend! And your dark ally Hibiki as well! Tremble, thou wretches,  
that hast within thee undivulged crimes, unwhipp'd of justice!"

The training hall was a wreck. Practice dummies were mutilated and shattered everywhere. There were gashes on the walls and floors. It would take Sasuke a month to repair, at least.

"Hey! What? Tell me what's going on!" Ranma demanded. He had walked into the main room just in time to see both girls glance at him and giggle a bit. Ukyou, Akane, and Ryouga were kneeling down at the table. "I guess that explains everything." Ukyou said, smiling. Ryouga was grinning stupidly and rubbing the back of his head. "They,  
ah, explained something to me."  
"Akane? Wha'd I miss?" Ranma asked. He hated missing a good joke.

They told him about it.

"You idiot! You had 'em thinking I kissed you!" Ranma yelled, grabbing Ryouga by the shirt. "I said I was sorry, didn't I?" Ryouga shot back. "I ought*ACK*" Ranma's tirade was interrupted by an elbow from Akane. "Stop. That. Now." She said. After they calmed down, Ryouga started asking some questions. "So, where's my tombstone?" "You don't have one," Ranma flatly said, "you've got an umbrella." "An umbrella?" "Yeah, next to the bridge you destroyed." he answered. "Oh." "Hey, P-Chan," Ranma said. "Who's P-Chan?" Ryouga flatly replied. He smiled briefly and then grabbed Ranma by the shirt collar. "You wanna settle this outside?" "Fine by me, ya pig." Ranma said. They both grinned. It was too long since they fought each other.

"Come on you two! Ryouga just got back yesterday and now you're fighting again?" Akane yelled. Ryouga and Ranma were poised on opposite sides of the pond, waiting for the other to make the first move.  
Ranma was deeply concerned about the situation. "Ryouga, are you _sure_ you want to fight _here_?" he asked, nervously glancing at Akane,  
then at the fish pond.  
"As if you can beat me." Ryouga snorted. "Your funeral," Ranma said, leaping across and aiming a foot at Ryouga's head. "Maybe ours," Ryouga said, as he took the impact of the foot in the stomach and then grabbed Ranma in a bear hug. Then he jumped off the rock (using the patented Martial Arts Super Jump (TM)) with Ranma still in his grip. "Are you insane?!" Ranma yelled, pounding at Ryouga's head with his free arm. "We're gonna land in the water!" They started descending towards the water. "Ryouga, what are you doing?!" Ukyou yelled. "She'll kill us!" Ranma yelled, glancing again at Akane. "I don't care anymore." Ryouga flatly replied. "Noooo!" *SPLASH*  
They landed in the pond with a big splash. Akane went to the water's edge. Ukyou was waiting for the moment when Akane would go balistic when she found out her pet pig that she had brought to bed so many times was,  
in fact, Ryouga. More specifically, she was getting ready to grab Ryouga before Akane could kill him and run as fast as she could.

Akane saw Ranma-chan's head surface, partially out of the water somewhat like an aligator's. "Hey, Ranma, where's..." She stopped. She noticed that Ranma-chan was wearing a bandana. Her hair was a darker shade of red too, almost black. Come to think of it, that girl didn't even look like Ranma. The headband... the facial features... and then those fangs... "R-Ryouga?" Akane asked. Ryouga-chan emerged from the pool, dragging a very wet Ranma-chan with her. "Ryouga? What happened to you?" Akane asked. "Don't kill me!" Ranma said, and covered her head with her hands. "What are you talking about?" asked Akane. Ranma finally looked up to see _who_ exactly had dragged him out of the pool. Her jaw dropped. "Ryouga?"

After the boys-turned-girls dried off, they all went inside the Tendou home and sat around the table. Kasumi entered and brought in some snacks. "I thought you four might be a little hungry." She said. Kasumi glanced at the four girls. Internal stabalizers kicked in. "Oh, Ryouga! Nice to see that you're not dead. Welcome back." she said sweetly, and went to the kitchen. The four looked on as she walked away. "How'd she...?" said Ukyou. Ryouga checked herself. Yup, still a girl. How did Kasumi know...? He shrugged and wrote it off as uncanny intelligence and went back to the business at hand. "Well," Ryouga began, glancing at Akane, "I was ... just wandering around for a while when suddenly..."

Ryouga scrambled through the bush. "Where is it... where is it...  
*whack* stupid grass... *whack* stupid trees... I could swear it was around heeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEeAAAAAAAAAARGH!"

*splash*

The Jyusenkyou guide looked up from his recliner chair and put down his magazine. He reached over and turned off his CD player. He looked around. "Someone there? Hello? Anyone? Nihao?" He could have sworn he heard something. He resumed his reclined position looking over several of the glimmering acursed pools, looked sadly at the remaining devastation, and resumed reading his magazine.

If he'd turned around, he would have seen a young, bandanna-clad person falling off a cliff and directly into a spring. But alas, such is fate,  
and it wouldn't have made a difference anyways.

Someone tapped the Jyusenkyou guide's shoulder. He woke up. "Oh sirs! Greetings and welcome to Jyusen... en..."  
The reason for his sudden stop was because he finally saw what it was that had just woken him up.

"Ook!" It said.

"You fell into the spring of drownd orangutan? BWAHAHAHAHAHA!" Ranma turned on his side, laughing. "Cut it out, Ranma!" Ryouga yelled. "Anyways, that's when I got my memory back in full. The shock of turning into an orangutan brought everything back to me." Ryouga paused. He knew Ranma might get annoying again for this last part of the story. Besides, that's where the bad news was. "Go on..." said Akane. "Well..."

"Oh sir! Let me boil hot water, yes?" the guide anxiously said. "Ook." Ryouga said. Ryouga-orangutan and the guide sat by a fire, watching the kettle boil. "What you come here for? Is very dangerous place!" The guide said. "Ook...ook ook...EEK!" Ryouga said, getting frustrated at his limited vocal capabilities. "Here?" the guide said, offering a sign and some markers. "OOK!" Ryouga said, nodding his head. I've been here already Ryouga wrote. "Oh?" You almost cooked me  
"Oh. So sorry! But I no remember cooking ape." Never mind  
"What you come here for? Is very very dangerous!"  
I'm here for the spring of drowned man  
"Oh no. I am sorry sir. Great mixup in China bureaucracy. Very tragic story." He pointed out to the field of springs and Ryouga noticed a few of them seemed to be filled in and a few more slightly paved over.

"EEEEEK!"

"You mean... you mean... it's gone?" Ranma said. "Yeah. It's gone." Ryouga said. Both of them were looking down at the floor. "How about... how about the spring of the virtuous man?" Ranma asked. "Gone." "Drowned warrior?" "Gone." "Drowned pervert?" "When he gets wet, he'll be himself," Akane whispered to Ukyou. "Gone." "Drowned lawyer?" "Boy, he's desperate," Ukyou whispered to Akane. "Gone." "Is there ANY spring of ANY drowned MALE left?"

"Oh sir, terrible government accident. Take out every pool that drown man, chicken, or dog. Very strange accident in Chinese bureaucracy, yes." "EEK! EEK! EEK!" Ryouga said, walking (sort of) in circles and slapping his head. This was bad. Definitely bad. Being stuck as an orangutan for the rest of his life! "Hm. Maybe sir does not like being orangutan?" DAMN RIGHT I DON'T!  
"Maybe you like try another pool?" "Ook?" he replied. "OOK!" Ryouga said, slapping his head. He realized that he certainly didn't have to stay as an orangutan when when forever. After all, he had a whole selection of pools! The pair ventured in and walked around the pools. Ryouga jumped in to several of them, with the guide giving an explanation. *SPLASH* "squeak" "Oh sirs, that spring of drowned skunk! tragic story of skunk that..." {No way!}  
*SPLASH* "sssssss" "...spring of drowned snake..." *SPLASH* "meow" "...drowned cat..." {Might be fun around Ranma... nah.}  
*SPLASH* "rowrf?" "...panda that drown many year ago..." Ryouga thougth about it for a moment. Mr. Saotome seemed to do pretty well in panda form. It wasn't bad. If there was nothing to eat, he could chew on a tree for a while. Maybe... hm... nah. *SPLASH* "bzzz" "...drowned mosquito..." *SPLASH* "glub..glub..glub.." "...drowned fish..." {How did a fish get drowned in the water?} Ryouga thought. *SPLASH* "Ark ark ark!" "...drowned seal..." *SPLASH* "HONK?" "Oh!" Said the guide with great emotion, his face a mask of sorrow. "That is Nissanniichuan! Spring of drowned Nissan Pathfinder. Very tragic story of Pathfinder I just buy two weeks ago and crash into pond. Very tragic story!" The guide wiped a tear from his eye and felt all the bad memories coming back.

"Oh come on! Now you're joking!" Ranma accused. "Hey, it happened." Ryouga said. "A guy turnin' into a car... sounds like a bad cartoon plot!" "Actually, I think it might be fun," said Ukyou. "We coulda called you 'Turbo Teen', eh Ryouga?"  
"Not really," he said. "I'd just get lost faster.  
"Pathfinder, huh?" said Ranma. "Too bad it won't help with your sense of direction."  
"Shut up Ranma," muttered Ryouga.  
"Well, what happened next?" asked Ukyou.  
"After that, I tried all the other springs left and..." "How about the spring of drowned twins?" Ranma asked. He thought that becoming two seperate boys wouldn't be as bad as turning into a girl. "The guide said that it had weird effects on people already cursed."  
"Damn," Ranma calmly said. Akane was wondering why Ranma was taking the news so well. Denial, maybe? She'd think the news of his cure being destroyed would have devastated him more.  
"Anyways, I figured that I might as well stay human no matter what and went with the spring of drowned girl." "Heh, just don't let Kunou see ya," Ukyou said. "Oh? Why's that?" wondered Ranma. "He's ugly in either form. Now, me on the other hand..." "Oh, you saying I'm not good looking?" "Unsexy, definitely." "Hmph. Sexier than YOU, definitely," said Ryouga-chan. "Oh yeah?" "Yeah!" "I don't think so!" The two naturally inclined girls looked on. "Idiots, both of 'em." Ukyou said, rolling her eyes up. "Definitely." said Akane, nodding solemnly. "AKANE! PIG-TAILED GIRL!" The four looked outside as they saw Kunou running quickly to them. Ukyou, Ryouga-chan, and Akane looked annoyed. Ranma-chan readied herself for the solid puch to the face that she always inevitably gives Kuno when this sort of encounter happens. "Oh, but who is this?" Kunou said, stopping in front of Ryouga. "Get lost, Kunou." Ryouga-chan said. "Ah, another beauty graces the Tendou home? And she even knows of my name? No doubt my legendary reputation has indeed traveled far and wide! Allow me to introduce myself..." Ryouga realized he was still in she-mode. "Too late."  
"I am indeed Tatewaki Kunou, mightiest of all Kendo practitioners, Dark Thunder of Furinkan High." Ryouga took a step back. Kunou grabbed her hand and kissed it. Ryouga jerked her hand away from his lips, grabbed him by the neck, and slammed him face-first into the pavement. "And your name is?" Kunou asked, his face _still_ in the pavement. "You jerk, I'm Ryouga H-" Ryouga was suddenly stopped by Ranma covering her mouth. Ryouga pushed Ranma's hand off of her mouth. "What are you doing?" "You idiot, he's gonna-" Ranma said, before being cut off by Kunou. Kunou stood up quickly. "WHAT? YOU ARE CLAIMED BY THAT SORCERER HIBIKI? HOW DARE HE!" Kunou's newly aquired aura flared around him,  
surprising everyone else. "I knew he might not be dead, and this tragedy solidifies my belief! I shall hunt him down and smite his darkness from this world!" he said dramatically, and whipped his bokken dramatically. A string of dark aura flew from the bokken and impacted with a nearby tree. It was sliced in half. "I shall return victorious!" Kunou yelled, and bounded away. "Damn." Ryouga said. "Shoot." said Ranma. She was looking particularly agitated. "What's wrong with you?" Akane asked. "I forgot to ask him who looks better." she answered, then started laughing hysterically. Ukyou, Akane, and Ryouga-chan booted her into the pond.

Ranma-chan was still in the pond, soaking in the realization that the spring of drowned boy was _gone_. Not just that, but the spring of _any_  
drowned male person had been destroyed in an incredible mistake in Chinese bureaocracy. She was still laughing hysterically. "Ranma, get out of there! You'll catch a cold," Akane said, standing at the doorway. "Leave'em alone, Akane," Ryouga said, "it took me a while to get over the horror too. He'll get over it." "Hey, one thing's still bothering me," Ukyou said quietly, "when we last saw you, it was raining. Do you understand?" She looked at Akane who was fortunately still standing away looking at the soaking Ranma. "I was... er... inconvenienced... for a couple of days... until I had some good luck. I wandered into a public bath, fell in, and managed to steal some clothes. Still didn't remember anything at that point, but I knew by instinct that, er," he made sure Akane was still away, "a cold rain would be disasterous for me, y'know?"  
"And then?" asked Ukyou. "Well, I wandered around again until..."

A small bush snuck sprouted a head and limbs and snuck off. {He's still alive!} Tsubasa angrily thought, {HE is STILL alive!}  
Tsubasa was already laying out blueprints for the next disguise-mech in his head.

Some hours later, Ukyou had gotten a map and they had tracked down Ryouga's travels. To everyone's surprise, he'd managed to walk through Tokyo once before, and within 100 miles several other times. The only problem was that once he got near Tokyo he didn't stop and proceeded to badly overshoot past the city and turn back only after a _long_ distance.  
Basically, Ryouga was traveling in figure 8 loops, with Tokyo as the center of the 8.  
"Wow, I really did some walking," Ryouga said, as he examined the map. "So that _was_ you we saw before," Akane said. "You saw me?" asked Ryouga. "Me and Ranma," Akane said, pointing a thumb at Ranma (who was now doing a full Soun Tendo Wail (TM) in the pond), "were out one night when we saw a guy with a bandana hobbling around a corner. We thougth it might have been you."  
"What's the first thing you remembered anyways?" Ukyou asked, "I mean,  
next to avoiding cold water, that is."  
Ryouga blushed. "Well, um..." he nervously fingered the compass necklace hanging around his neck. "I was reminded of somebody when I was in America. I met her-" "Her?" Ukyou said, raising her eyebrow. "Well, ah... it's just... aheh, I met this girl while I was wandering around, um..."  
"And the point is?" said Ukyou, frowning.  
"Well, I guess it was because of her long hair, or maybe because she cooked pancakes for me at one time, but..."  
"You remembered Ukyou first? How sweet!" said Akane. "Er... well..." Ryouga poked his fingers together and laughed nervously.  
"Me?" said a surprised Ukyou. "Is this true?" "Well, um, she did look kinda like you... that's why," said Ryouga. "You understand, right?" "Oh, yeah, perfectly." said Ukyou, who was smiling a bit.

\- end part 13 -  



	15. Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the

============================== PART XIV Clowns to the left of me Jokers to the right Here I am Stuck in the middle with you ==============================

The grill was sizzling, the sauce was steaming, and the okonomiyaki was flying through the air with marksmanlike precision. It was a surprisingly busy night at Ucchan's. Ukyou was barely able to keep up with the orders, despite the hectic action. People zoomed in and zoomed out, faces were a blur, but at least they were paying. It would have been easier on her if Ryouga had been there, but he'd somehow gotten lost again and she didn't have the time to look for him.  
Finally, after several long and frantic hours, things settled down,  
leaving only three people in the restaraunt. One was a boy with somewhat long hair and round-rimmed eyeglasses, dressed in loose jeans, a t-shirt,  
and with a guitar case next to him. The second was a young girl, maybe 12 years old, with long, flowing brown hair and a bubbly, happy sort of persona radiating from her. The third was a girl at about Ukyou's age,  
with short, tomboyish hair, wearing overalls, and idly twirling a yo-yo while waiting for the other two to finish eating. This one looked slightly nervous. The three didn't look familiar to Ukyou at all. "Go on, ask'er," said the boy in glasses. The little girl nodded in agreement, urging the elder one on. "Excuse me... Miss?" said the girl, waving at Ukyou. "Yes, is there anything you need?" replied Ukyou, walking over. "Refill on the drinks? Something else to order?" "Actually... ah... I was wondering... did you know a person named... Ryouga Hibiki?" "Ryouga?" Ukyou blinked. What did this girl want with him? "Yeah, I do. Why?" "Well... before he died..." "Died? He's not dead." The girl's expression turned from nervousness to hope. "He's not? But... we watched the fight..." "He just fell into the river and got lost for a while," said Ukyou.  
"He's okay! He's alive! That's GREAT!" The girl stopd up and hugged Ukyou happily, then realized that might've been an awkward thing to do. "Oh! I'm sorry... I'm just happy to hear the news."  
"Who are you?" asked Ukyou. "Friend of his?"  
"Well... sort of... although it's been a while since we met. I haven't introduced myself yet, have I? Sorry. I'm Ryoko, this is my younger brother Megane and sister Kyoko." The boy grunted a reply, otherwise ignoring the scene and munching on his okonomiyaki. The little girl cheerfully waved hello. "How do you know Ryouga?" wondered Ukyou. There was a nagging feeling that she had that she refused to identify as jealousy.  
"Well... it was a few years back..."

[Unorthodox Weaponry School of Martial Arts, the past]

Ryoko walked idly through the various dojos and other buildings that was the UWSMA, having nothing to do for the day and she certainly didn't want to be near her older brother, and her other siblings were out on some sort of training trip with their sensei.  
"Um... excuse me..."  
Ryoko turned around to see a rather cute looking boy, clad in a bandanna, looking very lost.  
"Yes?" she asked.  
"Could you tell me where I could find..." he took out a piece of paper,  
"Sensei Miyaji?"  
Sensei Miyaji? She looked at him more carefully. The bandanna, the fangs, that certain lost look...  
"You're Ryouga Hibiki, aren't you?" she guessed.  
Ryouga blinked. "Yes... have we met?" he said, sounding a bit confused.  
Ryoko smiled. She was beginning to like this boy already. "You're the one that beat Ryo, aren't you?"  
"Yeah, I guess," he said, shrugging.  
"You're kinda famous around here, y'know," she said. "Among the students, Ryo was unbeatable until you came along. You're kinda like a hero now."  
"I-I am? I didn't do much, really."  
"Modest too. I like that in a guy," she said, winking at him.  
Amazingly, he missed seeing it. She sighed and took him by the arm.  
"Come on, I'll show you the way..."

"... and after a while, I became his... what's the word... navigator,  
showing him around whenever he'd get lost," said Ryoko with a sentimental smile. "I hadn't seen him in a while, and was back in town to visit."  
"So you came all this way to visit him?" asked Ukyou. "That's...  
nice."  
"Well... that... and... er..." Ryoko fidgeted nervously. "Well...  
it's like this..."

Ryoko, clad in a gi, sat in the dojo with an elderly man in robes,  
with a flowing white beard accenting his face.  
"... and so I've come to you to ask what you can do, sensei," said she.  
The elder man sighed and stroked his beard. "I did not approve of this in the first place, Ryo's assignment to defeat Hibiki. But some of the more pride-driven sensei insisted on it. I cannot call Ryo back."  
Ryoko sighed, frowning. "Then I guess I'll just have to hope Ryouga's stayed in fighting form."  
"Well..." said the old man, "if you could somehow bring Ryouga back into the fold, it would appease the others."  
"Bring him back... how?"  
"Oh... I don't know," he said, shrugging. "Ask him nicely, beg him,  
get him to marry you perhaps?" He gave a tired laugh, then sighed.  
Ryoko, on the other hand, had a sharp, calculating look. "Did you say... marry?"  
"Hrm? Oh, yes, yes, just a joke..."  
"But it would get him out of trouble, right?" asked Ryoko.  
"Well, yes, but..."  
"Thank you Sensei!" she said, springing to her feet. "I won't let you down!"  
"Ah.. wait a minute, wait! That's not what I..."

"... and so my sensei sent me off, hoping to end the conflict peacefully," said Ryoko proudly.  
"And marry Ryouga?" asked Ukyou, looking a little puzzled.  
"Well," she replied, blushing with a smile, "that too."  
Meanwhie, a pale, somewhat gaunt figure slipped into Ucchan's silently. Ryoko seemed startled by his entrance while Ukyou smiled.  
"Hey, Gosunkugi, welcome back!" she said.  
"Gosunkugi?" asked Ryoko as she stared at the voodoo practicioner.  
"Oh... I thought he was someone else..."  
"So," said Ukyou, "how was vacation?"  
"It was nice," he said shyly. This, he felt, was the important moment. He was going to ask Ukyou for a date. It wasn't that he was particularly obsessed with her, not as much as he was with Akane, anyways, but he felt he had something to prove to himself: he could indeed be bold enough to ask a girl to a date. And it just happened to be that Ukyou seemed to be a nice person. "U...Ukyou... I was w-wondering.. ah...

"WHERE ON EARTH AM I NO-..."

Everyone in the resteraunt froze as those words were roared. Megane and Kyoko blinked, shrugged, then resumed eating.  
"That... sounded like Ryouga," said Ukyou, smiling. She headed for the front door, with Ryoko following.  
"R-ryouga? I-it can't be!" mumbled Gosnkugi.

"WHERE ON EARTH AM I NO- oh... Fujiwara street... let's see..." Ryouga unfolded a map and began tracing his current location. "Oh... I see...  
then I go south," he said as he turned west, "then I turn west at the next light." He reached the next light and turned south. Miraculously,  
despite the wrong directions, he got to where he was headed anyways.  
Unfortunately, he didn't notice.  
"Where is Ucchan's from here..." he muttered, getting angry at himself for getting lost to begin with, while right behind him a large sign with lights reading 'UCCHAN'S' flashed quietly. "Damn it... I HATE GETTING LOST!" He felt the anger surge in him, and tried to calm down again. If anything, he learned that loosing control of his temper was a Bad Thing.  
He began to notice that there seemed to be a slight glow of eerie purple light slightly tainting the area. He heard behind him a door open, and turned around. "Ukyou? Is that you?"  
Ukyou stood there, in the door way to Ucchan's, with a shocked expression on her face. Her hand was pointed... Ryouga couldn't tell, at him? Above him? What, he wondered, was bothering her?  
"Ryouga! Look out!"  
Ryouga dodged to the left just as something glowing an unnatural purple slammed into the pavement. Ryouga stood in a defensive position as the purple blaze of fire dimmed, revelaing a sneering, lanky, pale figure in a black suit.

"Hello, Ryouga."

The figure held out his hand and suddenly an ebony umbrella with a razor-sharp tip appeared in his hand. His eyes were alight with the otherworldly aura, and it seemed as if he was actually leaking energy. His hair was swept back, but spiked by the energy. He fixed his two empty burning eyes on Ryouga, and grinned. "Ryo?!" yelled Ryouga. "You...you were dead!"  
"I'm feeling better now," said Ryo. "Time to die."

"RYO!"

The Gosunkugi-lookalike from hell paused, his eyes narrowing.  
Suddenly, Ryoko ran forward and stood between the two. "Don't you dare hurt him!" she yelled, glaring at him defiantly. Ryouga stared at her,  
surprised at her actions. She seemed... familiar to him somehow.  
"Ryoko? Is that you?" he asked.  
"Not now!" she hissed. "I'm trying to save your life."  
Ryo leveled a gaze at her that would, in other circumstances, kill. For some reason, though, he seemed to soften his glare slightly. "And why do you defend him?" "I... I..." she said slowly, "Well... I'm... I'M IN LOVE HIM!"  
There was a moment of absolute silence. Ukyou and Ryouga were in shock. Gosunkugi peeked through the doorway and was stunned into silence as well: seeing a demonic version of himself was incredibly alarming to him. Ryo's expression was unreadable.  
Finally, Ryo spoke.  
"You," he said flatly, looking at her.  
Ryoko nodded.  
"And him," he said, glancing briefly at Ryouga.  
Ryoko nodded again.  
"Ryouga... I'LL KILL YOU!" He lunged forward quickly. Ryoko tried to stop him, but he tossed her aside with ease and began slashing wildly at Ryouga, who blocked with his own umbrella. Ryouga saw openings in Ryo's attack, now that he was attacking purely from anger, and readied himself to end the fight with a solid hit to the skull. Ryo stepped back a moment, then moved forward with a low slash.  
Ryouga saw his opening and let loose a hard punch, not holding back on his strength. Meanwhile, Ryo's slash revealed itself to be a feint, as his grip suddenly rotated so that the handle was now at the front, and it raced towards Ryouga's face blazing with dark energy.

*WHAM*

Ryouga went sailing through the sky and over a few blocks, while Ryo was flung back into Ucchan's, breaking through the doors and stopping at the back wall.

"Wow," said Ryoko. "Cross-counter punch!"  
Ukyou looked at the damage done to her establishmetn and winced. "My restaraunt! Look what they've done!"  
Ryoko handed her a credit card. "Here."  
"What's this?"  
"Ryo's credit card."  
"Ooh."

Meanwhile, at the back of Ucchan's, Ryo shook his head, winced, and struggled to get up. It was at this point that he finally realized he landed on somebody. He looked back at the crater he made in the wall and examined the curious other person that was in the hole.  
"What's this?"  
He reached down and grabbed the figure by the collar, looking him over like a lab specimen.  
"You... must be Gosunkugi."  
Gosunkugi picked this most inopportune moment to regain consciousness,  
and his eyes opened to reveal the hellspawn version of himself staring right at him. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" He screamed in sheer terror, loud enough to irritate Ryo, who promptly booted him through the ceiling and across town.  
"To think I look like _him_" Ryo muttered. He suddenly felt _very_  
weary, the purple and red flames around him flickering away to nothingness. "Over... exertion... maybe?" he muttered as he felt his own consciousness flicker and fade into black.

"Well," said Ukyou, "what do we do with him now?"  
Ryoko put her hand on her chin and hmmed for a while. "Ah. I know.  
Got any ropes?"

"Ow. Owowowoww..."  
Gosunkugi groaned, pulling himself from the wreckage. That... whatever that was... could it be the thing that he had tried to summon before?  
Hadn't he cancelled the summoning? He had to prepare himself... things were going wrong.  
In times like that, he wished he really knew magic. It would have certainly come in handy a minute ago, wouldn't it? He began to hear a call, a whisper in his head. Then it was interrupted. "THERE YOU ARE, EVIL SORCERER!" Kunou bellowed. Gosunkugi turned a paler shade of white. Kunou was charging at him,  
surrounded by a dark swirling aura. His bokken seemed to be engulfed with purple, red, and blue fire, and twice as long as usual.  
"I know the true nature of your existence, foul demon! I shall vanquish you now!" Kunou yelled, slashing with his sword. A black ribbon of energy surged forth off of Kunou's bokken and slammed into the wall next to Gosunkugi. The wall shattered.  
"GAAAAH!" screamed Gosunkugi as he ran down the street faster than he ever ran before in his whole life.

Ryo wasn't feeling well. In fact, he felt distinctly tired. Perhaps,  
he thought, he was tapping into his newfound power too much? He shook his head to clear the cobwebs, and that's when he finally noticed his dilema.  
He was chained, tightly, to a chair. As Ryo's vision cleared, he saw he was in the establishment known as Ucchan's. With four familiar people sitting near by.  
"Oh. _You_ people."  
Sitting at a nearby table was Ukyou, Ryoko, Megane, and Kyoko. Ukyou watched him warily, while the other three gave him a nonchalant glance.  
"Hellllllo, Ryo," said Ryoko casually. "Are you calm yet?"  
"If you would... remove these chains... _now_."  
"Oh no. Not yet. First, you calm down."  
"I am calm," he said in a monotone voice. "Now release me before I shall have to hurt you."  
"Next," said Ryoko, "you tell us where you've been."  
Without warning, Ryo surged forward, trying to break out of his bonds.  
Ukyou quickly slammed his head with her spatula, and all went dark.  
A minute later, his lights came back on.  
"You shouldn't have done that," said Ryoko.  
"Had to try," he replied with a shrug.  
"Now," said Ukyou. "How'd you survive that blast at the bridge? What happened to you? And what was with that strange aura?"  
Ryo hmmmed. There didn't seem to be too much harm in telling them. He thought of the possibilities, but no, no harm to be done at all.

"We were... at the bridge. My memory is hazy at this point, there are things I remember that aren't right. Ryouga... turned into a pig... but that can't be right." Ukyou coughed violently for a brief second.  
"The bridge was collapsing..." continued Ryo, "and then I was...  
somewhere. It's all a blur. I wandered for weeks... I think I was in China. Then, one day, it all changed..."

[the recent past]

Ryo angrily stomped through the thick foliage of the jungle, limping and looking very much on the edge of madness. Damn this green... green... stuff! He swore he'd join the "Pave the Earth" foundation if he ever got out of there. And if he'd ever get his memory straight. He was getting hurt, alot, because of some of the hazzards that the plants sometimes covered up. He almost fell off of a cliff once. Then there were the unexpected nuisances. He was stomping around minding his own business when a group of gaijin lunatics pop out of the bush and start yelling at him about getting in the way of their cameras and the pandas. A film about pandas! How mundane! He muttered a silent curse against all gaijins as he stomped through the wilderness.  
He swatted some tall grass with the red umbrellla (he picked it up in China) angrily and stomped onward. Suddenly, he felt a chill and turned around. A large figure, clad in a black military outfit and matching cape stood there. No, that wasn't quite right. The dark figure _hovered_ there. He also was surrounded by a fiery energy that pulsed blue, purple, and deep red. "You," the dark man rumbled, "have great potential. I extend to you an invitation to join my ranks."  
"Why should I?" "Join me, and I will give you wealth, prestige, and show you true power. The dark powers of the soul. Psycho power."  
"Psycho Power?" Ryo sneered, "It's nothing I've heard of." "Oh?" The dark man began to flare. He grinned evily. "But then, in your current state, you've heard of very little. Isn't that true?"  
He had to admit, that was true.  
The Shadoloo Lord considered the boy before him carefully. "Perhaps I am being too generous... but I shall aid you. I sense a kindrid spirit in you. It pleases me to see such a thing."  
"What... kinda of aid do you offer?" Ryo couldn't help but look into his eyes. They were so... hypnotic.  
"Come closer, and I will show you." The Shadoloo Lord's armored hands began to glow with an unnatural purple, red, and black flame. The boy felt compelled to step forward, despite the fear he felt. He moved as if pulled by puppet strings.  
The military man reached forward quick as lightining and grabbed him by the skull. Dark flames flared around them. Two voices were heard in the deep of the jungle: the bellowing laughter of the Lord of the Shadoloo, and the agonizing screams of Ryo Muhoshin.  
After a few seconds of agonizing contact, Ryo's head was released. His smoking body fell to the ground and his mind was on fire with memories of old, surging back all at once. This was hurting far worse than he expected. As Ryo writhed on the ground in pain, he could have sword he heard someone say, "oops."  
"D..did you j-just say... oops?" he muttered weakly.  
The crime lord didn't dignify that question with an answer. Instead,  
he gave a typical villianous speech.  
"I give you a taste of true power... and your memories restored. I leave the rest to you, although... I know you will not dissapoint me."

"... and here I am today. Simple, yes?"  
Ukyou looked at him as if he was insane.  
"Aaaaand, since then, I've been busy. A little walk by the harbor, a stroll down the street... just getting ready..."  
Ryoko regarded him warily. "What do you mean by that?"  
"Considering I was a bit messy, you just might find out later," he muttered.

Ryoko continued to eye him with much distrust.  
Megane and Kyoko were looking over the desserts menu.  
There was something wrong with this scene, thought Ryo.  
"How, may I ask, are you paying for this dinner?" he asked. Ryoko quickly put his credit card in her back pocket. Unfortunately, he noticed.  
"And how of my money have you used?" he asked, eyes narrowed. That decidedly unnatural dark aura was slowly beginning to return to him.  
"H-hey... we thought you were dead!" protested Ryoko.  
"You stole from him?" wondered Ukyou quietly.  
"_How_Much?_" said Ryo with a strain in his voice. That disturbing aura got a shade brighter.  
"Aheh... well... we did think you were dead," she said nervously.  
Ryo frowned. "All of it."  
Ryoko slowly nodded.  
Kyoko ordered a milkshake.  
Megane ordered a pina-colada.  
Ukyou finished her tally of the damage to Ucchan's, and sent the estimate, complete with Ryo's credit card number.  
"And... let's see... what else... oh yes. You're in love with...  
_Ryouga_." Once more, he was alight in purple and ebony flames, and his eyes were obscured by demonic light.  
"Ryo... calm down," said Ryoko nervously.  
"I almossst forgot about Ryougaaaaa." With a blinding flash of light,  
he vanished, leaving empty chains in the chair.  
"Uh oh," muttered Ryoko.

"And, Ryoko, I want my wallet back later," said the disembodied voice of Ryo Muhoshin.

"Baibai, oniichan!" yelled Kyoko.  
"Hey, how do you know Ryo anyways?" Ukyou asked Ryoko.  
"He's... ah... he's my... well... he's my brother."  
Ukyou was surprised. There wasn't any family resemblance. "Was he adopted?" she wondered.  
"We wonder that a lot ourselves."

In his room, Gosunkugi opened a long untouched book. For some reason, the call was stronger than ever. It demanded to be opened, and Gosunkugi couldn't ignore it. He flung the book open and it shot forth a bright blue light, engulfing him. One moment, he was in his room. The next, he was... nowhere.

WELCOME, HIKARU GOSUNKUGI.

The women of the apartments screamed in terror. They were running through the halls, screaming, looking for deadly weaponry, and looking very angry. "What's the matter, ladies? Aren't you glad I'm back? Wheee!" Happosai gleefully said. He darted past a barrage of kitchen knives, dove under a wall of women armed with baseball bats, and crashed out a window. "See you pretty ladies later, okay? Hahahahaha! What a haul! What a..." Suddenly, Happosai stopped. "Hm. Wait. I sense something... HE is ba-*ACK*" Unfortunately, he stopped long enough for an angry mob of women to catch up to him...

[some days later]

A cruise ship sailed into the harbors of Tokyo. Crowds surged on the edges of the boat to have a look at this city's bright lights. One particular girl looked out at the city with hope in her eyes. Manami Hinako looked out, across the waters, across the towers, across the miles of streets, looking for her first true love. It seemed destined that they be together again. Manami was already happily astonished when her father told her that they'd have to move back to Tokyo because the company had changed it's mind. She felt lightheaded at the now very realistic possibility of their reuinion. Manami looked down at the photograph of the bandanna-clad boy which she kept in her locket and whispered, "Where are you now?"

Gosunkugi sat in his room, in a blank state of mind. Ever since he... came back from... Nowhere... he hadn't budged an inch. Candles were once again tied up on his forehead, but unlit. At the moment, Gosunkugi was speechless. Being told that you're supposed to be the next great sorcerer tends to have that effect. It all seemed to make sense somehow, all the reasons why his magic so far has been woefully unsuccessfull. He just wasn't doing it right. Almost right, but not exactly right. He chanted silently in his head and gestured with his arms. The candles on his forehead lit up, but not with flame. Instead, a light, no warmth coming from it, was attached to each end of the candle, glowing blue. Well, that was the simple stuff. Easy. He could never have done that in the past. He looked at a doll and remembered all his past failures,  
and smiled at how stupid he was. Then he looked at the stack of self-help books and frowned. He'd resorted to those silly things when he thougth magic had totally failed him. Now he knew better. With a dramatic swing of his arm he gestured towards the books. He gestured again. Nothing. He took a deep breath, looked at the books carefully, and then slowly waved his arm in their direction. The books dissapeared in a puff of smoke. Gosunkugi smiled. He had been given the ability to better comprehend the technicalities of magic. Maybe he couldn't yet do great feats of wonder, but he was more powerfull now than he'd ever been.*

*(of course, before he was about as powerful as a feather...)

Life seemed, to him, to be taking a magnificently great turn for the better. If those bullies ever even tried to mess with them again there'd be hell to pay. In fact, why not get a little revenge? Sounds like a good idea, doesn't it? And Akane... ah... no. That's over. But what about Ukyou? Gosunkugi slowly formed a possible love spell, but then dismissed it. Maybe he was desperate and dateless, but he didn't want an artificial substitute. He was determined to do this the right way, he'd win her heart, he'd charm her socks off, he'd be suaaaave. Then he frowned. He'd have to get rid of Ryouga.  
And that rampaging demon too.  
For a few minutes, Gosunkugi looked through the book, picking,  
choosing, and memorizing what spells looked particularly helpful against anything that might have come straight from hell: exorcism, holy touch,  
protection spells against all sorts of danger, including evil, demons, and magic, healing spells, and other interesting items. Out of habit, he brought along his mallet, spike, and voodoo doll, as well as a few shinto wards.  
And for Ryouga, he had a few different spells in mind. Mostly of a destructive nature.  
Gosunkugi started humming a happy tune and strolled out the door.

Breakfast with the Muhoshins.

Toast, milk, cereal, newspapers, and of course the television.  
Today was the last day that they'd be in the hotel suite, after which they'd have to start looking for a place.

/... and Mishima stock rose today six points on the Nikkei exchange.../

"Pass the eggos please!" said Kyoko cheerfully.  
Megane grumbled, groped around for the plate of eggos, and placed them in the general area where his younger sister sat. He wasn't a morning person. He detested the mornings, and felt that, contrary to popular belief, mankind wasn't meant to see the sun rise.

/... another scandle hits the ruling party of... /

"Need more coffee, Megs?" asked Ryoko. She, like her sister, and unlike her brother, was a morning person.  
Megs grumbled in response and groped around for the coffee pot.

/... gruesome discovery, as a warehouse full of slain yakusa was found by the harbor this morning.../

"Newspaper," Megs managed to grumble. Kyoko handed it to him, then resumed plowing into her waffles. "Hey," he mumbled, "wherz'sports section?"

/... only evidence found, an umbrella, which seems to have been the murder weapon... /

Ryoko blinked.  
Megane lowered his paper briefly, a puzzled look on his face.  
Kyoko finished her waffle. "Want more!"  
Ryoko handed her the rest of the waffles, then stared at the screen with a worried expression on her face. Her brother's words were echoing in her mind... {"a walk by the harbor"... "just getting ready"... "Considering I was a bit messy, you just might find out later"}

She looked, worried, towards Megane, who also had a somewhat concerned expression. "You don't think," she said, "that our bro's gone over the deep end...?" Megs looked as puzzled as she did. "Hrm."  
"By the harbor.. really messy..." she muttered. "I mean... he..."  
"No... no way," said Megs. "He's never killed before, though th'guy keeps on talkin' like he will... he never has. You told me yourself, he coulda killed Ryouga a couple'a years back."  
"I... guess you're right."  
"Of course I'm right. He ain't a killer, an'he never will be," said Megane with increasing confidence. "Might break a few bones, but not a killer..."  
"Well... he _really_ doesn't like Ryouga," she said nervously. "And then there's that umbrella..."  
"Er... aheheh..." Megane laughed nervously for a moment. "Er.. ah.. maybe he got brainwashed while he had amnesia by some vast criminal organization and is now an unsuspecting pawn involved in a greater scheme,  
all the while ignorant of the dark schemes revolving around him?" Ryoko stared at him.  
"Then again," he said, "maybe not."  
"Been readin' too much of that science fiction stuff again, Megs."  
"Hey, just speculating. But trust me, he don't have the guts to be a murderer."  
"Hope you're right," she said quietly. "Hope you're right."

A girl and her rather *vicious looking pig walked down the streets of Nerima. She sat down, looking sad. "I don't know," she said to the pig,  
"I don't think I'll ever find a worthy husband. Grandfather would have been dissapointed." The pig snorted.

*(It was as tall as an average basketball player and had big, menacing,  
blank eyes. It also weighted almost as much as a small car.)

"We've been traveling for such a long time. It's amazing how many people can't beat you, Katsu-Nigiri. You're a strong one, aren't you." She said, scratching behind one of the pigs ears. It squealed proudly. "I really was hoping that Shutaro Mendo would be the one. It would have been nice to be rich. I wanted to stop wandering around so much." The pig grunted and glared at her. "I know, Katsu-Nigiri, I shouldn't give up." The pig squealed. "I'll find the man of my dreams if it's the last thing I do!" she said, standing up and yelling at the sky. She sat down on the sidewalk. "But where on earth is he, anyways?" Somebody bumped into her, knocking her over. "Ow!" she yelled, falling down. The pig snorted in a rather hostile manner at a bandanna-clad figure. "Oh, sorry." He said, reaching out to help her up. "Really, I am." {He's... cute} she thought. "Er... interesting pig you've got there," he awkwardly said. The pig glared at him in a very unfriendly fashion. "He's a sumo pig." she said proudly. "Hi, um... my name's Akari...  
Akari Unryuu. Sorry I got in your way." "Oh, not at all. I just wasn't looking at where I was going. My name's Ryouga Hibiki." he said. "If you'll excuse me, I've gotta get back home soon." "Do you live in this city?" Akari asked. "Yeah, I'm working at Ucchan's resteraunt. Drop in some time." Ryouga said, smiling, and wandered away. Akari looked at him with an appraising eye. "He's so hansome!" she squealed. "So, what do you think?" she asked her pig. The pig grunted. "Well, one way to find out. Let's go!" she said, and the pig charged.

Ukyou stood at the doorway of her resteraunt, watching the sunset. She thought about the events of the past several days, and about how she reacted to them. They were rather hectic days, really. Just when things were settling down to an eerie sort of normality, it got weird again. Maybe it was weird, but it felt like the _right_ kind of weirdness to her. She closed her eyes, and a boy's smile came to mind. It wasn't Ranma's.  
Ukyou adjusted the yellow and black bandanna that held her hair back. She looked out into the streets, searching for a bandanna-clad figure,  
and sighed. "I hope that idiot didn't leave Japan," she said affectionately.

And so Ryouga wandered through the streets, feeling pretty good in general. Admittedly, picking up several love interests and finding out that your worst enemies seemed to have gotten a major power boost was not good. That wasn't important at the moment. It felt pretty damn good to be _here_ in this city, this district, this little corner of the world. It was a nice feeling, right here right now. A girl's smile came to form in his mind. It wasn't Akane's. Ryouga smiled and it seemed that somewhere in the universe there was a *snap* as if a loop was being closed or a boulder started to roll again after being held back by a small twig.

He hummed a little tune he heard once when he passing through America.

He didn't notice the sumo-pig charging at him a block away. He didn't notice a young girl named Manami behind a window of a restaurant holding a locket which held a picture of her first love. She stared at Ryouga as he past by, in shock as she realizes that the boy who just walked by matched the photo perfectly. He didn't notice Tatewaki Kunou glowing with dark ki energy charging at him with a frighteningly fiery bokken.  
He didn't notice Kodachi Kunou with her bouquet of toxic flowers and fiery obsession in her eyes. He didn't notice Gosunkugi perched high atop a building nearby, candles once again tied to his head but this time burning a supernatural blue. He was aiming a rather nasty curse at Ryouga. He didn't notice Ryo Muhoshin struggling to run at him, being held back by Megane and Kyoko. Ryo didn't notice Happosai charging at him from behind. He didn't notice Ryoko bounding towards him and calling his name. He didn't notice Ranma rocketing across the skyline in yet another Akane-induced crosstown flight. He didn't hear Ranma either, as he yelled "Heeeeeey Ryooooooougaaaa!" He didn't notice the trash can that suddenly sprouted robotic arms,  
spidery legs, several interesting bits of weaponry, and had a maniacal transvestite at the helm.

Ryouga went on, still happily humming and occasionally singing a song. "Da da-da, Da da-da...dadadumdadadumdadadumdadadumdadadum..." He might have been happy, but he was not musically inclined. Fortunately, nobody heard him display this astounding lack of talent.

He dug into his shirt and pulled out a little compass necklace. He looked at it and smiled. "Guess I'd better find my way back." he said,  
and started walking again, hopefully in the right direction.

After all, he had to get back home.

[keep sound of Ryouga humming]  
[Fade out from scene]  
[Roll credits]  
[Start credits sequence]  
[Ryouga's humming tune merges with a song that begins playing, getting louder as it begins, and soon the humming is replaced by...]

"I'm gonna be (500 miles)"  
by The Proclaimers from Sunshine on Leith

When I wake up [Scene from Part I where Ryouga gets yeah I know I'm gonna be awakened rather violently when Ukyou I'm gonna be the man hits him with the spatula.]  
who wakes up next to you

When I go out [Scene of Ryouga and Ukyou in the movie yeah I know I'm gonna be theater, sitting in the theater and I'm gonna be the man enjoying the movie.]  
who goes along with you

==================================== MANY THANKS TO: RUMIKO TAKAHASHI...  
====================================

If I get drunk [Flashback of Ryouga entering Ucchan's yes I know I'm gonna be while somewhat drunk, then he gets I'm gonna be the man dragged away quickly by Ukyou.]  
who gets drunk next to you

============================= ...THE FANFIC MAILING LIST...  
=============================

And if I haver [Show flashback of Ryouga and Ukyou yeah I know I'm gonna be in the woods talking while Ryouga I'm gonna be the man practices with his umbrella.]  
who's havering to you

============================ ...THE RANMA MAILING LIST...  
============================

But I would walk 500 miles [Show flashback clip of Ryouga's tour And I would walk 500 more around the world, Paris, Seattle, etc]  
Just to be the man who walked 1,000 miles To fall down at your door

======================================== ...MY BOSSES, WHO NEVER BUGGED ME WHILE I WAS WRITING THIS INSTEAD OF WORKING...  
========================================

When I'm working [Show flashback clips of Ryouga working the yes I know I'm gonna be tables, cleaning dishes, lifting heavy I'm gonna be the man equipment, etc etc at Ucchan's.]  
who's working hard for you And when the money comes in for the work I'll do I'll pass almost every penny on to you

======================= AND FINALLY, COCA-COLA!  
=======================

When I come home [Ryouga walks down the street, using Ukyou's yeah I know I'm gonna be compass to guide him. He's smiling a bit.  
I'm gonna be the man who From far behind, a massive war party comes back home to you including Ryo, Kunou, Kodachi, Mecha-Tsubasa,  
And if I grow old Ryoko, Sumo-pig, etc etc etc are charging at well I know I'm gonna be Ryouga and catching up to him. Ryouga doesn't I'm gonna be the man notice.]  
who's growing old with you

When I'm lonely [Show Ukyou standing at the restaurant door yes I know I'm gonna be fiddling with the bandanna that ties her hair I'm gonna be up. Camera shifts to over-her-shoulder view.  
the man who's lonely Ryouga appears, walking from around a corner,  
without you smiling and waving.]

When I'm dreaming [Ukyou smiles. Then the rest of the war yes I know I'm gonna dream party become visible. She frowns Dream about the time and retreats into the store, closing when I'm with you the door quickly.]

[Fade out as the camera does a closeup of Ryouga's hand reaching for the door. There's one second of black and silence There's one second of black and silence and then Loud Violent Fighting Noises (TM) erupt.]

[End with Ryouga screaming.]

================================ ======== A NEW BEGINNING ======= ================================


	16. All Together Now

======================

THE MORE THINGS CHANGE

E

All Together Now

The sun rose slowly, filtering through the windows. Within the bright white room, several people awakened to the new day... "Doctor! Doc!" "Painkillers! I need painkillers!" "Ow! It hurts!" "Get this cast off! I've got an itch!" "Where's the PILLS?!" A nurse quickly entered the room, looking angrily at the people. "Now listen up, you're disturbing the patients in the other room! Just wait a minute and the Doctor will be here soon." She cast an angry glare at the many figures, all trapped in their hospital beds due to one injury or another. They all were sporting casts in various body locations, and in some cases were in entire body casts.  
They had been in the hospital for two days now, with some not regaining consciousness until just yesterday night. Now, with all of them awake,  
the hospital staff was experiencing a nightmare. She shook her head in disbelief. The Nerima district always brought patients in, but the circumstances under which these people ended up were stupidly amazing.

One figure in particular, restricted by a full body cast, groaned and woke up. He began to talk. "Ye gods! What pain is this that ails the mighty Blue Thunder!"  
"Oh no, he's awake." someone muttered. "It feels as if I had fought through the very depths of hell itself! What fiend has inflicted such pain upon my personage? Tatewaki Kunou shall have retribution!" "Shut up!" the person next to him yelled. "Brother dear, I think it would help alot if you'd just-" "None interrupts the soliloquies of the great and mighty Kunou!" "SHUT UP!" everyone in the room yelled.

"Are you alright?" "BWEE!" "Oh... poor Katsunishiki. Does it still hurt?"  
"_bwee_" "I didn't get a clear view of the fight. Who'd you lose to?" *SNORT*  
"Oh, come on. You lost to somebody. You were knocked out when I ran to you! Oh, I guess I'll have to talk to somebody that saw the whole fight." Akari Unryuu sighed. So close to finding love, yet so far away...

"So, doc," asked Ukyou, "how are the guys doing?" "Well, they've all suffered several degrees of burns, fractured bones from the force of the explosions, and multiple bruises." "So when will Ranma be able to leave the hospital?" asked Akane. "Ranma? Hm..." said the doctor, flipping through his files, "Saotome,  
right? He's recovering fast, really. Oughta be out in three weeks or more." "And how about Hibiki?" asked Ukyou. "Hibiki... Hibiki... hm... ah, here it is. Three weeks also, maybe a few days less than that. Amazing, since he was in the middle of the whole mess."  
Akane and Ukyou thanked the doctor, left his office, and decided to make a little visit.

= ON 'SOUL' OR 'PSYCHO' POWER AND IT'S VARIOUS SIDE EFFECTS =

Soul Power, or in it's more notorious form, Psycho Power, is a legendary ability amongst martial artist circles. There is only one known practicioner of it today, the leader of the controversial Shadoloo organization.  
From ancient tomes of lore, it is said that the technique taps into the very energy of a person's soul. In times of strong emotion, the power will surge forth in an aura reflecting the nature of the person. It is said that this power is inherent in all, and merely requires an opening of consciousness for the energy to flow.  
It is this energy that is channeled into various attacks, including the now infamous Psycho Crusher technique. Blows inflicted by Soul Power are said to be surprisingly powerful, accompanied by a 'cold burn' of sorts.  
Soul Power also can be used as a healing technique. Just as antibodies develop resistance to certain bacteria, it is said that legendary practicioners of Soul Power, in the past, had become immune to extreme cold, heat, and in some cases, even ki projectiles.

( - from The Martial Artist Almanac, 1987)

"Kill you, kill you, kill you..." Ryo muttered, staring directly at the person in the bed across from him.  
"L-Look, I said I was sorry, didn't I?" whined Gosunkugi. "I'll kill you, I'll-" *CLANG* "Leave him alone!" Ukyou yelled as she walked past Ryo's bedside.

Ryo narrowed his eyes and glared at Ukyou as she passed by. He was in an entirely rotten mood, ever since he was suddenly stripped of his newfound powers by the idiot mage.

She went over to Gosunkugi, who was at the moment cringing away from his psychotic twin nearby. "Hey, Gosunkugi, how's things?" "Oh, could be better. I wish they gave us more painkillers." "Hurts alot, does it?" she asked, brushing his hair back with her hand. "Yup." Gosunkugi blushed. He wasn't used to women brushing his hair back, or even touching him at all. "What'd you do to get Ryo over there so mad?" she asked, pointing at the person across from Gosunkugi. "Well, I, um, well, it's an embarrasing kinda thing." "C'mon, tell me." said Ukyou. "Well, I thought he was... a spirit that was imitating me and going nuts attacking people, so I tried some spells like purification, blessing,  
exorcisms, and banishment of evil type spells." "And?" "Well, I... aheh... with everything happening, I kinda panicked... and lost track of what spells do what... and... well..."  
"Apparently I took away that guy's powers." Ukyou looked over to Ryo. Gosunkugi was right. Ryo, who several days ago was almost always surrounded by a dark purple, blue, and blackish aura and had eyes that always glowed with those colors, now was normal. His aura was gone. His eyes were non-glowing. Even his hair was not quite as spiky as it was before. "Not only that, but Kunou too." "Kunou?" Ukyou asked. "What about Kunou?" "Oh. He was glowing like the other guy was." Ukyou shivered. A super-powered Kunou was not what the world needed. "And I think I put Happousai into a coma." "Don't worry, they deserved it." "Who is that guy anyways?" asked Gosunkugi. "Him? He's an old rival of Ryouga's." "Typical for our neighborhood, I guess. Who's those others? I've never seen them before." "Ryo's brother and sisters. Compared to him, they seem nicer." "One of them's been looking at Ryouga like she's in love with him." Ukyou tensed up. "Hey, you alright?" "Absolutely. Nothing wrong at all." "If you say so." "Well, I've gotta go see how the others are doing. Hope you get better soon. See ya!" She patted Gosunkugi on the head and walked off.

Meanwhile...

"Hey, Ranma, are you alright?" asked Akane. She bent down and kissed Ranma on the forehead. "This, you know, is your fault." "Hey, you're the one with a big mouth." Akane angrily replied. "If I wanted criticism, I'd talk to the rest of the people in this room. It's bad enough I'm stuck with them." "You only have yourself to blame." "Well, I have you." Akane smiled a bit. "To blame. OW!" Akane removed her fist from his face. "Shut up." "Look, your latent violent tomboy tendancies aren't exactly helping my situation, y'know. Ya want me to be stuck in here for a month? Hm, maybe if you bring that dinner in here, I'll be stuck in the hospital for two months. Geez..." Akane turned a dark shade of red. "So, that's the way you're gonna be,  
eh?" "Hey, wait a minute..." "FINE! I'M LEAVING!" Akane yelled, and stomped out of the room. "Aw geez." said Ranma. "Akane, wait!" Ranma grabbed his crutches and raced as best as he could to the door. "Akane! Wait up!"  
"Saotome," said Ryouga, "you just don't know when to shut up." "Saotome you fiend! How dare you slander against the noble Akane Tendou!" "Well, there they go again," sighed Ukyou. "Hey, Ryouga, how are you two?" Ukyou said, walking up to him.  
"I'm... doing okay."  
"Well, it looks like you won't be lonely around here, at least." Ukyou said, gesturing to the contingent of Kodachi, Tatewaki, Tsubasa, Ryo,  
Ryoko, Kyoko, Megane, and Gosunkugi. "Ask'em to get us different rooms, will ya?" asked Ryouga.  
"Sorry, the place is crowded. You're stuck together." Ryouga groaned. "Hey, how'd Ranchan end up with this bunch?" "I heard Akane booted him through the dojo roof, and he just happened to land in the area," said Ryouga.  
"I gotta head back to the restaurant. Anything you want next time I visit?"  
"Food, please," said Ryouga. "I can't stand this hospital food."  
Ukyou smiled. "Alright, see ya later," she said, mussing his hair a bit before leaving.

As she closed the door behind her, Ukyou turned and nearly ran into Ranma and Akane. He was propped up against the wall, and the two of them were kissing rather passionately. As she stood there and watched, she felt a little jealously, but seemed to accept that this was the way things were going to be from now on. She didn't have to like it, but she wasn't hating it as much as before.  
Ukyou blushed, realizing that she'd been staring at the two for a while, then smirked. "Jeez, you two, get a room!"  
Akane and Ranma seperated suddenly, both looking very embarrased.  
"Er, ah, we were..." said Ranma.  
"Well, we..." said Akane.  
"Yeah, yeah, see ya later, you two crazy kids," said Ukyou as she walked off, snickering.

"This is your fault." Megane flatly stated. "I'm not in the mood for this. Don't even start." said Ryo. "You just HAD to chase after Hibiki." "May I ask what _you_ were doing there?" said Ryo. "Ah... Ryoko, this is all your fault." "Hey!"

Outside of the crowded room, several nurses were talking. "So, what happened to these guys?" "It was kinda muddled. I heard it had something to do with some martial artists..." "Isn't it always" someone added in. "...a mech, a gas main, that pervert Happousai, some bombs, a cargo truck full of gasoline, and a power line." "You're kidding." "That's what I heard. Say, what happened to Happousai anyways? He's not with this bunch."

Ryo Muhoshin blinked, looking at the piece of mail he held in his hand. He'd received some mail, much to his surprise, from the Unorthodox Weaponry School of Martial Arts. That in itself was rather surprising to him. Either his travels were becoming famed, he guessed, or they were spying on him.  
That, however, wasn't the disturbing bit.  
The disturbing bit was what was in the letter.

NOTICE:

The Unorthodox Weaponry School of Martial Arts is, as of January 2, no longer an official organization. This is due to problems in the clerical and financial segmet of the UWSMA.  
Therefore, any sanctioned duties or contracts (protection services, target assignments, or otherwise) between the UWSMA and other parties are now dissolved and no longer officially supported by the UWSMA

-Hiro Oguchi UWSMA, legal dept.

In hindsight, perhaps it shouldn't have been a surprise. Quite a few within the UWSMA frowned upon the new objective of growing bigger, faster,  
and gaining recognition in the world. The Shaolin Monks never did that sort of thing, why should they? The fact that they hired an outsider, and a lawyer/accountant to boot, to oversee the financial matters and public relations wasn't comforting to quite a few either. It was an attempt to move the Unorthodox Weaponry School of Martial Arts into the modern era,  
and it backfired.  
Such is life.  
For Ryo, this event brought mixed emotions. The UWSMA had been much like a home to him. It was where he leared all his lessons on life, and had achieved great personal success. On the other hand, the various sensei were beginning to be a nuisance to him. Be damned what they say he should be, he always did what he wanted to do. Essentially, it was freedom at a price.  
Ryoko was slightly more sad. She tended to grow attached to places,  
and the UWSMA was very much her home. Granted, she didn't have many friends amongst them, but it was her comfortable niche in the world.  
Megane merely shrugged.  
Kyoko pouted for a while, but recoverd as soon as someone handed her the newspaper comic strips.

Somewhere, deep underground, a small platoon of men in white medical coats marched, surrounding a medical bed on wheels. The bed contained a small figure, encased in a metal body cast. They wheeled into an elevator, where it went even further underground. They exited the elevator and went through a security barrier in a long hallway. They walked through a contingent of Shinto priests who were setting up all sorts of holy symbols and items. They went through a foot thick metal door and entered a room full of monitoring equipment, ki-dampeners, and security devices. A man with glasses and greying hair looked down at the entrapped figure. "This time, Happousai, you're not getting away."

Despite their newfound love, Akane and Ranma still had a habit of fighting. They'd come to accept it as a part of their life, a sort of quirk. But unfortunately, it was incredibly annoying to everyone else,  
especially several weeks later, when...

"Look, that's not what I meant!" protested Ranma. "So what exactly do you mean?!" Akane yelled. "Will you two stop?" asked Ryouga. "NURSE!" yelled Ryo. "Will you just listen to me just once, you stupid tomboy!" yelled Ranma. "Why should I, you insensitive jerk!" countered Akane. "Dammit, I can't get any sleep." muttered Megane. "Leave my darling Ranma alone!" yelled Kodachi. "You macho chick!" "Pervert!" "I'm warning you, Saotome, stop insulting her!" yelled Ryouga. "Hold thy foul tonge, fiend!" cursed Kuno.  
"Make the bad people go away," whimpered Ryoko.  
"Smite him, my love!" yelled Kunou. "Jerk!" yelled Akane. "Idiot!" Ranma shot back.

*BONK*

Akane hit Ranma on the head, although he could tell she held back a bit on the force of the blow. Anyone that knew their relationship well would see this as a sign of progress.

These weren't those people.

"And it begins." muttered Ryo, pulling a pillow over his head.  
"Please don't do this here, you guys?" whined Gosunkugi. "Akane Tendou, DIE!" Kodachi would have lashed out with her whip, but being in a hospital put a strain on her resources. She had to make do with what was available... "Put that toilet paper down!" Ryouga yelled. "You dare threaten a member of the Kunou lineage? I shall smite thee!"  
Kunou yelled. He looked around for his trusty bokken, but only found a broomstick.  
"Oh no." muttered Gosunkugi. He covered his head with the pillows. If anything, this last experience re-affirmed what he suspected he should do:  
quit trying to date anyone in Nerima at all. They were either too violent or attached to someone too violent.

As the two young people violently in love continued bickering, they finally noticed the chaos erupting around them, with Kuno, Kodachi,  
Ryouga, and the others scrambling to and fro while attacks flew about.

"What's their problem?" wondered Akane.

Ranma shrugged. "Ya wanna go somewhere quiet? These guys..."

The doctor sat in his office looking thoroughly worn out. He wasn't sure how much more he'd be able to put up with a certain group of patients. He would have loved to seperate them, but the hospital was suffering from overcrowding at the moment. The bickering seemed to have stopped amongst them, but the damage in terms of sheer irritation they caused the staff with their constant whining, bickering, and minor skirmishes was bad already. It was two weeks. Two long weeks until any of them would be ready to leave the hospital.  
"Doctor," a nurse said, popping her head into his doorway, "it's them again. They're wrecking the room and making more demands. I think some of them made their injuries worse."  
The walls shook for a moment. He heard an explosion in the distance. The doctor reached for his own medication. The nurse patted him on the back.

"Have courage, doc."

\- the end - 


	17. Author's Notes

==================== EDITOR'S NOTES, MISC ====================

First off, thanks to Mihoshi ffml. She put in alot of time weeding out those 1001 typos and mistakes that the original TMTC had.

Sebastian Weinberg &amp; Neil Reynolds also deserve a good mention, since they both gave me some detailed, nitty-gritty C&amp;C that was VERY much needed to make things better.

Hm.

Here I am again... first fanfic, redone for the Nth+1 time... maybe I shouldn't have done it, but I couldn't fight the urge. Oh well, if it's good, it'll stand well. If not, it can easily be erased.

Primary objectives of the fanfic: -put Ryouga through Hell -Introduce villian that does NOT overwhelm the Ranma cast with his fighting ability, but instead gets his ass kicked first. The overwhelming bit should come later...

And just to let you know what COULD HAVE been...

================================ Early Ideas That Didn't Make It:  
================================

-Ranma &amp; Akane MARRIED Somehow, it just didn't seem right. Not yet.  
-Gigantic battle Ryouga vs. alliance of Ryo, Kunou, Tsubasa, &amp; Gosunkugi at The Bridge. Everyone witnesses Ryouga become P-Chan just before Bridge destroyed.  
It seemed like overkill after a while. Just too... too... too much.  
-Titanic Angst-ridden scene between Ukyou and Ranma.  
It just seemed too damn heavy. It didn't fit right either. Anyways,  
John Biles did it _MUCH_ better in Furinkan Summer part 3...  
-Ranma injured in bridge destruction by flying debris, in short Coma.  
It had good possibilities, maybe a better resolution of Ukyou finally letting go of him in a nice scene in a hospital room... but it also seemed too dramatic.  
-Ryouga stumbles into the O.J. Simpson courtroom, pisses off Judge Ito.  
Thougth about it. Thougth some more. Dropped it like a hot potato.  
-Shampoo actually falling for Ryouga.  
Too unlikely for this story. Just couldn't find a believable way.  
-Ranma-chan DOES give Ryouga the big smooch.  
I was thinking along the lines of a horrible accident with herbs/potions/etc.  
-Ryo kills Kirin (from the first Ranma movie)  
Had a good scene in mind, angst-generator running along nicely, but it just didn't fit right.  
-Ryo kills Happousai Thougth about it. Probably would make the new character more menacing,  
but then I needed the comedy relief later on and so I dumped the idea.

==================== GUEST STARS &amp; SWIPES ====================

TURBO TEEN (part 9)  
-this show inspired the horrible concept of "Nissanichuan"  
Yes, there was an American Saturday morning cartoon show called "Turbo Teen" and yes he turned into a car. Except it wasn't water that did it to him, it was just temperatures, and no cursed water,  
just a weird accident of science.

URUSEI YATSURA (parts 1, 4, 8)  
-Lum -Ataru (Yup, there's an episode where Ataru gets hit by a sex-change gun.  
It's episode 91.)  
-Shutaro Mendo

KIMAGURE ORANGE ROAD (part 8)  
-Kyouske (In case you didn't get the joke, He was the boy in the park.  
And what else? He's an ESPer. Still don't get the joke? Go back and read part 1!)  
-Madoka Ayukawa

STREET FIGHTER (part 8)  
-Ken -Ryu -Bison (Vega in Japan) I didn't want to call him by either name, since it's the OTHER name on the other side of the ocean, so I just stuck him with the description of big military guy with cape, big jaw and an aura.  
-Unnamed Master of Ken and Ryu (see the Street Fighter Anime)  
-(Mentioned) Dan Hibiki: hidden character in SFA. Story was that he trained under the same master as Ken &amp; Ryu but was too filled with anger to train properly. Carries grudge against Sagat. I saw the last name and couldn't resist mentioning him. I was gonna put him in a cameo but it just didn't fit properly.

SUPER CATGIRL NUKU NUKU (part 3, 4)  
-Mishima Heavy Industries Inc.

MISC. CINEMA &amp; ENTERTAINMENT REFERENCES -Jacky Chan -"The Protector" man, watching this one HURT. Jacky Chan &amp; Danny Aiello,  
what a perfect action movie pair! *blech*  
-"Drunken Master II" four stars, baby.  
-"Twin Dragons" so that's where Van Damme got his idea for double impact...  
-Pulp Fiction "Royale with cheese"  
-Reservoir Dogs "Jokers to the right..."  
-Wayne's World "Oh yes, it will be mine."  
-Terry Pratchet's DISCWORLD (See: Librarian "ook!")  
-Douglas Addams HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE (See: Earth "Mostly Harmless")  
-DC Comics (The Fat gaijin guy who was good with umbrellas: guess who?)  
-Pinky and the Brain: guess what show Ryo was watching on the portable tv?  
-Saturday Night Live (Stuart Smalley): "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough...)

===================================== SLIGHTLY OBSCURE RANMA 1/2 REFERENCES =====================================

-Tatewaki Kunou did indeed gain the habit of slicing watermelons. It's in the manga vol. 19 parts 1-3 -Yes, there WAS a fall-in-love medicine that Akane swallowed at the beach.  
It's in manga vol. 10, parts 2-3 -Akari Unryuu, Ryouga's new love interest, arrives at manga vol. 30.  
-Ryouga's house, I forgot which manga, but it's empty because the rest of his family is also pathetically lost.

=========== WHAT'S NEXT ===========

Well, the sequel to this fic, 'The Pursuit of Happiness' is on the horizon. Look for a little exploration into the history of the TMTC/TPOH universe, as well as some old faces and new faces.  



End file.
